Scared of Being Happy

I noticed this afternoon that I felt good. That there was nothing I needed or wanted. That I was happy exactly where I was at, and with what I was doing, which was nothing exciting. Just sitting at home. I wasn’t hungry, tired, lonely, bored, cold, uncomfortable. My house wasn’t perfect – I had laundry and crumbs everywhere. My kids had been fighting. I wasn’t immaculately presented. But I was content. Happy!

…And then I got a slight panicked feeling. Feeling that this couldn’t be right. That something would probably happen soon. That I couldn’t possibly feel like this for any length of time. That someone or something was going to upend it.

Thankfully I know that this panic is only energy, so I decided to give it the boot!

My favourite approach when I use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for self-healing is to use the Aspect Model and ‘talk’ to the aspect of myself that has a problem and tap on their behalf. It is a very good way to handle problems where there is an inner argument or a clash of beliefs. In this case, there is an aspect that believes that things can’t possibly be problem-free. This aspect believes that happiness and peaceful moments are fleeting. Let’s call them the Pessimist Aspect.

Hey Pessimist Aspect. I know you’re a little concerned right now..

Yes, I’m worried. Waiting for the axe to fall. [I tap for “The aspect is waiting for the axe to fall” and “The aspect is scared of being happy”]

Why don’t you think you could just be happy.. unconditionally?

Because there’s always something! [I tap for “The aspect believes there’s always something”] I just don’t know HOW to be a happy person. I know how to be a broken person and ‘fix’ them, that’s easy. What do happy people do? How do they live? I don’t know how to be happy. [I tap for “The aspect doesn’t know how to be a happy person”]

It feels all new, hey. Exciting!

Yes, definitely. I am excited too. What if everything I ever wanted was here and now but I was too scared or stressed to enjoy it??

Do you feel like you need to have all the answers and know exactly how things will turn out? Can things just flow?

Of course they can. And no I don’t need to have all the answers. I’m looking forward to this unfolding. I’m ready to feel happy. [I tap for “The aspect is ready to be happy”]

So are you happy? Really? Without any niggles?

Yes! Feels good! [For extra buzzy light energy, I tap for “The aspect feels good being happy!”]
Do you have any aspects that freak out about happiness or living a peaceful life?

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Hard things are hard. Heart things aren’t.

I notice that I have an endless, exciting amount of ideas for projects, creations, focuses, directions… SO MANY IDEAS… yet when I actually begin to pursue one of them, I have a short burst of inspiration and then give up.. until yet again I have a flood of ideas and repeat the pattern again of getting started… aaaand giving up.

A pattern, hey? Maybe there’s something in that.

What could be going on here? Maybe an aspect knows??

Hey Giving Up Aspect, what’s going on?

Meh.

What does that mean, you got me excited about a new project and then you just give up? I don’t understand it. Let’s create something!

What’s to tell? It’s not worth trying. It’s too hard. It won’t work out as well as I see it in my head. I won’t get it right.

How do you know without giving it a go. A REAL go?

I don’t know if I could handle putting in a ton of effort and seeing it wasted if it didn’t turn out.

But maybe the process could be enjoyable, not just the outcome.

Yeah but the outcome is the fun bit.

Why?

Because you get to show people what you did and they can see how awesome you are and give glowing praise. Hmm but even then.. what if they don’t?

So what if they don’t! Who is the project for? If you really aren’t doing it for you, then don’t bother. It won’t feel real. Some people deny energy but they still know what they feel, what they like and what feels good. And if you’re doing something just for praise, then yeah maybe it won’t turn out so good either. I think it would be better for it to come from in… here.

<I gently touch the aspect’s heart centre. She smiles and touches mine back. There is a pink glow from both of us that gets gradually brighter. We are face to face, and we are connected. And on the same page.>

Let’s do it. 🙂

Using EFT For Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

What’s PMDD?

According to the Wikipedia entry for PMDD, it is defined as severe PMS leading up to the menstrual cycle as well as a few days after menstruation has begun.

The main emotional symptoms are listed as:

  • feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
  • feelings of intense tension or anxiety
  • increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
  • panic attacks
  • rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
  • lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
  • apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
  • difficulty concentrating
  • chronic fatigue
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
  • feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
  • increase or decrease in sex drive
  • increased need for emotional closeness

Sufferers may have many of these symptoms or one. This is an issue close to my heart as once a month my world would turn upside down. I felt like I was possessed by something I had no control of. It impacted on my husband and children and friends and family and relationships. It impacted on how I saw the world around me. It was a thick emotional filter that existed between myself and the rest of the world.

