EFT Case Story – Relationship struggle: Hating her husband.

My client today explained a number of situations where she felt scattered, disorganised, exhausted and unable to focus. She was finding herself emotional all the time and procrastinated with things that she really wanted to do.

We began by tapping for “Calm” to de-stress her energy.

From here she admitted that it related to not feeling loved and that it seemed to centre around her relationship with her husband. When I asked her how she felt about him, she said “I feel nothing, and that’s scary”. She expanded on this and how she would not want to be touched, how she wouldn’t say “I love you” back to him and that she didn’t want to be around him. She rated the situation and her feelings for him as -10 on the SUE scale, which is very strongly negative. She described it as “Hatred“, so this is what we tapped for.

After tapping for this, she described that she had a flashback during the tapping. She was thinking about a situation in the past where she had been hurt in a 2 year relationship, was coming out of that, didn’t want to be hurt again and she was ready to swear off men completely. Then she met her (future) husband and she was quite rude to him and pushing him away. He had said to her “I don’t ever want to leave you because of the love I have for you. I love you too much”.

In some ways she was reminded of her father and saw him in her husband. She remembered situations where they had made choices about money and finances and she had gone along with what he had said and it had gone badly. She had got them to a better place and he had been thankless. She also saw that her father hadn’t acknowledged the good things that she had done. She found herself avoiding admitting things, not wanting her husband to be right. She also mentioned and acknowledged illnesses that she had had that she knew were a physical manifestation of her negative feelings towards him. Recognising a need to make changes.

At this stage she rated the issue as -4 which is a significant jump! When she thought of him, the sense she got was “Disrespect“, which was a pattern in terms of how she felt about her father also. We tapped for this.

After this round she was thinking about him coming home soon. She noticed that she was mildly enthusiastic about it, but had a sense of “We’ll see, he’ll do something to ruin it”. At this stage she felt sad. She was more able to see that some of the treatment she had given him was harsh and not necessarily deserving. She had wondered if it was his expectations on her, but he really had very little. Any expectations came from her father.

She started talking about “before the tapping” and “the illusion of my husband as my father” which I was thrilled to hear. I could tell that she had separated the two men in her mind and recognised that they were different people, with different histories and stories. She was looking forward to working as a team with her husband, that they had enjoyed doing tasks together in the past and she wanted more of that. She felt +5 at this stage. A positive indicator of another amazing jump forward of emotional evolution!

As she was on the positive end of the SUE scale now, I asked her to think about how she wanted to feel about her husband or their relationship. She decided on “Happy with ____” (his name). After this round of tapping she rated the issue at +7.

We then tapped for “Love“. She was reminded of their wedding day. How it was such a wonderful day for them together and she was able to soak it all up and enjoy it. She remembered him looking at her coming down the aisle and how much he loved her. She also remembered how he had taken care of so many things on that day and had taken care of her.

When I asked her how she felt about her husband now, she said LOVE. She rated her feeling as +10!

Afterword:

I am absolutely thrilled for my client for being able to evolve how she was feeling in order to find a more positive place and feeling! I am blown away by how we were able to turn around at least 6 months of negative feeling toward her husband (with a crossover of a lifetime of negative feelings towards her father) into love and acknowledgement of his love – in the space of one hour! I can’t think of any other form of therapy that has results like this, can you?

So what’s the difference?

Energy!

We get to the energetic core of an issue and we give it attention in order to evolve it. We don’t have to spend hundreds of sessions (and corresponding dollars!) talking strategies of loving partners more and ‘things to try’ to get the spark back, we just aim straight at those feelings – that ENERGY. And when we evolve the INNER, the OUTER follows. When you love and adore a partner, things like special date nights happen without effort, it’s easy to reach out and hold hands more. When you have pure hatred for them, it is a battle, an uphill one, trying to make positive feelings out of negative ones without actually working with the energy you’ve got.  UGH! I know the approach I’d like to take!

Virtually teaching EFT to increase energy awareness

I asked my energy mind for a story for the World Energy Awareness Event which would enhance energy awareness. The following is what it came back with.

