Who disrespects you really?

I am a bit of a whiz at finding patterns in things. The pattern that was presenting to me was a lack of respect. There were several events with different people and parts of my life involved that were messages of disrespect that were making me feel quite angry: not respecting my wishes or requests or my value on a professional or personal level.

I went further to investigate that in an energy habitat last night.

I was alone in a wooden rowboat in the ocean. Freezing. Scared. There were holes in the side of this boat and water getting in and I couldn’t see any land at all around me. I was freaking out.

And then I got what seemed like a mental request for something (a request in my head, which sounds really strange when I put it into words but it was as if invisible people – yes in the middle of the ocean – were saying “Hey, can you help me?”), on either side of the boat. If I saw beyond the energy habitat, I could take it to represent emails or business requests or requests from my kids. And I said yes to each of them.

Sigh. Yes, okay, I’ll do it. Calming myself down, putting my issues aside. Trying to ignore the boat, ignore my own needs.

I realised in this instant that the problem is that I DON’T RESPECT ME! I don’t respect myself enough to recognise what’s going on with me and make my needs a priority.

So, I began saying no and denied these requests as they came. I focused on the boat only. I snapped off some of the crumbling wood along the top of it to make an oar and paddled and paddled, sweating and exhausted, and finally got to a beach. I got requests when I got to the beach. I still said no. I found a hammock tied to palm trees there and again said no to them before I got to lay down. I laid down, relaxed and enjoyed the sea breeze and being swayed in the hammock. And it was only THEN, after I was relaxed, recharged and rejuvenated, that I said yes.

If you’re feeling disrespected yourself, maybe make sure that YOU are not one of those who is being disrespectful to yourself. The respect has to start somewhere.

The Journey Home.. Via Donkey

Yesterday I asked my energy mind to help me with impatience and frustration I was feeling and this is what unfolded. A little on the quirky side! My take on this is that I can’t rush the journey, it happens as it’s meant to. I don’t need to know how or when things will happen, just relax and trust and I’ll have more fun that way!

 

I am sitting on a donkey in the middle of a sandy desert. The donkey is not moving and therefore neither am I. It’s really hot, the sun beating down on us. It smells weird, like urine. There are flies buzzing in my face. I’m hot, bothered and frustrated.

I kick my legs a little, digging my heels into the donkey’s sides. “YA!” I say, trying to get him to move. The donkey makes a snuffling noise but remains still.

I am getting more annoyed by the minute. I yell “COME ON! MOVE!!!! What’s wrong with you?!”. The donkey doesn’t move. I am brought to tears and I cry for awhile, feeling there is nothing else I can do. I feel like I will be stuck here forever. I slump forward with my head down on the neck of the donkey and sigh, defeated.

As I am resting there, the donkey begins to move slightly. My mood is brightened significantly and I sit up and click my tongue and the donkey continues to move forward. Very slowly, but forward! Thank goodness for that! I’m not stuck here forever!

It is two days later now and ahead we can see a palm tree. We can also see the ocean ahead and I can’t wait to get there! As we get to the palm tree, the donkey stops still in the shade of it. I’m so frustrated! I want to get to the ocean but it’s too far to walk on my own and the donkey is refusing to move. I’m feeling so angry and yell “Argh!!!”.

Deflated I lean on his back and close my eyes. With me still on his back he kneels down to rest in the shade. I don’t realise that I had slept at all but the next thing I know I feel I am moving and feel the air flowing by me, it feels fresher. I open my eyes and see we are moving forward. The donkey has stood up at some point and is moving with me laying on his back.

We must have been moving for awhile because we are very close to the shore now. And looking out over the sparkling aqua coloured water, I can see a large white speed boat. It is headed our way. I am excited to see someone else, having been in the desert for some time!

We get to the shore and I hop off the donkey and stand beside it, watching the boat. It slows and eventually comes to a stop in the shallows. The water is calm and flat. The driver is wearing all white, and could be an 80s TV show star with his cheesy appearance. I smile in greeting (because I’m giggling on the inside about Mr 80s) and I’m feeling frustrated by the journey that got me here. I’m feeling quite drained. The man has a short light brown perm, bright white teeth and a tan.

