Uncloaking The Men

This interesting energy habitat experience was inspired by a dream that Silvia Hartmann described. She found herself in a normal world, a shopping centre with all the same shops as expected in a normal shopping centre.. yet all of the men, and all of the male children and babies, were covered in black cloaks from head to toe. When one looked closer, the men seemed to be uncomfortable and unhappy with this even though it seemed to be the ‘done thing’. There were people going cloakless in secret when given the opportunity.

I asked my energy mind to take me to where I needed to be to resolve this black cloak issue..

I am facing an emperor of sorts who is sitting on a large throne which is on a platform that stairs lead to. Their energy is quite intimidating and I’m scared. We are up high in this building, and through dark/tinted glass I can see trees and buildings far below, mostly trees.

There are guards with him with weapons and protective gear. 

The emperor himself has a mask on and I can’t see his features. He reminds me of Darth Vader in a way. He is wearing a black cloak himself and the mask is black and he has black gloves and shoes on. 

He says “What do you want” in a deep and gruff voice. 

I feel almost paralysed with fear. [I tap for this.] 
I say evenly and clearly “I am here to talk about the black cloaks that the men wear”. 

“Yes? What of it.” 
“Well I know that it bothers them and is a problem for them. Why must they wear them?” 
“Because it is the respectable thing to do of course!” he sounds irritated. He stands and starts pacing. His guards watching him and I. 
“Respectable how? They can’t properly eat, read a newspaper, engage with others. Their beauty and truth is suppressed by the cloaks. It’s an outrage really how this has been allowed to continue on. Especially for male babies to be born into this.” 
He is quite close to me and turns and points his finger at me “I don’t have to justify myself to you!”. 
“No,” I say, still quite calm, “But you have to justify yourself to YOU. How do you live with yourself knowing how you are affecting the lives of others so negatively? Why must you hide them?” 

He looks at the guards and dismisses them with his hand. They look uncertain and pause and he dismisses them again and they leave down the stairs and corridor behind me.

“Right” he says once they’ve left. “If you must know, the cloaks are present because of a curse. The curse began with me and continues with all of man.” 
“Well that’s great then!” I say “We can lift it. I know we can!” 
“It’s not so easy” he says and sighs. 
“I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work. The cloaks are staying.” 
“I refuse to take this as an answer and the end. Stand back!” 

I don’t know what I intend to do but I am about a metre away from him and I assess the cloak with my energy hands, my energy mind and my energy heart. I feel like sobbing with the intense sadness that I intuit. The hurt, the rage, the defeatedness and lost hope is hurting me too. A tear rolls down my right cheek. 

I close my eyes and ask for guidance. I hear “The antidote lies in the heart”. 

I ask for him to stay still and I place my energy hands over his heart. I intend for the necessary healing and energy to flow through me and into him. To make right what went wrong, to lift what had lay stuck, to release what was blocked, to break the curse. 

There is a big rushing of wind and a howling to go along with it. I keep my feet and my focus and my intention. There is a vacuum type of noise and the wind then dies down. 

The emperor’s mask has been blown off and it reveals a stunned face. Where my hands were on his heart area is a single thread exposed and standing out. I pull this thread and keep pulling it and pulling it while it comes. A pile of string is gathering at my feet. 

At last the thread comes to an end and the cloak drops to the floor. 

The man shines, as if he glows from within. He beams with happiness and stretches his arms out and shifts in this space. It is as if he has been shackled his whole life and is now free. He is crying tears of happiness.

“Thank you!” he says. “Thank you for what you have done and for this freedom that is now mine.” 

The windows no longer seem tinted and from the top of this glassed area we can see the sun shining brilliantly over the ocean. The energy here is calm and still and relieved.

Virtually teaching EFT to increase energy awareness

I asked my energy mind for a story for the World Energy Awareness Event which would enhance energy awareness. The following is what it came back with.

I am standing on a podium on a stage, in front of an audience of at least several hundred people. It feels like night time. I’m wearing short sleeves so I’m thinking it’s Spring or Summer. I feel warm. And electric actually! Really buzzing. I smell scents of wood and floor polish and mustiness of the heavy curtains of this stage that I am on.

