Transforming anger into love, with the help of a cough

The cough

My daughter is coughing a lot in her bed tonight. I was enjoying myself and relaxing and now every time I hear her cough I feel like punching something. I’ve given up on the relaxing thing that I was doing because I just couldn’t relax while hearing it! And now I’m angry. And uncomfortable about feeling angry too because I know it’s not her fault. It’s totally one of those irrational things = energy reversals.

What on earth is contributing to this feeling? It’s just a cough.. An intermittent, unproductive, open mouthed “UH HAH HAH HAH” cough that is uncomfortable to hear. 😦

Now my son is still awake after being put to bed 2 hours ago after having been very badly behaved all day. Can’t a woman get a break?!? He keeps opening and closing his door with creak of the doorknob and a thud each time. He knows he’s meant to be in bed asleep but of course wants to know what’s going on with the rest of the world.

My husband is out at the gym. Half his luck!

So where do I begin?

This anger.. it’s pretty much equal with hearing the cough and hearing the door thuds.  I would say I’m either -7 or -8 on the SUE scale. I’m pissed off, so that’s what I’ll tap for – “Pissed off!“. I may or may not have thrown in an F word in there too at some point during that round.

So I can’t hear my son anymore, but my daughter is still coughing. I feel less affected, less angry. I’d say I’m around -3. I’m sad that she’s coughing and confused why, feeling helpless. I also don’t know what my son’s problem is and why he is still awake 2 hours after bedtime. I wonder if it’s related to us enforcing a nap today, since he was so crazy-naughty, and my anger is rising again. But it’s around -5 rather than where it was. And more of a frustration than an anger. A feeling like “I can’t win” (son) and “What am I meant to do?!” (daughter).

I tap for “Frustrated and helpless“. I’m probably around -1 or 0 now. Much more apathetic. I’m wondering why she is coughing and what I can possibly do about it. I get distracted looking at cough remedies and forget that I was even tapping.

The coughing has stopped, for now. But I’d like to keep going with the tapping for at least a few more rounds.

ZZzzzzzzz…

I’m falling asleep at my laptop, I’m tired from a restless night last night as well as a long day. The fact that I am still ‘on duty’ is what I keep being reminded of. I. Am. Exhausted.

How would I like to feel instead of angry? Well if I’m honest, I don’t know why I’m not listening to myself and going to bed much earlier. If I have anyone to be angry with or frustrated with, it’s myself.

I’ve been going to bed late for so long and have tried to break the habit but it hasn’t worked. I am not making time for my own needs, and then when someone needs me MORE (cough cough… cough.. cough.. creak… thud.. cough.. thud) and I already feel like I have nothing left, it triggers a response like the above.

So.. I want to tap for “I’m ready to listen to my needs“. This is now probably a +2. It feels nice, a subtle positive feeling.

Then “I meet my needs“, which didn’t feel like it was affecting any change until I reached the tapping points on my hand and it became a sense of empowerment of knowing what I need and acting on it and resulting in a more positive sense of balance. I would rate the feeling at +6 now.

I want to tap for something that cements that meeting my needs allows me to meet others’ needs, but nothing snappy came to mind. What does come to me intuitively while I’m wondering what to tap for is:

I love myself first so I have love to give others“.

I get a little teary at just how much this resonates. It is just perfect. I tap for this and I’m feeling at least +8 now. Blissfully sleepy. Ready to put myself to bed because I’m tired and I need to sleep.. and need to care for my babies tomorrow who might be more tired than usual themselves.

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2 responses

  1. I totally relate to this post, though it wasn\’t my day today, there are always plenty of them 😉 I especially love that you tapped for “I love myself first so I have love to give others“ It is such an important concept that we as mothers don\’t always follow.
    I hope you get a good nights sleep 🙂

    • I figured you might be able to relate, Katrina. That late night squeezing in of Me Time stuff (which is not even always that ME centred anyway) and being glad to have that time and space… and then suddenly you don’t have it anymore!

      I don’t often blog for what I tap in the heat of the moment so it was an interesting experience, an easy way to catch the emotions as they happen and explain them fully rather than in hindsight which might be less of a ‘real’ feeling. Something I will repeat. 🙂

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