How Can PMDD Be Managed?

I had tried herbs and vitamins and breathing and journalling and was still plagued by this ‘demon’. I took the flower essence She Oak for many months, and although my cycle regulated and became much shorter (from ~45 days to ~30, an 11 day period to 7 days), I still had the severe PMS which I came to understand as PMDD.

I asked a wise woman for her advice on how to handle it emotionally/energetically. Her first suggestion was to de-stress energetically, step one for any emotional issue! However I was using EFT and de-stressing constantly through this emotional storm and feeling as though I was using a bucket with holes in it to bail out a sinking boat. I wasn’t getting anywhere fast!

Her second suggestion was to treat this PMDD part of me as a separate part of me. A part of me who is needing much support and assistance and exploding in rage and emotion once a month, perhaps because of unmet needs. If I gave attention to this aspect throughout the cycle, would ‘she’ no longer need to release fury once a month? It is called the Aspect Model in Energy EFT.

Using The Aspect Model for PMDD

So I decided to track my progress through one menstrual cycle to see what presented and what the PMDD Aspect was going through. (CD = Cycle Day)

CD 6
The PMDD aspect just wants a break, and is frantic to get all of the unfinished things done around the house so she doesn’t have to see them (and be overwhelmed at PMS time). I decided to paint my laundry, and gave objects a permanent ‘home’ that needed them. I also gave things we had no use for to my local op shop to declutter.

CD 9
The PMDD aspect wants to cry and has a heavy heart. I had noticed a tension and sensitivity in general on this day. My husband was frustrating me. I tapped for “needs to cry”. I reassessed the PMDD aspect and felt anger and tapped for “the aspect is angry”. Once the anger had been cleared I felt the PMDD aspect was confused and overwhelmed and tapped for this. When I asked her what it was that she needed, I felt that she was needing: a friend, love, support, and feels like she has none of it. My husband was distant emotionally and criticising things and it was hitting a nerve in the sense of not meeting any of the PMDD aspect’s needs. It made it more obvious to me that I needed to seek out what I needed in a positive way – for example, ask for a hug and initiating a conversation instead of getting annoyed and feeling unloved.

CD 17
The PMDD aspect is happy, just needs sleep.

CD 18
The PMDD aspect needs reassurance. I tapped for “the aspect is okay”. I was then given the impression (mental image) that the aspect could march in and take control of everything and get things tackled very quickly. As though it was an issue if things weren’t under control. I tapped for “the aspect doesn’t need to be in control to be safe”.

CD 20
The PMDD aspect is frustrated about mess with her childrens’ toys, so I decided to sit down with my children (and husband) to work out how to manage the toys and what would happen if they weren’t tidied, rather than the mess being my responsibility all the time and causing emotional stress. The PMDD aspect is relieved that there are now rules in place. The PMDD aspect is worried about the period being on its way in the next week or so. I tapped for “the aspect thinks she will lose her cool”.

CD 28
The PMDD aspect needs to have a cry, and focus her attention inward. I tapped for “The aspect wants to cry” and “the aspect wants to focus within”. I also had a bath and took time for myself and gave myself permission to focus on me and me alone.

CD 31
The PMDD aspect is highly annoyed at her husband. I tapped for “The aspect thinks her husband is useless”. (sorry honey – this process was well before we had worked through our issues with intimacy)

My period started the following day. I expected to feel far more out of control than I did at this stage. It was significant progress. I recognised each feeling as it arose and gave it the attention that it needed.

Life After PMDD?

It has been several cycles for me since then. I don’t consider myself to have PMDD anymore. There are emotions that surface prior to a period (which I still call PMS due to the timing of when they appear). However they are MUCH more subtle and I no longer feel out of control or possessed by them. I am aware of the emotions, not driven by them. These emotions are healing opportunities that I welcome – each cycle revealing different issues to give attention to and shift beyond. I use EFT for these issues as arise and still occasionally ask the PMS aspect what she needs. She is quietly content most of the time these days. 🙂

Giving ourselves (our aspects!) the opportunity to express what we need and want for balance and happiness is so important. The answers are there within us and just need to be given permission to come forward and be heard.

“How Come I Can’t Shake This?”

.. Was what someone asked me last night. And I got to thinking that what life might be like for that person if they no longer had their emotional issue.. inspiring this post.

If you have a chronic emotional problem, and you can clearly recognise it as an issue but struggling to move forward, you may be held back from resolving it because of a ‘pay-off’: there is *something* to do with this problem that you are getting something positive from. Even if that something is only a perceived something.