The audience is watching me expectantly and I have goosebumps with excitement.

“ENERGY”, I say. A little too close to the mic perhaps, and it booms loudly out to the audience. “Energy”, I try again, “is everything. It’s who we are, how we feel, why we act, why we choose, why we do. It creates our dreams, our goals and fantasies, but also our fears and nightmares. When we feel scared or nervous, we might feel a churn in our tummies, a sense of butterflies, or upset as though we are being rolled around in ocean waves. Our response is us physically feeling how our energy is responding. If we look at that trigger, the thing that made us nervous or scared, and make changes on an energetic level, we evolve our response to the trigger in future. Maybe the butterflies are less active, maybe the rolling waves become calmer. Whatever happens is unique to us and our own energy, but the act of giving attention to a trigger on an energetic level has a predictable outcome. Something will change.”

I look around and see interested faces. I ask “Would you like to try it with me? Would you like to give some energy attention to something and see what happens?”

I see nods and murmurs and hear shifting in seats. There are some nervous giggles and embarrassed looks exchanged. Like “What will she make us do??”

I say “I will teach you how to do something called EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique. It is simple, an easy tapping on points of the face and hand. We’re going to use the word “Calm” as we learn.”

I demonstrate this round, watching them as I do. [like this if you are playing along at home – it’s silent, say the word “Calm”] Their tapping action awkward and stiff. Some aren’t participating but they see most everyone else doing it and eventually follow along. We finish with our three deep breaths and I smile in encouragement before moving on with the exercise.

“We’re all just going to think of something that has caused you stress this week. It could be an event, a situation, a person. Hopefully you can think of something.”

I see nods, so I go on. We tap again and tap for “This stress” [like this if you are playing along at home – say “This stress” while thinking about your stress as you tap]. I am feeling really positively as I go. I see smiles after this round.

I say “If you think about that thing that stressed you, do you notice any change? Think about how it feels now.” Some people look bewildered, confused, stunned, so I say “Let’s repeat this! Let’s tap for “This stress” again, thinking about that thing that stressed you through the week.”

We tap. [like this if you are playing along at home – again tap for “This stress”] I am feeling a bond growing between all of us. After this I am seeing more positive faces and smile. Some are rolling their shoulders and I can tell that the tension that was there has shifted at least enough to be noticed by them. I tell them that once the stress has subsided that we can then treat ourselves to some delicious energy, an antidote to the problem they had.

I find myself suggesting “Paradise” because it just rolls off my tongue for this group. A peaceful paradise where they are radiant, positive beings, full of joy and calm, with positive relationships and experiences.

Together we tap. [like this if you are playing along at home – tap for “Paradise”] The energy is amazing. Paradise indeed in this auditorium and in all of us. They are smiling and I cheer their enthusiasm, “Yes!”.

I hear some call out for one more round. I suggest LOVE and get many nods in agreement. I am seeing people on their feet now. We tap for “Love” [like this if you are playing along at home – use the word “Love”] which softens the room and I feel intense connection between us all. If they were skeptical, they no longer COULD be. Energy is real and alive and well in all of us. It is up to us whether we choose to welcome it into our lives.

I thank them for their time and leave the stage, beaming with happiness and energy, hearing their applause and cheering as I go.

This energy habitat reminded me of my upcoming webinar (register here!) and the potential of that medium to share energy therapies with the world. To help several hundred people to feel good about their selves and their lives in a short time is magic! (and so doable!) We live in a very exciting time!!

Meeting Cho Ku Rei

I revisited Reiki level I today as part of my Reiki master level. It was great getting back in amongst the history and the symbols and lovely like-minded people on their own journeys.

I’ve learnt a lot since I originally did Reiki I. One of the things I have learnt is Project Sanctuary and creating energy habitats. I was inspired to blend these two things and create a habitat for one of the Reiki symbols, Cho Ku Rei, my intention to ‘get to know’ it. It looks like my painting of it below.

