Prior to the previous post where I wrote about a wall that was in the way of having a fulfilling sex life, I had been thinking about sex in terms of energy and what happens along the way. I had read about, and been intrigued by tantric sex. My understanding of it is mindfulness of sexual energy and of each other. I like the concept.
So the next time I had a sexual encounter I had the thought about sexual energy and how it might rise, fall, expand, shift during. I could feel my energy was stuck at my lower back. I talked with my husband about it and asked if he could feel his and he said it went all the way up his spine to the top of his head, and then back down to the base of his spine (or thereabouts). It moved quite quickly. He said his felt stuck inside him where mine didn’t even get a chance to ‘start’.
So we began an energy habitat exercise for ourselves. “If that sexual energy was a place in time and space, where would it be?”
For me it was me being lost in the woods, cold, dark, afraid. Dark sky but stars, lots of trees. For Andrew it was a tower with lights going up and down it. He felt locked in.
So I was in the woods and my feeling was fear. I didn’t want to do anything because I was scared to. I was scared to take a step in any direction. I created myself a torch in my pocket to try and help me find my way. But once I had the torch in my hand, I was too scared to turn it on because I thought I would attract things to me that I didn’t want, like a wolf or something.
I wanted something to guarantee that I’d be safe. My husband suggested a protective pendant around my neck. I was thinking about a gun lol. He said he saw me with a stone pendant around my neck and the pendant had a triangle symbol on it. What he didn’t know was that I had recently seen a triangle symbol pendant in another habitat experience..
So – amulet on, torch turned on. I feel braver. Safer. I move forward and there’s a clearing ahead with lights. Which I suspect is the tower. I freak out and panic. I don’t know if I want to move forward. I create a tent and set it up, and decide to stay put for awhile. During this whole time I can feel the energy rising up and it’s about at the solar plexus height.
I tapped for fear and courage. I then packed up the tent again and decided to keep going. I then found the tower. I felt too scared to enter the tower (what’s in there, what will I find, what will I see, what will happen to me, will I ever come out?) so set up the tent again outside it and stayed there overnight.
The next day I am not afraid. I’m there again and I knock on the door and I hear footsteps coming. I’m a little scared of what’s coming. It’s my husband’s aspect and he opens the door and lets me in. He leads me through corridors without windows and I am afraid of being trapped and not being able to get out. He tells me (the real husband, as we’re talking about it together at the time) that his tower has windows all around the building. So there are suddenly windows (these habitats rock like that!) and I’m feeling safer. Less trapped. I’m in an elevator and we take it up to the roof of the tower.
Up on the roof it is a flat space surrounded by trees on one side and on the other side is a beautiful view. We’re looking down into a valley full of trees, and can see a mountain range on the other side. A mild breeze is blowing, it’s comfortable. I feel great here. Not afraid.
It’s at this point my husband starts talking about how his energy self is afraid of letting go and being itself because I might not like who he is or what he says or does. We talked and tapped – I won’t go into that here but it was a breakthrough for him.
Our aspects ended up taking flight from the top of the tower. Together hand-in-hand we fly around the area. It is free and envigorating and exciting. 🙂