How are you when it comes to making decisions? Is it a pleasurable and easy experience? Or something that you find difficult?
We all have to make decisions in our lives, whether it is for things that impact us alone or for things that affect others. Sometimes the sheer weight of what it means to make a decision can put us off making any decision at all. Leaving us in limbo, or putting the responsibility onto someone else to do the deciding.
When we don’t make our own decisions, or we allow others to decide for us, we are no longer fully choosing our direction in life. We are allowing someone to live our lives for us (depending on the severity of the issue). We’re living in a passive way. I see it visually as a ping pong ball where other people hold the paddles and the passive person is pushed and guided in a haphazard way, compared to a bowling ball which is heading exactly where it intended from the beginning, no matter what those pins say! Which are you more like? Do you resent the bowling ball types? It’s interesting to give attention to.
Using energy techniques to help us decide
So let’s do something about it. It’s all energy, so we can shift what prevents us and let the decision making flow without any tension or ill-feeling. Let’s do something with decision making that will allow us to grab the reins and steer our life where our heart and soul knows it needs to go. Which is exactly what should drive us – our heart and our true selves. That part of us that knows what is best for us, irrespective of any ‘shoulds’ or rules or fears or worries. And it absolutely does exist, it just struggles to be heard at times over the “Yeah but”s.
I learned this interesting technique from Silvia Hartmann and have applied it to several things, both professionally and personally. It’s quite interesting to do and can reveal some things you had perhaps not recognised before.
Meet your emotions about the decision
First you have your decision that you are trying to make, or one that you have agonised over. Have that in mind as we begin this exercise.
What emotions present when you think about this? Give them a label, be aware of all of them as if they were persons that were there in your presence. “Oh look, here is fear, worry and anxiousness! Hi guys..”
One-by-one, address those emotions, as if by conversation. (I give you permission to talk to yourself!)
Fear makes itself very popular when it comes to decisions! I would guess that it would be the #1 reason behind not being able to decide. So we might say “Hi fear. What’s going on, why won’t you let me decide here?”
And fear might say “Because you’ll get it wrong, you’ll stuff it up. You’ll probably offend someone in the process and you’ll look like a real idiot. You might even ruin your life.” Let fear have a good chance to vent and explain their view. I find typing this is really helpful, but pen to paper is good too.
You: “Well that could be true. But what other choice do I have?”
Fear: “Just don’t decide. Someone else can do it. Someone else can screw up and look dumb!”
You: “But this is a decision for ME and one I need to make. I know my own feelings about this where others do not. I know what I need to do and I’m not afraid to make my choice, come what may.”
And maybe fear will have some rebuttal to that. Keep talking. Eventually fear and you will come to an agreement and maybe fear will no longer be there with you?
So now who is left? Repeat the same process with whichever other emotions appeared.
Trust that you know the right decision for you, regardless of the emotions in the way. ‘Talk’ to them to resolve any disagreements to be able to move forward with a clear head.
Use Emotional Freedom Technique if you are more comfortable
If you prefer to tap, use EFT and tap for those emotions that present and allow them to unfold. Perhaps “Fear” will evolve into something like “Don’t want to look bad”.
Please note: When I say ‘right’ decision, I don’t mean that “nothing bad will happen”. My feeling is that the process of deciding and potentially having challenges arise is an opportunity for adjustment, growth and refinement. And if it’s truly not working out for you, again YOU make the decision. We have freedom of a mind that we can change, so feel free to change your mind!
I decided to leave a job I had, even though it was well paid, I liked the people and they loved me and begged me to stay. It was difficult to make this decision with all of these positives, but I knew it was the best one for me. My heart wasn’t in it and my calling was elsewhere. With keeping the job I had very little time to devote to my true calling and I was feeling frustrated and irritated. We may have some financial teething issues or changes to make as a result, but this decision was right for me.
Making decisions doesn’t have to be difficult when you remember a few things:
- This is MY life. I’m ready to live it as my own!
- I know what is best for me, I know what I want out of life.
- It is okay for me to make mistakes or be challenged. It’s how I learn.
- It is safe for me to learn new things and open new doors.
- I am willing to tweak and adjust along the way – my decisions don’t need to be perfect.
- I am willing to accept all that this decision results in.
If any of those statements feel uncomfortable, tap for them!
Happy decision making!