I see an Asian warrior in front of me. He slowly brings an elongated metal symbol up and over his head like a sword. He presents it to me. With the careful way he is handling it, it feels like it is powerful and dangerous if not handled correctly, like I imagine a samurai sword might be. I feel that the ‘swordsman’ is trained in its use and wants to train me.

He traces a finger along the metal of the symbol, drawing it, and it materialises into silvery dust with a misty cloud. He is holding his hand out and this is suspended in air above it.

He leans in and blows gently at the dust. Some of the dust comes toward me as he is leaning in, and I find I am leaning in also. I feel that we are drawn together by our foreheads. We are almost magnetically drawn there, yet I feel there is a push of energy away from him – an energy field as connector and barrier. He is smiling and I can tell that this is fun for him, I feel like he is reading my mind. I test this and make a joke in my head and he laughs out loud.

We begin communicating telepathically. He thinks, “Now watch this”. He stands upright again, throws his hand up and the remaining silver dust goes up into the air, particles floating between us joining it. It goes up and outward around the two of us, and is shaped like a dome of silvery grey light. “We are protected in this space”, he thinks, and I can feel this is true.

He reaches up above his head and touches the inner top of the dome and the dome shape is scattered and dust particles draw inward and back to his palm.

He again blows it toward me. Systematically, from my head downward, my organs, bones, veins, glands all light up bit by bit, in various colours and then fade. The downward scanning continues to my toes and I realise that my liver has stayed lit up, and is illuminated red. The rest of me darkened.

He waves his hands slowly over the area and I can see that particles that were elsewhere in my body all zoom inward, returning to my liver. The liver is now pulsing silvery white light and the man is still moving his hands. The red light fades gradually until it is no longer illuminated. The man takes a deep breath and the dust returns to his upward facing palm again.

He smiles and opens his palm and gestures for me to do the same. I open my right palm and he places the dust there. I look at its shimmering dance on my hand, marvelling at the flecks of light moving and turning.

I look up and the man is gone. The dust remains.

Who disrespects you really?

I am a bit of a whiz at finding patterns in things. The pattern that was presenting to me was a lack of respect. There were several events with different people and parts of my life involved that were messages of disrespect that were making me feel quite angry: not respecting my wishes or requests or my value on a professional or personal level.

I went further to investigate that in an energy habitat last night.

I was alone in a wooden rowboat in the ocean. Freezing. Scared. There were holes in the side of this boat and water getting in and I couldn’t see any land at all around me. I was freaking out.

And then I got what seemed like a mental request for something (a request in my head, which sounds really strange when I put it into words but it was as if invisible people – yes in the middle of the ocean – were saying “Hey, can you help me?”), on either side of the boat. If I saw beyond the energy habitat, I could take it to represent emails or business requests or requests from my kids. And I said yes to each of them.

Sigh. Yes, okay, I’ll do it. Calming myself down, putting my issues aside. Trying to ignore the boat, ignore my own needs.

I realised in this instant that the problem is that I DON’T RESPECT ME! I don’t respect myself enough to recognise what’s going on with me and make my needs a priority.

So, I began saying no and denied these requests as they came. I focused on the boat only. I snapped off some of the crumbling wood along the top of it to make an oar and paddled and paddled, sweating and exhausted, and finally got to a beach. I got requests when I got to the beach. I still said no. I found a hammock tied to palm trees there and again said no to them before I got to lay down. I laid down, relaxed and enjoyed the sea breeze and being swayed in the hammock. And it was only THEN, after I was relaxed, recharged and rejuvenated, that I said yes.

If you’re feeling disrespected yourself, maybe make sure that YOU are not one of those who is being disrespectful to yourself. The respect has to start somewhere.

Breaking the Sleep Curse

I’ve decided that my household might be cursed in terms of sleep. My 2 year old son doesn’t seem to sleep at all, preferring to busy himself with his toy cars and books even sometimes in the middle of the night, then waking up early the following day, with boundless energy. My 4 year old daughter delays sleep and comes up with excuses not to go to bed and then the following day tries to sleep in and complains of being tired. I am just like my daughter. My husband is just like our son. Or maybe the other way around! I have looked at my own sleep from a few different angles but the problem persists. So let’s try and break the sleep curse, energy style.