I am standing on a podium on a stage, in front of an audience of at least several hundred people. It feels like night time. I’m wearing short sleeves so I’m thinking it’s Spring or Summer. I feel warm. And electric actually! Really buzzing. I smell scents of wood and floor polish and mustiness of the heavy curtains of this stage that I am on.

The audience is watching me expectantly and I have goosebumps with excitement.

“ENERGY”, I say. A little too close to the mic perhaps, and it booms loudly out to the audience. “Energy”, I try again, “is everything. It’s who we are, how we feel, why we act, why we choose, why we do. It creates our dreams, our goals and fantasies, but also our fears and nightmares. When we feel scared or nervous, we might feel a churn in our tummies, a sense of butterflies, or upset as though we are being rolled around in ocean waves. Our response is us physically feeling how our energy is responding. If we look at that trigger, the thing that made us nervous or scared, and make changes on an energetic level, we evolve our response to the trigger in future. Maybe the butterflies are less active, maybe the rolling waves become calmer. Whatever happens is unique to us and our own energy, but the act of giving attention to a trigger on an energetic level has a predictable outcome. Something will change.”

I look around and see interested faces. I ask “Would you like to try it with me? Would you like to give some energy attention to something and see what happens?”

I see nods and murmurs and hear shifting in seats. There are some nervous giggles and embarrassed looks exchanged. Like “What will she make us do??”

I say “I will teach you how to do something called EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique. It is simple, an easy tapping on points of the face and hand. We’re going to use the word “Calm” as we learn.”

I demonstrate this round, watching them as I do. [like this if you are playing along at home – it’s silent, say the word “Calm”] Their tapping action awkward and stiff. Some aren’t participating but they see most everyone else doing it and eventually follow along. We finish with our three deep breaths and I smile in encouragement before moving on with the exercise.

“We’re all just going to think of something that has caused you stress this week. It could be an event, a situation, a person. Hopefully you can think of something.”

I see nods, so I go on. We tap again and tap for “This stress” [like this if you are playing along at home – say “This stress” while thinking about your stress as you tap]. I am feeling really positively as I go. I see smiles after this round.

I say “If you think about that thing that stressed you, do you notice any change? Think about how it feels now.” Some people look bewildered, confused, stunned, so I say “Let’s repeat this! Let’s tap for “This stress” again, thinking about that thing that stressed you through the week.”

We tap. [like this if you are playing along at home – again tap for “This stress”] I am feeling a bond growing between all of us. After this I am seeing more positive faces and smile. Some are rolling their shoulders and I can tell that the tension that was there has shifted at least enough to be noticed by them. I tell them that once the stress has subsided that we can then treat ourselves to some delicious energy, an antidote to the problem they had.

I find myself suggesting “Paradise” because it just rolls off my tongue for this group. A peaceful paradise where they are radiant, positive beings, full of joy and calm, with positive relationships and experiences.

Together we tap. [like this if you are playing along at home – tap for “Paradise”] The energy is amazing. Paradise indeed in this auditorium and in all of us. They are smiling and I cheer their enthusiasm, “Yes!”.

I hear some call out for one more round. I suggest LOVE and get many nods in agreement. I am seeing people on their feet now. We tap for “Love” [like this if you are playing along at home – use the word “Love”] which softens the room and I feel intense connection between us all. If they were skeptical, they no longer COULD be. Energy is real and alive and well in all of us. It is up to us whether we choose to welcome it into our lives.

I thank them for their time and leave the stage, beaming with happiness and energy, hearing their applause and cheering as I go.

This energy habitat reminded me of my upcoming webinar (register here!) and the potential of that medium to share energy therapies with the world. To help several hundred people to feel good about their selves and their lives in a short time is magic! (and so doable!) We live in a very exciting time!!

Hi, I’m your complementary therapist!

Complementary therapist. I like that term.

As your complementary therapist, I…

  • won’t tell you to stop taking any medication you’re already taking.
  • won’t tell you not to see other practitioners.
  • won’t judge how you manage your own health and wellness.
  • won’t make promises that I can’t keep.
  • won’t waste your time.
  • won’t try and sell you things that you don’t need.
  • won’t use therapies or supplements which have side-effects or interaction with other medications.
  • will be honest about what I feel is contributing to an imbalance.
  • will help you to overcome emotional barriers.
  • will go at your pace of evolution.
  • will have you feeling calmer and more relaxed at the very least.
  • will give you what I have to give.

