EFT Case Story: Weight loss and exercise motivation

My client wanted assistance with motivation and discipline to get her to be able to exercise regularly, in order to lose weight. She had learnt EFT with me before and had already used it to combat some emotional eating and chocolate addiction (which is fantastic!), but was having trouble with the issue of exercising. She would tell herself each night that the next day she would get to the gym.. and it would never eventuate.

In terms of establishing a BEFORE: Her weight is 116 kg. She is feeling “unmotivated, not sexy, icky at the thought of going out in public, not confident an unable to wear clothes that reflect who I am.”

On 6th August the feeling was:

  • I can’t be bothered.
  • Don’t want to get sweaty.
  • I’ll get hot but the heater needs to be on for my baby in bed.
  • I will get too tired and need to not be so tired later on.
  • I don’t want to go out.

So I asked her about working out at home and whether this  is something that she did. She said she’d be too embarrassed if her husband was to walk in on her and see her “flubber” in action. I asked if he was likely to comment and she said no, that it was just her insecurities speaking.

I asked her to think about her body and what the feeling was. She said that her immediate thought was “I’m not worth it” which she said was a little scary – a significant realisation.

I asked her to tap for “Calm“, then “I’m not worth it“.

She said when she tapped for “I’m not worth it” that there was a sense of “Don’t be silly!” and “I give you permission!” and she had tears in her eyes in the process. An emotional release as she began to embrace her worth.

We briefly talked about the concept of aspects and changing emotionally and the outward needing to adjust to match with it. This really resonated with her and she talked about how the act of exercising really helped her to feel strong and powerful and GOOD, it was just a matter of getting to do it.

On August 7 she went to the gym. She found that she was arguing with herself beforehand: one part was telling herself that her husband was going and she wouldn’t have time to go if he was, the other part was insisting that she was allowed to go and that there would be time, even just for 20 minutes. I suggested that she tap for the ‘don’t go’ aspect and also for allowing time for herself.

For the next little while she happily went to the gym (and personal trainer) when time allowed, with no resistance. Things went smoothly until one morning when the person who opened the gym for the day ran late, so her husband arrived to hand over their child so he could start his own gym session – and she missed out.

She was very angry and annoyed at him because of this and stewed on it for several days. Over that time she recognised a few things that had also bothered her. Her husband came home from the gym and she had been waiting for him to get home so she could hand over the baby to him and shower herself to get ready for the day. But he jumped into the shower before her and when she told him she had needed a shower, he just said “That’s nice”.

She also was trying to work out who would pick up their son from a sitter on a specific day and time when she returns to work and he said “Well it won’t be me. Won’t happen. Won’t be possible”.

She got angry, and he got angry in response and they stopped speaking to each other.

She felt as though she wasn’t allowed to be angry at him, but was not willing to back down or give up like she might have previously. She was seeing more clearly how much she had let go, changed, and lost, when they had a baby and nothing had changed for him. She was feeling unappreciated and that he expected her needs to come after his in a way. I suggested she tap for all of these feelings, specifically the anger and him coming before her.

Later when I contacted her she said that she was feeling depressed and hadn’t tapped yet. In her book “You Can Heal Your Life”, Louise Hay describes depressed feelings as “Anger you feel you do not have a right to have“. This is what I was thinking about when I told her that she was allowed to be angry and was allowed to feel her feelings. I reminded her that she was changing and putting herself as a priority more than she had in the past, and that her husband was used to that version of herself and responding as he normally did. Yet she was not the same and was as such seeing it differently, and as such seeing her husband differently.

She acknowledged that and she also had a sore throat which wasn’t helping her emotional state. I let her know that sore throats often have emotional roots in issues of expression or communication, and to express what she was feeling, even if it was just to journal it.

The next day she tapped for “Time for me” in the morning and felt that she was more able to face the world.

16th August, she went to personal training and found that she had lots of energy and lifted heavier weights and did more reps and felt GOOD. She had a shower and then tapped for “Empowered” in relation to how she was feeling and how much she was loving it.

Which had several realisations associated with it:

She said “I am not going to ask for ‘permission’ to go to the gym, it’s for me and that’s fine. Not asking is being true to who I am and that’s who my husband fell in love with. Someone who doesn’t give a “flying F” what others think, especially when it comes to ME!”.