I am faced with a dragon. It is at least four or five times my height, it is huge! Green-tinged, and angry, swishing its tail and gnashing sharp teeth.

I’m standing on unstable ground, rocks that shift and move and crumble underfoot.

The sky is dark, grey clouds, red-tinged sky.

I am scared, wondering what I’m meant to do here and suspect I’m about to be eaten. I have a sword and thin armour but not much else that would do any good!

The dragon lunges forward with a growl that’s so heavy it sounds as though it’s coming from within the earth. He comes at me as if to bite me or eat me. Do dragons eat people? No time to think. I swiftly dodge to the side and go behind him and quickly climb onto his back.

He shifts and moves and I hold tightly to fin-like protrusions on his back. He tries to twist his head and neck around to be able to snap at me with his teeth but where I’m sitting and how far he can twist means I am safe for now. Not completely relaxed or comfortable, but cautiously safe! He gets frustrated and writhes more violently, his noises also getting louder.

He lets out a long and ear-blastingly loud bellow before stretching out his wings, flapping them with huge whooshing sounds and lifting himself with me off the ground.

So high up we are! I would try and touch clouds but am to scared I’ll fall down to a ground that I can’t even see. I cling tightly to his fins and neck.

After flying for some time, he comes down to land in a grassed area. The weather is completely different, a blue sky and sunshine! My husband is there waiting while we land! He doesn’t seem perturbed by the fact I am riding on a dragon, and seems to be exchanging a nod in greeting?!

I climb down and rush to where my husband is and look back to the dragon. It is no longer a dragon standing there, but my brown horse from Sanctuary in its place. I approach it and stroke it gently, taking the reins in hand.

I take my husband’s hand in the other hand and walk toward a path that leads us to a forest that I am familiar with.

To be continued? (this dragon rider can’t stay awake)

The Spider-Octopus and Free Speech

In the process of being more honest, more open and more ME, I have come up against situations where the truth may not have been the most popular route, but I took it anyway.

It recently reminded me of being told when I was a child “Your mouth will get you into trouble“. A friend thought it sounded very curse-like and maybe I should remove it. I’ve not removed a curse before, so I asked my energy mind to show me how. This Project Sanctuary experience below is the outcome, and a nice reminder that energy work and resolving things can be fun:

I’m in Sanctuary in my cabin and this THING is suckered onto my mouth. I am pulling at it to get it off and it won’t budge. When I pull at it, it takes my mouth with it. I’m feeling angry and a little distressed. I don’t want it there and I can’t say anything or do anything to get it to move. I figure I could calm down and just go on with my day, and just not be able to talk, but I don’t want to do that (anymore).

I move in front of a mirror in the cabin. I can see this thing. It looks much like a big spider. Black, partly shiny body, but also slimy like an octopus and also suckered onto me like an octopus could. It’s pretty gross. I’m looking in the mirror and this thing also sees the mirror and looks at it too, with its four eyes. It has a furry mouth-like thing which grins. 

In the mirror I give it the finger, because I don’t know what else to do. I ponder if this gesture of displeasure communicates across the spider-octopus to human language translation.

It looks like it’s laughing at me. I growl “GRRRRR!” and it jumps a little. I growl louder and with more force and it rises up on its legs and its body away from my lips, before coming back down again. 

I begin another growl, which builds into a scream once it has raised itself up off my lips and I then close my hand around its body, and am able to pull it off my face, its few remaining suckers making ‘pop’ noises as they unstick, and fling it into my fireplace. I am still screaming and this scream turns into loud cackles of laughter. The thing is hissing and shrieking before it burns and melts into a pool of blackness which is also burnt away into black steam which rises up the chimney and is gone.

I’m left standing in the cabin, playing with sound and my voice and listening to the sounds bounce off the walls back at me: La la la LA la la laaaaa! Buh diddley doo DAT, TAH!! BOOGERS!! SHITFACE!! MONGREL ARSE LICKERS!! (more cackling laughter)

I open up the door to my cabin and I walk out into the forest and the sunshine. I take a deep breath and yell: IIII CAAAANN SAAAYY WHATEVVVVERRRR III LIIIIKKKE!! bahahaha!