EFT is very simple and straightforward, yet often times when people are asking for help and I show them how to do EFT, there is an excuse or a reason why now is not a good time, that it will be done later. And it’s not done. Or they stop after one round and feel better in the moment but don’t follow through to resolution of their issue. Even if their belief in EFT is solid and they truly want to do it. Some even want to feel better BEFORE they use it!

What kinds of things are pay-offs then?

Some examples of pay-offs in action:

In a situation where someone is highly anxious about something bad happening to their child, letting go of the anxiousness may mean (to them) that they are welcoming that something bad. They are no longer protecting their child. Why would they choose that? So they are stuck feeling anxious. They NEED to be anxious, even if it’s causing a number of issues in their life

In a situation where someone is suffering from chronic tiredness and flatness of mood, no longer being this way may mean they will no longer be looked after, and may have more responsibility. Less allowances and leeway. If the person is lacking love and self-love, they would struggle to say goodbye to that nurturing and caring, even if it makes them unable to function completely. And yes, emotions are powerful enough to lead to physical symptoms such as tiredness. Feeling unloved in itself may be enough to cause a flatness.

If someone has had an emotional issue for most of their life, no longer having it may mean to them that they would be agreeing to their life being completely different and changed forever. Change can be scary, and the known can seem safest, even if it’s known suffering.

A person with a fear of abandonment knows they are worrying excessively when their family members go out to the shops, but the potential of losing them forever keeps them from being able to just “let go”. They believe they need to keep the fear and worry to keep their family safe.

An emotional eater knows their habits aren’t doing them any good physically, but the way the food and the eating makes them feel in the heat of the moment makes it very difficult to ‘just stop’. Stopping may mean facing a pain or a hurt and looking something square in the face. Facing things may open an emotional can of worms that the sufferer may feel is worse than the eating.

These pay-offs are very real (and therefore powerful) even if they may not make logic sense on the surface. The sufferer may also begin to see the way the pay-offs are keeping them stuck, yet not know how to get beyond it, so they have their problem as well as frustration with themselves. A true inner argument!

How can we move forward if we have a pay-off situation happening?

The sufferer may have very good support, such as psychologists, trusted general practitioners and loving friends. But until they resolve the issue within themselves, they will remain stuck due to the pay-off.

There is a part within them, an aspect of them, if you will, that doesn’t want to get better. And THAT is who we need to talk to. We need to consider that aspect as a separate person to the one who is suffering and wanting to get better and what they need. We can do that using EFT and tapping for specific aspects.

Example tapping phrases: “The aspect that believes change is bad”, “The aspect that believes they have to control things for them to be okay”, “The aspect that is scared to feel her feelings”, “The aspect that believes she is unworthy of love”. While tapping, these things may unfold into reminders of specific situations in their lives. Such as a time when there was a big change and it really DID mean something bad happened. That may have been the case once, but doesn’t mean it needs to repeat forever, remaining solid as a belief. It was an event which had an impact on their energy body – and energy can be evolved!

Feel free to tap along with me here to any of the tapping phrases above, or contact me to help you through, working specifically on your issue. EFT

Loving My Children, Completely

Yesterday I created an energy habitat for my ‘food mojo’. I was presented with a simple image of a meal of wholesome and fresh food over a family lunch with my parents. I was touched by how good this had felt. I felt looked after, loved, and cared for.

From this simple habitat I had a significant realisation, however. Those familiar with the concept of the Five Love Languages might recognise that my Quality Time and Acts of Service ‘love tanks’ were given attention by the event of this meal. I thought about my own children and how sometimes I am not even sitting with them for their meals. I am savouring their distraction and the subsequent silence and cleaning the kitchen or preparing things for their bath, or reading an email. And with my ‘food mojo’ issue and disinterest in cooking, I am neglecting both of these love languages. And the other languages are not getting a significant look-in either. I love my children, but do they feel it? Am I giving it in ways that they can feel? Are their love tanks filling from their interactions with me? Sadly, I don’t think so. I thought about other relationships too and felt a heavy sadness as well as my stress levels rising. I was failing my kids, failing as a mother and as a person going through the world where love is essentially all there is and the best part about being alive and feeling.

This was a heavy realisation, yet something I’d been aware of (to some degree) for awhile. I had brushed it aside as me ‘just not being a nurturing kind of person’. As I have recently shifted some significant stressors with EFT, I had the capacity to give this attention, where before it was just one of many things I had intended to look at more closely in the future. This is also most likely a period of PMS for me which may be why this is so clearly in my face. (I have posted my thoughts on my Facebook page here) I feel virtually forced to give this attention. Ah the joys of being an energetically sensitive woman!