In short, I want you to reach a place of emotional wellness in the easiest way possible. Sound good?

Meeting Cho Ku Rei

I revisited Reiki level I today as part of my Reiki master level. It was great getting back in amongst the history and the symbols and lovely like-minded people on their own journeys.

I’ve learnt a lot since I originally did Reiki I. One of the things I have learnt is Project Sanctuary and creating energy habitats. I was inspired to blend these two things and create a habitat for one of the Reiki symbols, Cho Ku Rei, my intention to ‘get to know’ it. It looks like my painting of it below.

I see an Asian warrior in front of me. He slowly brings an elongated metal symbol up and over his head like a sword. He presents it to me. With the careful way he is handling it, it feels like it is powerful and dangerous if not handled correctly, like I imagine a samurai sword might be. I feel that the ‘swordsman’ is trained in its use and wants to train me.

He traces a finger along the metal of the symbol, drawing it, and it materialises into silvery dust with a misty cloud. He is holding his hand out and this is suspended in air above it.

He leans in and blows gently at the dust. Some of the dust comes toward me as he is leaning in, and I find I am leaning in also. I feel that we are drawn together by our foreheads. We are almost magnetically drawn there, yet I feel there is a push of energy away from him – an energy field as connector and barrier. He is smiling and I can tell that this is fun for him, I feel like he is reading my mind. I test this and make a joke in my head and he laughs out loud.

We begin communicating telepathically. He thinks, “Now watch this”. He stands upright again, throws his hand up and the remaining silver dust goes up into the air, particles floating between us joining it. It goes up and outward around the two of us, and is shaped like a dome of silvery grey light. “We are protected in this space”, he thinks, and I can feel this is true.

He reaches up above his head and touches the inner top of the dome and the dome shape is scattered and dust particles draw inward and back to his palm.

He again blows it toward me. Systematically, from my head downward, my organs, bones, veins, glands all light up bit by bit, in various colours and then fade. The downward scanning continues to my toes and I realise that my liver has stayed lit up, and is illuminated red. The rest of me darkened.

He waves his hands slowly over the area and I can see that particles that were elsewhere in my body all zoom inward, returning to my liver. The liver is now pulsing silvery white light and the man is still moving his hands. The red light fades gradually until it is no longer illuminated. The man takes a deep breath and the dust returns to his upward facing palm again.

He smiles and opens his palm and gestures for me to do the same. I open my right palm and he places the dust there. I look at its shimmering dance on my hand, marvelling at the flecks of light moving and turning.

I look up and the man is gone. The dust remains.

Manifesting gold medals.. or not?

So I’ll let you in on a secret.. I’m not interested in the Olympic Games. I haven’t watched more than 5 minutes of it and I’m not setting alarms and waking early for the events that I’m interested in. Because I’m just not interested in it.

My interest WAS captured however, by a news article about an Australian swimmer, Emily Seebohm, and her quest for a gold medal. The article wrote how she was drawn into Twitter and Facebook comments about her upcoming success and felt that it detracted from her performance.

So my understanding about manifesting and achieving goals is that when you get to a point where you believe that you already have what you’re aiming for, then it manifests.

I read this: “I guess when you swim that fast in the heat, then people put pressure and more pressure on you, saying, ‘Oh, you’re going to get the gold.’. Maybe I just started believing that and just thought I’d already won by the time I had swum and I hadn’t even swum yet.” …and I wondered how that fit into the theory of manifesting.

She believed she’d won, before she’d swum, yet didn’t win. Hmmmm.

What also drew my attention was: “I had never been this nervous but at the Olympics you’re going to be as nervous as you are ever going to be.

Okay, I’m not in her shoes (and probably never will be!), but I don’t think that someone who truly  believes they have won a gold medal would be nervous. Maybe nervous excitement? But if they really truly felt that it was ‘in the bag’, what’s to be nervous about?

And if you go back to that first paragraph, read the words “pressure and more pressure”.