So long mouth spider octopus!


It may seem just like a story, and just words, but the energy unfoldments and processes that occur along the way using Project Sanctuary have lasting effects on the energy body and emotions, as I am feeling now! Amazingly high, and SO free to speak my truth!

Scared of Being Happy

I noticed this afternoon that I felt good. That there was nothing I needed or wanted. That I was happy exactly where I was at, and with what I was doing, which was nothing exciting. Just sitting at home. I wasn’t hungry, tired, lonely, bored, cold, uncomfortable. My house wasn’t perfect – I had laundry and crumbs everywhere. My kids had been fighting. I wasn’t immaculately presented. But I was content. Happy!

…And then I got a slight panicked feeling. Feeling that this couldn’t be right. That something would probably happen soon. That I couldn’t possibly feel like this for any length of time. That someone or something was going to upend it.

Thankfully I know that this panic is only energy, so I decided to give it the boot!

My favourite approach when I use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for self-healing is to use the Aspect Model and ‘talk’ to the aspect of myself that has a problem and tap on their behalf. It is a very good way to handle problems where there is an inner argument or a clash of beliefs. In this case, there is an aspect that believes that things can’t possibly be problem-free. This aspect believes that happiness and peaceful moments are fleeting. Let’s call them the Pessimist Aspect.

Hey Pessimist Aspect. I know you’re a little concerned right now..

Yes, I’m worried. Waiting for the axe to fall. [I tap for “The aspect is waiting for the axe to fall” and “The aspect is scared of being happy”]

Why don’t you think you could just be happy.. unconditionally?

Because there’s always something! [I tap for “The aspect believes there’s always something”] I just don’t know HOW to be a happy person. I know how to be a broken person and ‘fix’ them, that’s easy. What do happy people do? How do they live? I don’t know how to be happy. [I tap for “The aspect doesn’t know how to be a happy person”]

It feels all new, hey. Exciting!

Yes, definitely. I am excited too. What if everything I ever wanted was here and now but I was too scared or stressed to enjoy it??

Do you feel like you need to have all the answers and know exactly how things will turn out? Can things just flow?

Of course they can. And no I don’t need to have all the answers. I’m looking forward to this unfolding. I’m ready to feel happy. [I tap for “The aspect is ready to be happy”]

So are you happy? Really? Without any niggles?

Yes! Feels good! [For extra buzzy light energy, I tap for “The aspect feels good being happy!”]
Do you have any aspects that freak out about happiness or living a peaceful life?

Hard things are hard. Heart things aren’t.

I notice that I have an endless, exciting amount of ideas for projects, creations, focuses, directions… SO MANY IDEAS… yet when I actually begin to pursue one of them, I have a short burst of inspiration and then give up.. until yet again I have a flood of ideas and repeat the pattern again of getting started… aaaand giving up.

A pattern, hey? Maybe there’s something in that.

What could be going on here? Maybe an aspect knows??

Hey Giving Up Aspect, what’s going on?


What does that mean, you got me excited about a new project and then you just give up? I don’t understand it. Let’s create something!

What’s to tell? It’s not worth trying. It’s too hard. It won’t work out as well as I see it in my head. I won’t get it right.

How do you know without giving it a go. A REAL go?

I don’t know if I could handle putting in a ton of effort and seeing it wasted if it didn’t turn out.

But maybe the process could be enjoyable, not just the outcome.

Yeah but the outcome is the fun bit.


Because you get to show people what you did and they can see how awesome you are and give glowing praise. Hmm but even then.. what if they don’t?

So what if they don’t! Who is the project for? If you really aren’t doing it for you, then don’t bother. It won’t feel real. Some people deny energy but they still know what they feel, what they like and what feels good. And if you’re doing something just for praise, then yeah maybe it won’t turn out so good either. I think it would be better for it to come from in… here.