She felt that it has evolved from “I want to go to the gym but I don’t have time” to “I’m going to the gym rain, hail or shine!”

She acknowledged that she loved “that girl” that she was when she met her husband, the one who did things for her and stood up for herself, and that she missed her.

She had a realisation about her boss at work. How her boss doesn’t understand her or what she is about. That she’d been trying to mould my client into herself, yet she was fighting a losing battle trying to fit into a mold that she never could.

She felt empowered across the board. Relating to work, standing up for herself and also in terms of sex. In my client’s words: “FFS why have I let people start walking all over me!! Well it stops NOW!!!!!!!” 🙂

 

In 2.5 weeks she has lost 2 kilos and is loving her new lifestyle and looking forward to achieving her goals for her body and her shape. Also embracing her personal power and asserting her needs in what she wants. I’m so thrilled for her!

Afterword: This is another example of how we don’t have to force and push and battle with ourselves in order to do things that we want to do, and how simply changing the inner makes changing the outer a natural progression.

If you’d like to arrange your own session, email me at info’at’dogrosehealing.com to book!

EFT Case Story: Coping with lack of support

My client’s mother had moved overseas and she was feeling stuck on the issue. When she had moved away it was a very bad time for my client, a time when she very much needed support. It bothered her and upset her, yet she couldn’t just get over it or let it go. She also had had a friend recently move away which also impacted on her feeling unsupported.

We tapped for “Loneliness” first, as this was the most obvious feeling that she was experiencing.

What presented next was “Distance” as she was feeling a world away.

She then felt that she was being silly about it all. She talked about wanting to be more positive and patient instead of yelling and being hard on her kids. We tapped for “Silly“.

The feeling then was a sense of emptiness, which we tapped for. During this round she found that she was focused on the windchimes outside instead, that it had allowed her to take in more of the bigger picture and things going on around her. She felt that she was more accepting of her mother and her life and her happiness.

We tapped for “Accepting” and she saw a visual image of herself smiling, from ear to ear. She saw herself as confident and happy and it was empowering as she was happy and on her own.

We tapped for “Content and happy” and after this she described a feeling of bliss, allowing herself to be happy and accepting of life around her.

If you’d like to arrange your own session, email me at info’at’dogrosehealing.com to book!

EFT Case Story: Fear of needles

My client has a chronic medical issue which requires for her to have many appointments and many injections or blood withdrawals via syringe. She had an appointment later in the day in a clinic where she knew she would be getting a needle. She woke up feeling sick about this needle and it preoccupied her thoughts.

When she thinks about it, she said she feels “Guhhh! I feel sick and like I’m going to faint”.

We tapped for “Needles“.

When thinking about needles now, she recognises that they are unavoidable. She also feels less sick, and feels some tension in her neck and shoulders.

We tapped for “Needles” again.

After this she described that the shoulder tension increased and then let go. She also got a beautiful visual of herself in warm water with purple butterflies flying around her. She described it as tranquil and calm. A rock area with a lagoon and fresh water.

We tapped for “Tranquil and calm” and then expanded upon the scene with Project Sanctuary. She described the experience of being at this lagoon very peaceful, that she was just sitting in this space silently and could take in the surroundings of forest trees and lush green grass. She had no intentions of leaving this cleansing lagoon, but would sit on a rock, soak up the warmth of the sunshine before returning to the lagoon, and repeating as needed.

She felt that she was able to see things as they are with no distractions, no confusion. We had done other tapping before this and some additional clarity may have been due to the shifting of other energy reversals also. She was enjoying this space and decided to bring her husband and children into it also.

While talking about the surroundings, she recalled a dream that she had kept having where she was flying very fast very close to the ground. She recognised that the trees in this sanctuary were the same as those in her dream. She realised now that this place was where she had been trying to get to in her dream.

When she thought about needles that she would be soon to have, she had no negative feeling at all, she felt quite relaxed and calm. She decided that she could take this tranquil space and revisit it as needed through her treatments as well as in her every day, and was considering sketching the scene to have a tangible reminder of it.

It was a little goosebump worthy to have this Project Sanctuary experience as well as the dream connection present itself in the process of resolving an issue. Just beautiful!

If you’d like to arrange your own session, email me at info’at’dogrosehealing.com to book!