She didn’t believe she had already won. She believed that other people believed she’d already won. She felt their pressure of expectations upon her and perhaps that she couldn’t match up. It is understandable.

Another quote: “I have no idea [what went wrong]. I know that I was super nervous today, so nervous I couldn’t even eat, so I’m sure that had something to do with it. That’s no excuse. I went in there and raced it and didn’t come out on top.

She was so nervous, paralysed with nerves. More nervous than usual. She couldn’t even eat. That sounds like fear. Fear of not being able to do it. Of letting down her country and supporters. Of not performing.

So what did she manifest? A silver medal. Which is admirable and an amazing accomplishment, but from an energy perspective, I do have to wonder if the Olympic team used EFT and tapped for “fear” and reversals associated with meeting the expectations of the public and their selves, how things might change?

EFT – The gift that keeps on giving!

I am always thrilled and excited when I hear back from people who I have taught EFT to and have them describe new ways in which they have used it. EFT is really very easy to do, takes 3 minutes to do one round, and is applicable to anything and everything.

So here are some ways in which my lovely EFT-ers have gone on to use EFT on their own:

  • One of the ladies had a negative association with tapping regularly for her issues at home, relating to it being an OCD-esque kind of nervous habit. She was able to tap through that (beginning with “calm”, moving onto the negative beliefs about the OCD association, then onto “This really works and I’m feeling good” and “I am positive inspired energy”) and feel only positive associations with it.

     

  • Another lady (I don’t get a lot of male clients at this stage!) let me know about a challenging situation she’d faced after sending a message to her boss about a co-worker. She sent the message and immediately felt anxious, as if she’d be seen as a trouble maker and stirring the pot. She tapped to calm as well as relating to the “stirring the pot” feeling and felt great and at peace at taking action.

     

  • And lastly there is another lady who is in the process of quitting smoking who is using EFT to help her along the way.

     

I love that the act of learning how to do EFT unlocks a world of feeling good in so many ways. They may still ask me for feedback in relation to what they are tapping for if they get stuck, but going it on their own and evolving their own issues on the spot would be very empowering and satisfying!

10 Ways To Care For Your Spirit

So there seems to be a consensus that a healthy person is healthy of mind, body and spirit. Great! So how do we look after our spirit? We can eat healthy food and move our physical bodies, but what assists with the wellbeing of our spirit?

The answer is: Awareness

Awareness is the key and the answer and the solution all in one. Here are some easy ways to apply this, without necessarily going too ‘hippy trippy’.

  1. Have regular moments of focused awareness of the senses: Stop and sit, ask yourself what you can hear, smell, see, taste, sense, feel.
  2. In anger, frustration or other challenging emotions, take the time to pay attention to where you feel it in your body and what it feels like. Try to soften the feeling if you can, melt it and allow that feeling to move where it wants to go. This is based on Silvia Hartmann’s EmoTrance.
  3. Regularly stop and ask yourself “What do I need right now?”, and listen to the answer. Be aware of what you need and take heed. Eat if you are hungry, sleep if you are tired, ask for a hug or a hand if you need one, jump around like a loon if that’s what you need. If this seems unrealistic based on your situation, try it for a week or two and see what happens.
  4. It is important to find a safe space to allow what you feel. Things such as “putting a wall up around my heart so it doesn’t hurt”, “putting myself in a bubble of nothingness”, “drinking to numb the pain”, “getting high so I don’t have to care” are denying what the feelings are. The feelings being messages/clues to help. The denial doesn’t do anything long term to evolve the feeling. Find a trusted friend, or journal or both and release with tears and crying, raging, shouting. Using EFT and tapping just for “Calm” alone, works wonders, as well as further tapping on the issues themselves to evolve them. Make contact with an energist who is trained in handling tricky emotions in a safe way.
  5. Meditate. Sitting and breathing and just being is a way to enhance awareness and nurture your spirit. Sitting or laying and listening to relaxing music or nature sounds is an alternative.
  6. Stop and smell the flowers. Literally. Go outdoors and just find a spot and see what you notice. The stopping is hard, but well worth it! Being in nature reminds us of the bigger picture and the cycle of things as well as the beauty in the details that we often skip over. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…
  7. Write a gratitude list. Being aware of the things we have to be grateful for is a great tool to get us out of a loop of stress and worry and mundane. It gets us into recognising and appreciating things, whether they are small or big, such as “I’m grateful I am alive and breathing today!”.
  8. Increase the magic. Magic is synonymous with energy in how it enlivens and nourishes the spirit. Magic and fantasy take us from just existing to something special, where the potential for something great to happen is limitless. Use your imagination to create something incredible (what would you do, be, say if there were no rules, no laws of gravity or time?), use tools like Project Sanctuary to live in a magical world of your own, or immerse yourself in magical creations of others. A world that loves fantasy novels, science fiction, vampires, werewolves, zombies and Harry Potter is a world that craves energy.
  9. Use energy techniques like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Okay, I’m sure for some that this is considered ‘hippy trippy’, but you have an energy system, and we therefore need tools that caters for it and its disruptions as well as enhancing it as far as we want to go. EFT is one of those tools. It requires your awareness of your feelings or emotions or even sensations in your body that present with situations in order to work. If you can’t feel something, or don’t want to, it is going to be much harder to evolve it.
  10. Laugh. Find something that makes you laugh and do it often! Make someone else laugh! Take the task of having a fun and funny life very seriously! Laughter is an emotional release much like crying is, but is far more pleasurable and you might even get to have company alongside you enjoying the process. In the same sense, (good) sex does amazing things to the energy system. Enjoy and let go any tensions or fears in an act that feels good.