Some of this may well be ‘mother’s guilt’ but decided that giving the issue attention wasn’t going to hurt anyone and may do positive things in the meantime.

So after the food mojo habitat, I made my children a meal for dinner and was conscious of putting some love and care into it (versus slapping together ingredients) and both of them rejected it and refused to eat it. And it was something they’d eaten before. I was so angry. I instantly regretted putting ‘myself’ into this meal and being so open, feeling a hurt in my heart. Which I tapped for.

I decided to use a method of EFT where you treat several somethings as an energetic entity. You can use this method for a business or any group of people, such as “the clients” or “my students” or “the train company”. The aim being to improve the energetic relationship. I visualised an entity and where this was located. I saw myself holding my two children at arm’s length, to the right hand side of my body, and knew they were trying to get to my heart. My heart was protected by a layer of bubble wrap. I tapped for the bubble wrap.

The bubble wrap is off and what remains is thick layer of cling wrap over my heart and I see that instead of being held firmly at arm’s length, my arm had relaxed and bended, allowing them closer. I tap for “A safety net” because that’s what the cling wrap feels like. A layer between them and me and keeping myself ‘safe’. While tapping for this, I feel that I am preparing myself to be more vulnerable with them. But I’m not quite there yet.

I decide to tap for “This safety net” again. The entity is in my arms now. My two children, one on either side. There is a resistance there. An awkward and stiff hug. I’m not relaxing into it. To clarify, I don’t have problems in reality hugging my children, but as an energetic representation of our connection, I have problems ‘letting them in’ and this is how it is presented in the vicinity of my energy.

Considering what I feel I am on the verge of here, I began to feel my stress levels rising. I tapped for “stress” and “calm”, and reminded myself that it’s ONLY ENERGY.

I tapped for “I let go of fear”. When I consider the entity I see that I am melting into the hug a little more now. There is still some resistance. I tap for “I allow myself to trust”. I am feeling lighter and warmth at the heart. I tap for “I love openly and without hesitation or condition”, which triggers an emotional release, but there is still *something* there, still something in the way. I feel frustrated with myself!

I tap again for “stress”. And then “Love”. There is energetic improvement here but I’m still waiting for the ‘hit’; the moment where I recognise/feel that I have touched on the right issue which will unlock everything. This is where an EFT practitioner helps, because I am too close to the issue here and can’t see the forest for the trees. A practitioner is on the outside and could make suggestions that I may not willingly come up with on my own (for a number of reasons, fear being a big one).

Saying and feeling “I am too close to the issue” reminds me of another protocol I could use here, which is the Aspect Model. Treating parts of me contributing to things as a separate person, rather than something that I had done or felt or experienced. Perfect for situations like this where I might be preventing a healing event. The aspect symbol (a triangle – as per The Genius Symbols) has been coming up frequently in habitats for me if you haven’t noticed! I feel silly for not using it already for this.

  • There is an aspect of me that feels vulnerable when she lets someone into her heart.
  • There is an aspect of me that equates vulnerability with pain.
  • There is an aspect that feels like she will lose herself if she gives herself in love.
  • There is an aspect of me that is scared of being hurt.

So I tap for these women. I tap for them and give them love and acknowledgement. I give attention to what they believe to be true without judgement or analysis. And of course it’s emotional. Of course it makes me cry. And of course it feels like a weight has been lifted from me when I am finished.

I think about loving my children and letting them in, completely and without reservation, and there doesn’t feel like there is anything in the way anymore. It doesn’t feel like it was ever something I struggled with. I go back to the entity situation and I see her embracing them so closely and so completely that they become her, absorbed within her energy. I see her energy rise and fill, a glow emanating from her heart, and pink energy flutters outward and upward from her crown, much like butterflies. That version of me has her arms open outward, a pink glow around her whole body and a golden glow from her heart.

This feels like a relief to me. I tap for “Love” again for good measure. This feels light and bubbly and tickly.

I don’t know if other aspects will present themselves but I welcome them and allow them forward and feel positive about a future where I’m not afraid to love completely.