Don’t be scared of acknowledging hate

It is so inspiring to see many motivational posters, quotes and images coming up in my Facebook news feed lately. People are writing and liking and sharing messages of positivity, letting go and manifesting the best version of ourselves and our lives. Awesome!

The downside of committing to being more positive and living in line with these messages is that there becomes a fear of giving attention to anything negative. We are becoming conditioned to focus ONLY on the positive, smile, be helpful, caring, selfless, stop and smell the roses, just being in this hectic world. Where does anything negative fit into that, if that negativity is what we’re troubled by? Can we just deny the negative stuff so it goes away? And does that work?

In comparison to affirmations, where we focus on positive statements only, the process of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) gives attention to the negative as well as the positive.

This can be hard for some people to take. I had a friend once complain about her son’s behaviour when she was clearly annoyed by it. I suggested she tap for “His voice is so grating!” (which is what she had said moments before) and she was horrified and refused.

“Wouldn’t giving attention to something bad make it worse? I’d rather just ignore it than give it attention!”

Surprisingly, no. It doesn’t make it worse. The reality is the opposite, in fact. When we use EFT in conjunction with a negative feeling, we give it room to evolve into something different so we can feel good again. I visualise the tapping action as an inspection along the meridian lines for anything relating to that negative feeling, calling it to the surface and allowing it the ability to process and shift!

I don’t believe that denying the feelings or trying to cover them up with positive ones does anything to the energy system unless we are engaging it with an energy therapy in conjunction.

Once you have tapped a round of EFT for something negative, the negative feeling reduces. But you do need to be prepared give it attention in order for that to happen. Facing it head on can be scary or intimidating, but it is a short term blip along the path of healing.

Aside from affirmations, there is running away, ignoring, trying to think yourself better, getting drunk or high.. those options don’t give the real problem attention, and so the problem remains.

Feeling good isn’t just about denying the bad.

Feeling good is letting the ‘bad’ surface for air so it can evaporate!

Don’t worry, good practitioners aren’t going to think badly of you if you tap with them for how much you hate your child (or husband, mother, family, life, brain, uterus, left breast etc). Because we know that the hate is a temporary energy blockage, not the truth of the situation or of yourself. We know that the hate needs to shift before you have room for love (here’s an example of this in action).

How do you love someone while hating them? How do you feel positive when you’re annoyed? Reading all the motivational posters in the world cannot change those feelings until you engage the energy body. This is why things like EFT work so well, we are working at the source of the feeling, not trying to change it with our brain or willpower.

If you’d like a session with me to shift your own hatred or negative stuff, email me to arrange. I am very happy to work via Skype!

Uncloaking The Men

This interesting energy habitat experience was inspired by a dream that Silvia Hartmann described. She found herself in a normal world, a shopping centre with all the same shops as expected in a normal shopping centre.. yet all of the men, and all of the male children and babies, were covered in black cloaks from head to toe. When one looked closer, the men seemed to be uncomfortable and unhappy with this even though it seemed to be the ‘done thing’. There were people going cloakless in secret when given the opportunity.

I asked my energy mind to take me to where I needed to be to resolve this black cloak issue..

I am facing an emperor of sorts who is sitting on a large throne which is on a platform that stairs lead to. Their energy is quite intimidating and I’m scared. We are up high in this building, and through dark/tinted glass I can see trees and buildings far below, mostly trees.

There are guards with him with weapons and protective gear. 

The emperor himself has a mask on and I can’t see his features. He reminds me of Darth Vader in a way. He is wearing a black cloak himself and the mask is black and he has black gloves and shoes on. 

He says “What do you want” in a deep and gruff voice. 

I feel almost paralysed with fear. [I tap for this.] 
I say evenly and clearly “I am here to talk about the black cloaks that the men wear”. 

“Yes? What of it.” 
“Well I know that it bothers them and is a problem for them. Why must they wear them?” 
“Because it is the respectable thing to do of course!” he sounds irritated. He stands and starts pacing. His guards watching him and I. 
“Respectable how? They can’t properly eat, read a newspaper, engage with others. Their beauty and truth is suppressed by the cloaks. It’s an outrage really how this has been allowed to continue on. Especially for male babies to be born into this.” 
He is quite close to me and turns and points his finger at me “I don’t have to justify myself to you!”. 
“No,” I say, still quite calm, “But you have to justify yourself to YOU. How do you live with yourself knowing how you are affecting the lives of others so negatively? Why must you hide them?” 