     

Who disrespects you really?

I am a bit of a whiz at finding patterns in things. The pattern that was presenting to me was a lack of respect. There were several events with different people and parts of my life involved that were messages of disrespect that were making me feel quite angry: not respecting my wishes or requests or my value on a professional or personal level.

I went further to investigate that in an energy habitat last night.

I was alone in a wooden rowboat in the ocean. Freezing. Scared. There were holes in the side of this boat and water getting in and I couldn’t see any land at all around me. I was freaking out.

And then I got what seemed like a mental request for something (a request in my head, which sounds really strange when I put it into words but it was as if invisible people – yes in the middle of the ocean – were saying “Hey, can you help me?”), on either side of the boat. If I saw beyond the energy habitat, I could take it to represent emails or business requests or requests from my kids. And I said yes to each of them.

Sigh. Yes, okay, I’ll do it. Calming myself down, putting my issues aside. Trying to ignore the boat, ignore my own needs.

I realised in this instant that the problem is that I DON’T RESPECT ME! I don’t respect myself enough to recognise what’s going on with me and make my needs a priority.

So, I began saying no and denied these requests as they came. I focused on the boat only. I snapped off some of the crumbling wood along the top of it to make an oar and paddled and paddled, sweating and exhausted, and finally got to a beach. I got requests when I got to the beach. I still said no. I found a hammock tied to palm trees there and again said no to them before I got to lay down. I laid down, relaxed and enjoyed the sea breeze and being swayed in the hammock. And it was only THEN, after I was relaxed, recharged and rejuvenated, that I said yes.

If you’re feeling disrespected yourself, maybe make sure that YOU are not one of those who is being disrespectful to yourself. The respect has to start somewhere.

Breaking the Sleep Curse

I’ve decided that my household might be cursed in terms of sleep. My 2 year old son doesn’t seem to sleep at all, preferring to busy himself with his toy cars and books even sometimes in the middle of the night, then waking up early the following day, with boundless energy. My 4 year old daughter delays sleep and comes up with excuses not to go to bed and then the following day tries to sleep in and complains of being tired. I am just like my daughter. My husband is just like our son. Or maybe the other way around! I have looked at my own sleep from a few different angles but the problem persists. So let’s try and break the sleep curse, energy style.

I am faced with a dragon. It is at least four or five times my height, it is huge! Green-tinged, and angry, swishing its tail and gnashing sharp teeth.

I’m standing on unstable ground, rocks that shift and move and crumble underfoot.

The sky is dark, grey clouds, red-tinged sky.

I am scared, wondering what I’m meant to do here and suspect I’m about to be eaten. I have a sword and thin armour but not much else that would do any good!