<I gently touch the aspect’s heart centre. She smiles and touches mine back. There is a pink glow from both of us that gets gradually brighter. We are face to face, and we are connected. And on the same page.>

Let’s do it. 🙂

Money and the Zen Monk

I asked my energy mind to help me with any reversals relating to receiving money. This is what presented.

I’m in front of a bank teller. He’s serious in expression. The walls and floor are a dark grey stone and the bank is dimly lit and feels cold. There are black iron bars all around the counter.

“Yes?” he is saying. He’s dark haired, bored, dismissive, eye-rolling. I bet he LOVES his job.

“I’d like some money” I say.

“Really? I thought you were above this material stuff. Well no you can’t have it!”


“Because I said so. NEXT!”

“No, hang on. It’s my turn here. Isn’t this a bank? I’d like some money. Do I have an account here?”

“You do. And you have plenty of money in it. But I’m not going to let you have any. Good day!”

I bang my fist on the counter. “That’s really not good enough. Give it to me now! I’m a good person. I deserve to have access to my money! This is crazy!”

They roll their eyes.

I say loudly “Is there a supervisor here?!” and look around and see a well dressed, blonde haired lady coming over. Clip clopping of heels as she comes.

“Yes what’s the problem here?” she says. Far less dismissive but possibly being over polite in trying to soothe things so I leave quietly.

“I’d like some money and apparently I’m not able to?”

“Oh.” she says and looks uncomfortable. “We actually received a letter from you some time ago, requesting that if you ever came into the bank and demanded money that we were to deny you. See?” and she points to an A4 piece of paper on the wall with my photo and what seems to be a letter.

“Can I see that please?” and she hands me the letter.

I read it. It is written as though I am a zen monk who lives high on a mountain and is immune to ‘the evils of money’ and blissfully, smugly, laughingly, distanced from everything to do with it. I don’t remember writing this or thinking that I was ever undeserving. This zen monk version of me seems to have forgotten that I have bills to pay and need to buy food with something other than Monopoly money.

I turn the letter over and scrawl on the back of the paper with a black pen that was resting on the bank counter.

“To whom it may concern,

Please give me all of the money that is mine and intended for me, without question or delay. I am deserving and entitled and open to receiving it. Please disregard any previous correspondence and refer to this letter in future.

Yours, Kelly B.,


I hand it over and the bank teller and the supervisor read it together. Their eyes light up and expressions change. They smile openly and are attentive and enthusiastic.

They hand me a wrapped stack of $2,000 in $100 notes. I put them in my bag. They both wish me a great day as I head toward the door of the bank where bright light is shining through. “Come back soon!” they say. I smile all the way out of the bank!

Mother Duck Gets Honest

The main source of frustration in my life is my children. My children are constantly fighting and playing up and acting bored really, I am permanently at the point of “Over it” lately, even if I start the day with great intentions and a positive spring in my step. I had had physical steps in place to handle things and felt like things were okay.

Until… I saw this on Facebook.

I had a really strong reaction to it. I saw the very sad mother duck, crying herself to sleep while she is cold, her ducklings warm under her feathers, ripped from her body. I was wondering if mother duck would get to sleep, would get to feel comfortable. And she would then need to wake and be on mother duck duty the following day, exhausted and featherless.

And the quote about pie – has this family never heard of sharing?! Why should a mother be someone who denies their own needs and puts themselves last?

Both the words and image together made me quite annoyed. I’m a mother but I never signed up to put my needs last. I never signed up to suffer in silence or go hungry or cold. And many other mums I asked about this agreed with me, but still I wondered why this had ticked me off so much. Things that tick me off (and probably you too!), getting a strong reaction, are reversals. Energy zzts that have got hit in the process of seeing, thinking or feeling something. Nerves that have been touched. So there was something there, but I didn’t know what.

I also felt very strongly I did not want to put the kids first. But that maybe I should want to, (“if I was a good mother”) and I didn’t. Why didn’t I want to?

I had taught my husband Project Sanctuary and how to create energy habitats for specific issues, so ‘for fun’ (my poor, suffering, husband) created me a habitat specific to this issue. Something that would help me understand what was going on in terms of the reversal.