He looks at the guards and dismisses them with his hand. They look uncertain and pause and he dismisses them again and they leave down the stairs and corridor behind me.

“Right” he says once they’ve left. “If you must know, the cloaks are present because of a curse. The curse began with me and continues with all of man.” 
“Well that’s great then!” I say “We can lift it. I know we can!” 
“It’s not so easy” he says and sighs. 
“Why?” 
“I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work. The cloaks are staying.” 
“I refuse to take this as an answer and the end. Stand back!” 

I don’t know what I intend to do but I am about a metre away from him and I assess the cloak with my energy hands, my energy mind and my energy heart. I feel like sobbing with the intense sadness that I intuit. The hurt, the rage, the defeatedness and lost hope is hurting me too. A tear rolls down my right cheek. 

I close my eyes and ask for guidance. I hear “The antidote lies in the heart”. 

I ask for him to stay still and I place my energy hands over his heart. I intend for the necessary healing and energy to flow through me and into him. To make right what went wrong, to lift what had lay stuck, to release what was blocked, to break the curse. 

There is a big rushing of wind and a howling to go along with it. I keep my feet and my focus and my intention. There is a vacuum type of noise and the wind then dies down. 

The emperor’s mask has been blown off and it reveals a stunned face. Where my hands were on his heart area is a single thread exposed and standing out. I pull this thread and keep pulling it and pulling it while it comes. A pile of string is gathering at my feet. 

At last the thread comes to an end and the cloak drops to the floor. 

The man shines, as if he glows from within. He beams with happiness and stretches his arms out and shifts in this space. It is as if he has been shackled his whole life and is now free. He is crying tears of happiness.

“Thank you!” he says. “Thank you for what you have done and for this freedom that is now mine.” 

The windows no longer seem tinted and from the top of this glassed area we can see the sun shining brilliantly over the ocean. The energy here is calm and still and relieved.

Can’t make a decision?

How are you when it comes to making decisions? Is it a pleasurable and easy experience? Or something that you find difficult?

Decisions decisions..

We all have to make decisions in our lives, whether it is for things that impact us alone or for things that affect others. Sometimes the sheer weight of what it means to make a decision can put us off making any decision at all. Leaving us in limbo, or putting the responsibility onto someone else to do the deciding.

When we don’t make our own decisions, or we allow others to decide for us, we are no longer fully choosing our direction in life. We are allowing someone to live our lives for us (depending on the severity of the issue). We’re living in a passive way. I see it visually as a ping pong ball where other people hold the paddles and the passive person is pushed and guided in a haphazard way, compared to a bowling ball which is heading exactly where it intended from the beginning, no matter what those pins say! Which are you more like? Do you resent the bowling ball types? It’s interesting to give attention to.

Using energy techniques to help us decide

So let’s do something about it. It’s all energy, so we can shift what prevents us and let the decision making flow without any tension or ill-feeling. Let’s do something with decision making that will allow us to grab the reins and steer our life where our heart and soul knows it needs to go. Which is exactly what should drive us – our heart and our true selves. That part of us that knows what is best for us, irrespective of any ‘shoulds’ or rules or fears or worries. And it absolutely does exist, it just struggles to be heard at times over the “Yeah but”s.

I learned this interesting technique from Silvia Hartmann and have applied it to several things, both professionally and personally. It’s quite interesting to do and can reveal some things you had perhaps not recognised before.

Meet your emotions about the decision

First you have your decision that you are trying to make, or one that you have agonised over. Have that in mind as we begin this exercise.

What emotions present when you think about this? Give them a label, be aware of all of them as if they were persons that were there in your presence. “Oh look, here is fear, worry and anxiousness! Hi guys..”

One-by-one, address those emotions, as if by conversation. (I give you permission to talk to yourself!)

Fear makes itself very popular when it comes to decisions! I would guess that it would be the #1 reason behind not being able to decide. So we might say “Hi fear. What’s going on, why won’t you let me decide here?”