The Woman In The Mirror

Last night I asked my energy mind to help me with a parenting situation. This is what it presented to me.

~~~~~

I see a woman and she has a beautiful turquoise colour chunky beaded necklace on around her neck. It also has a stone pendant with a triangle symbol on it. I feel my energy body move and I see this woman move in the same way and from this I understand I am looking into a mirror and this woman is actually me.

 

She looks different than I do though. She is older and her hair is cut differently and a lighter colour. Wavy, light brown. But it’s still my face. I look older, far more peaceful though. I am happy, calm, and I have a nurturing motherly way about me. I can’t explain why, I just look more motherly than I feel I do now!

I suspect I am a grandmother now and even thinking about that makes me emotional and happy and start to tear up a little! There is a twinkle in her eye and my feeling is that her grandchildren are her world. This woman is so content.

She is giving me this information without talking. It is as if she is being watched and doesn’t want to ‘talk’ to me out loud. Or maybe I just know this information.. I feel it in my heart, and know that her son is now a young man, an adult, who has studied for a significant amount of time and is in a profession that has him standing up for others.  He might be a lawyer or a social worker or something like that.

Back to the real world and at my throat now I feel pain. A big lump of sadness. In reality my son is only two and it is a challenging time for both him and I, and I want to laugh for him having a future where he argues and asserts himself for a living! Yet I want to cry for not seeing him and these traits as acceptable and loveable and wondering if something I do now is going to have a flow-on effect. A negative one. I don’t want to deter this man-to-be from seeing the world as an exciting challenge, something he can master and succeed in. I don’t want to fail him or crush his spirit.

In the mirror I SEE him come up behind me. He is taller than me. In his 30s. Dark haired, clean shaven, gentle faced, warm smile. This man is my SON? This man is my SON! Wow. He puts his hands on my shoulders and leans in and kisses my right cheek. He tells me he loves me and how I always did my best for him. [cue the real me bawling her eyes out here.. 🙂 What a moment!]

But right now he’s got to go and he says goodbye and goes out. He leaves the house we are in through the front door. It is a light and airy house with lots of windows.  He goes out to his dark coloured sedan and drives off. I am at the door watching him go. My daughter is also outside and walks up to the front door where I’m standing. She has two little boys with her that run to me ahead of her. She wants a cup of tea with me and we go inside and we sit and we do just that. Maybe I’ll see more of her future self in time.

I feel so proud of my children and the adults they have become and the lives they have made for themselves. They want to be near me and are confident and happy in themselves. The home I have is relaxing and peaceful. *This* is SO what I want for us.

Agony by the Ocean

Last month I was curious about my lower back pain and whether there was anything energetic or emotional there to give attention to.

I asked “If this lower back pain was a place in time and space where would it be?”. I instantly saw the aspect of myself doubled over in pain, on a rock platform by a rough ocean. The platform was hard, solid, wet, uncomfortable. It felt very windy and cold, and the ocean seemed unwelcoming and rough and intimidating. The aspect was in agony and crying in pain.

 

I used several rounds of EFT here (I wish I could remember what for but I didn’t write it down) and the aspect recovered from the pain and was no longer overwhelmed with it. She had also found a thick blanket and wrapped herself in it. She was feeling far more comfortable. The wind had died down also. The waves were still crashing but it wasn’t an angry surf.

The aspect also found a necklace with a triangle symbol on it which she knew intuitively would help her heart to be open. She put it on and it radiated with gold light from the necklace but also from her heart area. A friend presented in this habitat also and she had the same necklace on. (I felt it was important for her too and shared this information with her in ‘The Hard’.  I later discovered that it was the Aspect symbol that I saw – part of the Genius Symbols by Silvia Hartmann. I took the presence of this symbol to look at the various aspects/facets of the issue – so literally, all the parts contributing to my lower back pain.)

I noticed that I was looking at her necklace and feeling as though it was better than mine or there was something not good enough with mine even though they were identical. I tapped for this.

It was after that that I noticed there were dolphins in the ocean. The aspect shedded the blanket and stripped off and went for a swim. At this time the sun was shining, warm yet not burning hot, and the wind was still and the water so beautifully clear. We swam with the dolphins until they swam off and then had fun looking for shells and gold coins and things on the sandy ocean floor.

On the left of me there was a shark that had me concerned. I wasn’t sure whether it was interested in making a meal of me but I also felt strongly protected by my symbol necklace and recognised that it kept its distance.

I ended up soaking up the sun and watching the waves crash and listening to the noises of the ocean. It was very relaxing and the aspect was very happy.

I hope this gave my back some space to be able to sort itself out. I’ve since also seen my chiropractor and taken myself swimming at the local pool. I do intend to look at other aspects that might be contributing to my lower back being sore fairly regularly, such as my delightful slouchy posture. 😉