He ‘saw’ a pre-school or kinder type of environment and felt that I was one of the kids. That the issue relates to something that happened when I was a kid.

I thought about that more, didn’t come up with anything immediately, so used good old energy to help me. I did forensic EFT to drill down on what might have happened. I was faced with a situation where a pre-school teacher had asked me to go away, to go and play something, when I had been trailing her and following her around. I recalled a guitar, and felt that it had been music time and then free play and I hadn’t gone off to free play. So I got told to go off. I felt hurt, rejected, abandoned. I tapped on those things for that pre-schooler me and wondered if that was it, but got busy and didn’t get to place attention on it.

A few days later I was sitting in the bathroom while my kids were in the bath, my husband with me. He looked worn out and a bit stressed. I suggested EFT, even offered to tap him and he said no, he just didn’t feel like it. The kids were too loud, he couldn’t focus.

After the bath I had dressed my daughter and we were talking about her skin that has a lot of marks and sores on it. We had applied the usual cream but the redness was persisting. It is a bad time of year for dry skin and irritation but this seemed worse than usual. She said all the sores and red marks were because she had scratched it with her long nails. I trimmed her nails and asked her what she felt when she was itchy, what it reminded her of. She said she felt sad and it reminded her of me going away, when she was asleep and when I was going out with friends without her. She also seems to itch a lot more when she is in her bed or when she is in trouble. (incidentally, base chakra = skin and base chakra also = mother relationship, and itchy = irritated..) So we tapped for her itchy skin after talking about it. Just one round. And then she sighed and said “I don’t want to do this anymore” and went off to play.

It’s silly but it really hit me hard and I got upset. If I couldn’t get my husband or my daughter to tap with me, what hope did I have of getting anyone else to want to? How was I meant to help and be useful? And I tapped for that and recognised that my daughter was in a similar situation, with me not giving her interests a lot of attention either.

Silvia Hartmann has written an entire program (for dog training nonetheless but the approach translates to parenting) whereby the most important element to having a positive relationship as well as reducing issues is ATTENTION ENERGY. Giving attention and giving love with that attention. I hadn’t been doing a lot of that. In fact the main time that I gave attention was when I was in the role of helper/healer. What if my kids were perfectly fine and didn’t need help? Could I still give them attention? I didn’t want to manifest them having problems by focusing on it, what was I doing here?!

So more tapping. More rejection, abandonment, feeling like an annoyance just for being who I am, more sense of respect and love for the individual journeys we’re on, including our individual interests and passions, more love all round. Significant energy shifts here and feeling a zillion times better.

As I put my daughter to bed that night, I said “If I ever made you feel rejected or unloved because I said no to playing with you or did my own thing, I’m really sorry about that. I love you very much.”.

She said “Yes you did”. (not a surprise, but sad acceptance nonetheless) I asked her what we might do to help that, for her to feel better. She asked me to make a suggestion, so I said “More time with just Charlotte and mum for playing?” and she agreed to this. I was then thinking about the flow of our usual day and asked her when she might like to do that. She said “All the time!”. I laughed and said “Well mum does need some time to do her own thing too”. And she said “You get to do that when I’m in bed.”

BAM! There it is.

And she is so right. It really hit me to hear that from her, but she was right and I couldn’t deny it. They sleep 12 hours overnight, giving me approximately 3 hours of Me Time every night including whatever else I do through the day while they are awake. I thought about the things that I did on a daily basis and recognised that the majority of things I was doing WERE for me. I had really got away with being a pretty selfish Mrs Duck, and my ducklings were the ones who were being put last.

So it comes as no surprise, in hindsight, that that image on Facebook created a reaction in me. Deep down I knew what was going on, but I didn’t make the appropriate connections, or just didn’t want to own up to them.

This also is further unfolding of other challenges I have felt or experienced with my children. Will shifting that sense of abandonment and rejection make the difference? I know what I need to do in practical terms, it’s just flowing with that and softening any resistance as it presents.

What kind of Mother Duck are you and how do you give attention energy to your ducklings?