And fear might say “Because you’ll get it wrong, you’ll stuff it up. You’ll probably offend someone in the process and you’ll look like a real idiot. You might even ruin your life.” Let fear have a good chance to vent and explain their view. I find typing this is really helpful, but pen to paper is good too.

You: “Well that could be true. But what other choice do I have?”

Fear: “Just don’t decide. Someone else can do it. Someone else can screw up and look dumb!”

You: “But this is a decision for ME and one I need to make. I know my own feelings about this where others do not. I know what I need to do and I’m not afraid to make my choice, come what may.”

And maybe fear will have some rebuttal to that. Keep talking. Eventually fear and you will come to an agreement and maybe fear will no longer be there with you?

So now who is left? Repeat the same process with whichever other emotions appeared.

Trust that you know the right decision for you, regardless of the emotions in the way. ‘Talk’ to them to resolve any disagreements to be able to move forward with a clear head.

Use Emotional Freedom Technique if you are more comfortable

If you prefer to tap, use EFT and tap for those emotions that present and allow them to unfold. Perhaps “Fear” will evolve into something like “Don’t want to look bad”.

Please note: When I say ‘right’ decision, I don’t mean that “nothing bad will happen”. My feeling is that the process of deciding and potentially having challenges arise is an opportunity for adjustment, growth and refinement. And if it’s truly not working out for you, again YOU make the decision. We have freedom of a mind that we can change, so feel free to change your mind!

My decision

I decided to leave a job I had, even though it was well paid, I liked the people and they loved me and begged me to stay. It was difficult to make this decision with all of these positives, but I knew it was the best one for me. My heart wasn’t in it and my calling was elsewhere. With keeping the job I had very little time to devote to my true calling and I was feeling frustrated and irritated. We may have some financial teething issues or changes to make as a result, but this decision was right for me.

Making decisions doesn’t have to be difficult when you remember a few things:

  • This is MY life. I’m ready to live it as my own!
  • I know what is best for me, I know what I want out of life.
  • It is okay for me to make mistakes or be challenged. It’s how I learn.
  • It is safe for me to learn new things and open new doors.
  • I am willing to tweak and adjust along the way – my decisions don’t need to be perfect.
  • I am willing to accept all that this decision results in.

If any of those statements feel uncomfortable, tap for them!

Happy decision making!

Why care about emotions or energy anyway?!

I am kept awake in the wee hours of the morning being urged to write this by something within. So here I am, writing while my house is dark and silent and my husband sleeps beside me.

I have a lot of information on my business cards.

They tell you that I am certified in a number of things. That I am an energist. That I use flower essences, reiki, EFT, intuition, spiritual guidance. That I can help you. But what does it all mean and how can I help people, and why should they be helped in the first place?

I’m an expert of the energy body.

The spirit part of ‘mind, body and spirit’. The part that many forget they even have. It’s easy to forget because it’s not able to be seen with our eyes.

Just like the physical body, the energy body wants to be well. It wants to be balanced and wants flow. However it is much more subtle to tell if it is out of balance and needs assistance.

Fortunately, we have EMOTIONS  and feelings to guide us.

Take for example the word ‘Marriage’. If you say this word out loud or to yourself, does the energy of this word flow through your body pleasantly? Or does it begin its journey and get stuck somewhere? A lump in the throat, a twinge in the gut? Does saying it result in tension or pain in your body somewhere, a feeling of unease, an emotion such as fear or worry or anxiety? This latter situation is an indication of an energy disruption.

Visual representation of disrupted energy flow

Try the same thing with other words as an experiment. Try: ‘Sex’, ‘Food’, ‘Chocolate’, ‘Success’, ‘Love’, ‘Mother’, ‘Attractive’, ‘Money’, ‘Going on a plane’, ‘Spiders’, ‘Exercise’. Where does the energy go? Does it flow through or does it get stuck? Maybe some of those zipped through your energy happily (nice hey?), maybe others didn’t.

So why do we care?

Why do we care if we say a word and it feels awkward? Big deal, right! It’s just words, after all.

We care because not only is that feeling an indication of our stance towards that word on its own, but it is an indication of our beliefs and attitude towards that entire concept, and a clear indication that something is not quite right, energetically. It is then very likely that we could have issues with that part of our lives outwardly, and flow-on issues as a result. Therefore that feeling is VERY important.