The dragon lunges forward with a growl that’s so heavy it sounds as though it’s coming from within the earth. He comes at me as if to bite me or eat me. Do dragons eat people? No time to think. I swiftly dodge to the side and go behind him and quickly climb onto his back.

He shifts and moves and I hold tightly to fin-like protrusions on his back. He tries to twist his head and neck around to be able to snap at me with his teeth but where I’m sitting and how far he can twist means I am safe for now. Not completely relaxed or comfortable, but cautiously safe! He gets frustrated and writhes more violently, his noises also getting louder.

He lets out a long and ear-blastingly loud bellow before stretching out his wings, flapping them with huge whooshing sounds and lifting himself with me off the ground.

So high up we are! I would try and touch clouds but am to scared I’ll fall down to a ground that I can’t even see. I cling tightly to his fins and neck.

After flying for some time, he comes down to land in a grassed area. The weather is completely different, a blue sky and sunshine! My husband is there waiting while we land! He doesn’t seem perturbed by the fact I am riding on a dragon, and seems to be exchanging a nod in greeting?!

I climb down and rush to where my husband is and look back to the dragon. It is no longer a dragon standing there, but my brown horse from Sanctuary in its place. I approach it and stroke it gently, taking the reins in hand.

I take my husband’s hand in the other hand and walk toward a path that leads us to a forest that I am familiar with.

To be continued? (this dragon rider can’t stay awake)

Facebook As Therapy

If you are an active member of Facebook or any other online community, you are exposed to lots of other peoples’ “stuff”. Some of those things might trigger what seems like an irrational response in you. You might get irritated, frustrated, confused, angry, offended, upset..

This triggering of feelings is actually a really easy way to be shown what to give attention to in terms of self-healing. They are just words (or pictures), or someone elses opinion. Why should they ruin your day? So they touched a nerve and got your attention and you’re feeling something you don’t want to – use it and let it go! And the cause of the trigger will be none the wiser!

So here’s how, in 8 easy steps:

0. Before doing anything else, do a round of Emotional Freedom Technique for the word “Calm”, saying the word out loud once on each tapping point shown in the video linked above. This separates the trigger from an energy stress response to a real annoyance. If you’re hardly bothered by the issue after this, it was most likely just energy stress and you can carry on with your day if you so choose, or continue below!

1. Notice when you think about or look at the trigger on Facebook, what are you feeling? Do you feel it somewhere in your body? A particular emotion? How strong is the feeling, from -10 to +10 (where -10 is strongly negative feeling and +10 is strongly positive and 0 is neutral)? Rate it.

2. Give it a label or a phrase (eg. “Joe Bloggs is giving me the shits“, “I feel a white hot rage for Jane Doe and her pathetic check-ins with our mutual friends!“, “I’m so annoyed with these thinly veiled homophobic posts“). Shorten it if you need to (eg. “annoyed!“).

3. Take that phrase and use it in a round of Emotional Freedom Technique while thinking about, or looking at the trigger. Awesome!

4. Look back at the trigger. How do you feel now? How would you rate it from -10 to +10? Has the original emotion changed at all? That’s what we’re aiming for, any evolution, even if it’s small. Maybe the rage has lessened, or the rage has changed to annoyance. It might be giving you a clue as to what the roots are to the trigger. Put what the feeling is now into words.

5. Take those words and use them in another round of Emotional Freedom Technique.

6. Look at the thing that triggered you again. What is the rating now? What is the feeling? If you’re feeling more apathetic than insulted, go for a positive statement along the lines of what the trigger (eg. “Peace”, “It’s okay for us to disagree”, “I’m happy to be me”, “We are all on our own journey”, “I believe in myself”). If you are still feeling quite negative, return to step 4 to do at least another round of tapping.

7. Take the positive words/phrase that you’ve decided on and use them in another round of Emotional Freedom Technique.

8. How do you feel when you look or think about the trigger? Does the energy or feeling of that post just flow right through you? No noticeable tension or stuckness? How’s the rating? Up the + end of the scale? At least the inverse of where you began? That’s what we’re aiming for. Congratulations for getting here!  Feels good, doesn’t it!