“Come aboard!” he says with a big white grin. I look from him to the donkey and back again. “Him too?” I ask. “Sure!” he says, and waves both myself and the donkey aboard. I have no idea how a donkey will get on a boat but I feel it’s not my problem anymore really. So I wade through shin deep water and hoist myself up into the boat. There are two thuds behind me, I turn around and the donkey is aboard also. He sits in the middle of the boat, like a cat might. He looks very comical doing so, with the pointy ears and funny sitting posture. I am sitting on a bench at the side of the boat.

The man says “Well alright then! Let’s go! Hold on!”, and drives the boat out to sea. The wind is whipping my hair and tousling the cat-donkey’s ears and fur and fluffing up the man’s perm. I’m glad the boat and the engine and wind are noisy because I laugh and laugh and laugh! What a spectacle!

I lean forward and yell to ask the man where we are going and he says “Home!”. I’m not sure where that is at this stage, and I keep my eyes peeled and watch the horizon.

I can see a golden pyramid slowly appear on the horizon and as we travel toward it, this rises up until we are at the base of it. It is built over the water somehow, there is an opening and the water continues downward, in a tunnel of sorts.

The man follows this tunnel down with the boat and with some twisting and turning in the dark tunnels we arrive at a dock and come to a stop. Here we can see a brightly lit white glossy door. It seems in contrast to the style of everything else, and is mesmerising. I am very much drawn to this and I climb out of the boat and walk towards the door. The man calls out “Donkey will come with me” and the boat drives onward through the tunnels.

I continue towards the door, my footsteps making very loud echoes. There are no other sounds that I can hear and I can feel my heart beating stronger. I don’t know what I’ll find but I’m nervous and excited!

I reach for the silver door handle and turn it. There is a slight creak as the door opens. Inside is a space (it’s too big to call a ‘room’!) full of greenery. There are dark green tropical plants and vines, flowers, butterflies, toucans and parrots. The noises and smells remind me of being in a rainforest. The air feels more moist and humid.

I look down to see that I am in my bathing costume and a floaty white sarong, thongs on my feet. I feel a weight drop from my shoulders. The burdens of the journey lifting. I sit down beside a tree. I can see above that there is a monkey eating one of the fruits from the tree, so I pull one down for myself to try. It is very juicy. Yellow flesh. Soft like a mango. Pale like the flesh of a ripe banana. Edible skin like an apple, yet much softer. It is good. Very nourishing and satisfying after my long journey to get here.

I lay down in the grass here, feeling relaxed and happy. I am home.

Why Can’t I Fall Asleep?

That’s what I asked myself last night. It was late and I should have been asleep ages ago but I’d been awake doing my own thing, writing for this blog actually.

So as well as being annoyed that I couldn’t now just fall asleep, I wondered why I was awake until far too late MOST nights. To my own detriment when I would find it hard to get up and go the next morning and also feel tired through the day at various times. I like being a night owl and get my creative self expressing best at that time of night, but there has to be a point where I say “enough is enough” and make some reasonable boundaries for myself.

So as I was trying to fall asleep I decided I would create an energy habitat for some insight as to this bad habit.

I asked the question of myself: Show me something that will help me to understand why I can’t fall asleep right now.

Immediately I saw myself in my mind’s eye – in a powerful speed boat! Going very fast. I was the driver. I can’t say I’ve ever driven a speed boat before but it was exhilarating. Wind blowing in my face and my hair blowing behind me. Sea spray. Sea smells. I was going really fast. Not sure where we were headed and I started to feel concerned about the speed I was going as I could crash if I wasn’t careful.

So I thought “I could just slow down”. And I did. The boat slowed down, it was still moving but much slower now and the version of me in the boat seemed more relaxed. I did too.

And the aspect of me in the boat decided to slow down even more, coming to a complete stop.

This was a great feeling and a big “Duh” moment as to why I wasn’t instantly falling asleep at the drop of a hat. Pretty obvious hey? I had been going full speed up until that point and then expected to put the brakes on. Very unrealistic.

So to get myself falling asleep earlier I’ll be needing to make sure to shift myself down a gear leading up to when I want to fall asleep – or maybe switch to a row boat..? 🙂

ps. I fell asleep straight after this too.