Why the energy body?

Why don’t we just fix things with our physical worlds and be done with it? Or tell ourselves the truth of the situation and use our minds to think ourselves to be more positive?

If we want to solve a problem with ‘Exercise’ for example (say we feel dread when we think about exercising), we have three choices.

  1. Engage the physical body and make ourselves do it, one step after the other, even though we don’t want to.
  2. Engage the mental body and psych ourselves up to get out and exercise regularly, even though we don’t want to.
  3. Engage the energy body and evolve that feeling of dread into something more positive, so exercising is no longer dread-ful at all.

Options 1 and 2 aren’t going to be easy nor sustainable long term. They are going to require motivation, focus, and energy to maintain. However, option 3 addresses the root cause, has the entire person (mind, body and spirit!) in agreement and flow, and resolves the issue permanently. It makes it easy! And the energy body is quick to adjust when you work with a practitioner.

Gone are the days of pushing yourself through something that you hate when you can evolve how you feel!

My business cards could say so many things!

Via the energy body we can tackle anything and everything. Mental and emotional problems most definitely, such as stress or anxiety, but also physical problems which have emotional components. We can alter our beliefs, our relationships, concepts, our view of ourselves and others and the world around us. This means that our reality is able to be changed and improved! We are no longer limited by our past experiences or negative beliefs. We have the ability to change our lives for the better – and it’s easy!

When we are able to get in at the root of the issue, treating the energy body directly and improving how we feel about something without mental or physical effort, we just feel good!

Healthy energy flow!

Now how do I put all that onto a business card?

Who is in the driver’s seat of your life?

I was at the Body & Soul Expo on the weekend. It was great to experience my first expo and understand how it works, what happens with them, what kinds of questions people have. I have some further ideas and inspiration for myself and my business and how to share my services and information at future expos.

What was very curious to me was the amount of people who waited in line for psychic readings. I received very little interest in my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) sessions. If you’ve followed my Facebook page or case stories in this blog, you will see that I have been a part of some very significant emotional transformations. This is significant stuff, life-changing, and very worthwhile. Not only for that moment of transformation and that specific issue, but as an ongoing skill and tool for LIFE. Once you learn EFT, your life is no longer the same! Emotional freedom indeed!

Unfortunately (for me!) it seems that every (wo)man and his dog just wants to have their future predicted and to make contact with those that have crossed over. No one wants to look at the here and now of their own emotions/energy. Of course I’m going to be biased here due to my own experiences and knowledge, and the fact that I have chosen to discontinue my own spiritual predictions and focus more on energy evolutions, but this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Think about it:

One could ask to be told information about their future career.

OR

One could release any blocks of fear or doubt they have in going out and making their career of their dreams come true. One could set their intentions on their dream career and evolve anything within them that believes the possibility to be untrue.

One could ask to be told about their future lover(s).

OR

One could release any barriers or fears or energetic reversals relating to love, sex, relationships, marriage, sharing their space, sharing their wardrobe, sharing their life (and so on!). One could improve their confidence or anxiety with approaching prospective mates, improve their assertiveness with getting what they seek from a partner, gain confidence and strength enough to leave their abusive partner. The list is endless.

One could ask for contact with passed love ones.

OR

One could release any guilt, grief, disconnectedness from spirit, fear, and embrace the fact that they are in contact with them whenever they choose, allowing them to be open to signs or messages and love from beyond. One could consult with an energist (like me!) and be taught techniques such as Project Sanctuary which allows us to create spaces for interaction with energies of those that have passed. We are never alone, and can do these things with our own abilities. We are ALL blessed with an energy mind. We are driving the vehicle that is our lives!

This is me driving my life! (well, a car, but my life too) Look how satisfied I am!

My problem at this expo was this: HOW do I put on a quick and snappy A4 sign all of this potential and possibility within each and every one of us? How do I put it into words the power that resides in simple techniques and choices?

We get to choose what we want here and the only thing that is holding us back is ourselves, what we believe, what we understand to be true. Beliefs, understandings and feelings are ALL ENERGY AND ALL ABLE TO BE EVOLVED!!

AIM HIGHER! Don’t let anyone else tell you what YOU want in your life. Use your imagination, focus and energy, and create the life that you dream of! It doesn’t have to be complicated, mystical or out of reach for ‘normal’ people.

[My apologies for an odd blog post email that went out on Saturday night. It wasn’t meant to be published.]

EFT Case Story: Not interested in having sex and being intimate

My client explained that she was having issues with sex and intimacy with her husband. She found the thought of being intimate with him off-putting, it made her feel sick. She felt “creeped out” by it. She said it had been this way for a long time. They had children very quickly into the relationship (their first child was conceived several weeks after having first met), and she suffered with morning sickness through both of her pregnancies and also was not wanting to be intimate while she was still breastfeeding.

As her children have got older, she has realised that sex was an issue for her. She used to have a high sex drive, but now doesn’t want to do it at all. She feels like she doesn’t want to “give it to him, as he’s not earnt it”. She just wants him to go away and describes how she feels that she has a shield up. A heavy, thick, solid shield from her stomach area. She said that he had been hurtful with his words in the past and she has had a barrier up since then.

We firstly tapped for “Calm” to de-stress and also to teach her how to do a round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). She felt quite relaxed after this.

When she thought about the issue of intimacy, she felt she would rate it as -1 on the SUE scale. The way she would describe it is that she is trapped, cornered, and has not many choices. That either he will get frustrated and seek sex elsewhere or leave her, or she had to make herself do it. But she didn’t want to force things for herself either. We tapped for “Trapped“.

While tapping for “Trapped”, she was reminded of all the things that he does for the family that are positive and that he is a good guy, a good dad, a good person. He cooks and cleans regularly and spends time with the kids.

From seeing him more in this light, she was able to relate her feelings about sex back to an incident where they had tried to have sex soon after childbirth and she knew that she wasn’t completely ready. It was awkward and uncomfortable and she described that she felt violated as a result. At around the same time, her brother-in-law had died and her husband was very unsupportive of her through this and had very little empathy.

She said she was able to see now that they are “in this together”, that it’s a problem for the both of them to work on together, rather than just an issue for her. That she has his support now and he is not who he used to be.

When she thought about being intimate now she rated the strength of feeling as +1. Together we tapped for “Violated” when she thought back to the sexual encounter soon after childbirth. She felt that this shifted while we tapped, she struggled to think of it towards the end of the tapping round.

She recognised that they needed to engage and talk about this situation. She felt that she was freeer and that there was no barrier anymore! She rated her feeling as +2 or +3.

We decided to tap for how she wanted to feel about sex with her husband and we chose “Free and excited“, which evolved into “Free and excited, and CAN’T WAIT!” and was lots of fun. My own husband may or may not receive ‘borrowed benefits’ from this session.. 😉  While tapping for this, she recognised that there was a fear of falling pregnant again that was putting her off also, and that she needed to make some more permanent choices for contraception.

My client is now able to visualise the two of them together intimately. She can see how she has been closing him out and that he has been trying to be mature and work together with her to improve things. She can see that he has a fun side and maybe she has been too serious, that they make a good team to balance each other out. She could also recognise that she may have been using sex as part of a power play – one part of her life where she was able to control the situation. She rates the issue at +5 now, which is fantastic!

We decide to tap on that sense of fun and having that with her husband: “Fun with John“. She found herself thinking about a family dinner tonight and how they can just have fun together and not worry about any drama.

She now rates the feeling about being intimate with him as +8 or +9! She said she could visualise going home and giving him a big passionate kiss. Where usually she struggles to just give him a peck on the cheek. A passionate kiss is not what she would normally do at all, and she can see that it’s something they’ve both been missing. A void in their lives.

My client felt as though the issue had lifted and was no longer a problem for her, which I am delighted to hear and be a part of!

Afterword:

It is easy to see from this case story where someone could easily try to push themselves to do something they don’t want to do, without resolving the reasons as to why they aren’t wanting to do it in the first place.

A much easier and gentler way is to evolve the “I don’t want to” into “Hmm I might want to” and then keep evolving into maybe “I do want to” and then “Wow I really really want to, can I please??”. No forcing necessary when you release the energetic reversals! It becomes easy and natural and you live the truth of yourself rather than fight against those instincts that are trying to tell you something.

If you’d like to book your own session with me to evolve your own things that are stuck and resisting, contact me via email at info@dogrosehealing.com!