Loving My Children, Completely

Yesterday I created an energy habitat for my ‘food mojo’. I was presented with a simple image of a meal of wholesome and fresh food over a family lunch with my parents. I was touched by how good this had felt. I felt looked after, loved, and cared for.

From this simple habitat I had a significant realisation, however. Those familiar with the concept of the Five Love Languages might recognise that my Quality Time and Acts of Service ‘love tanks’ were given attention by the event of this meal. I thought about my own children and how sometimes I am not even sitting with them for their meals. I am savouring their distraction and the subsequent silence and cleaning the kitchen or preparing things for their bath, or reading an email. And with my ‘food mojo’ issue and disinterest in cooking, I am neglecting both of these love languages. And the other languages are not getting a significant look-in either. I love my children, but do they feel it? Am I giving it in ways that they can feel? Are their love tanks filling from their interactions with me? Sadly, I don’t think so. I thought about other relationships too and felt a heavy sadness as well as my stress levels rising. I was failing my kids, failing as a mother and as a person going through the world where love is essentially all there is and the best part about being alive and feeling.

This was a heavy realisation, yet something I’d been aware of (to some degree) for awhile. I had brushed it aside as me ‘just not being a nurturing kind of person’. As I have recently shifted some significant stressors with EFT, I had the capacity to give this attention, where before it was just one of many things I had intended to look at more closely in the future. This is also most likely a period of PMS for me which may be why this is so clearly in my face. (I have posted my thoughts on my Facebook page here) I feel virtually forced to give this attention. Ah the joys of being an energetically sensitive woman!

Some of this may well be ‘mother’s guilt’ but decided that giving the issue attention wasn’t going to hurt anyone and may do positive things in the meantime.

So after the food mojo habitat, I made my children a meal for dinner and was conscious of putting some love and care into it (versus slapping together ingredients) and both of them rejected it and refused to eat it. And it was something they’d eaten before. I was so angry. I instantly regretted putting ‘myself’ into this meal and being so open, feeling a hurt in my heart. Which I tapped for.

I decided to use a method of EFT where you treat several somethings as an energetic entity. You can use this method for a business or any group of people, such as “the clients” or “my students” or “the train company”. The aim being to improve the energetic relationship. I visualised an entity and where this was located. I saw myself holding my two children at arm’s length, to the right hand side of my body, and knew they were trying to get to my heart. My heart was protected by a layer of bubble wrap. I tapped for the bubble wrap.

The bubble wrap is off and what remains is thick layer of cling wrap over my heart and I see that instead of being held firmly at arm’s length, my arm had relaxed and bended, allowing them closer. I tap for “A safety net” because that’s what the cling wrap feels like. A layer between them and me and keeping myself ‘safe’. While tapping for this, I feel that I am preparing myself to be more vulnerable with them. But I’m not quite there yet.

I decide to tap for “This safety net” again. The entity is in my arms now. My two children, one on either side. There is a resistance there. An awkward and stiff hug. I’m not relaxing into it. To clarify, I don’t have problems in reality hugging my children, but as an energetic representation of our connection, I have problems ‘letting them in’ and this is how it is presented in the vicinity of my energy.

Considering what I feel I am on the verge of here, I began to feel my stress levels rising. I tapped for “stress” and “calm”, and reminded myself that it’s ONLY ENERGY.

I tapped for “I let go of fear”. When I consider the entity I see that I am melting into the hug a little more now. There is still some resistance. I tap for “I allow myself to trust”. I am feeling lighter and warmth at the heart. I tap for “I love openly and without hesitation or condition”, which triggers an emotional release, but there is still *something* there, still something in the way. I feel frustrated with myself!

I tap again for “stress”. And then “Love”. There is energetic improvement here but I’m still waiting for the ‘hit’; the moment where I recognise/feel that I have touched on the right issue which will unlock everything. This is where an EFT practitioner helps, because I am too close to the issue here and can’t see the forest for the trees. A practitioner is on the outside and could make suggestions that I may not willingly come up with on my own (for a number of reasons, fear being a big one).

Saying and feeling “I am too close to the issue” reminds me of another protocol I could use here, which is the Aspect Model. Treating parts of me contributing to things as a separate person, rather than something that I had done or felt or experienced. Perfect for situations like this where I might be preventing a healing event. The aspect symbol (a triangle – as per The Genius Symbols) has been coming up frequently in habitats for me if you haven’t noticed! I feel silly for not using it already for this.

  • There is an aspect of me that feels vulnerable when she lets someone into her heart.
  • There is an aspect of me that equates vulnerability with pain.
  • There is an aspect that feels like she will lose herself if she gives herself in love.
  • There is an aspect of me that is scared of being hurt.

So I tap for these women. I tap for them and give them love and acknowledgement. I give attention to what they believe to be true without judgement or analysis. And of course it’s emotional. Of course it makes me cry. And of course it feels like a weight has been lifted from me when I am finished.

I think about loving my children and letting them in, completely and without reservation, and there doesn’t feel like there is anything in the way anymore. It doesn’t feel like it was ever something I struggled with. I go back to the entity situation and I see her embracing them so closely and so completely that they become her, absorbed within her energy. I see her energy rise and fill, a glow emanating from her heart, and pink energy flutters outward and upward from her crown, much like butterflies. That version of me has her arms open outward, a pink glow around her whole body and a golden glow from her heart.

This feels like a relief to me. I tap for “Love” again for good measure. This feels light and bubbly and tickly.

I don’t know if other aspects will present themselves but I welcome them and allow them forward and feel positive about a future where I’m not afraid to love completely.

A Walk Along The Beach

This was created with de-stressing and grounding in mind. I hope it helps you if you’re needing it. 🙂

~~~

 I am standing on the top of a sand dune looking out to sea. It is overcast and I wonder if it might rain soon. The afternoon sun isn’t revealing herself from behind the clouds. I wrap a woollen blanket around me tighter. The wind is cold and on my face it stings a little.

The ocean seems rough, the waves are crashing down angrily onto the sand. The sound it makes is annoying me. A persistent nagging reminder of how things move forward on and on, regardless of anything.

I walk down the dune to be closer to the water. I can taste the salt in the air. The blanket is so comforting around my shoulders and I pull it closer around my neck. It feels like a warm hug. As I’m getting closer to the water the sand gets heavier and wetter around my bare feet. I am as close to the water as I want to go now and stand watching my feet as they start to slowly sink and shift in the wet sand.

A wave comes up and crashes, leaving a foamy aftermath which slides up the beach and tickles the tips of my toes. I am surprised by how nice the water feels. It’s not cold at all. I can’t help but laugh.

It happens again and I am softened and warmed by this cheeky act performed by something greater than I. I want to play a game with this foam and try and sneak my toes away at the last minute. But the sand is too dense and my toes get wet and again I laugh and a grin is now firmly on my face. The woollen blanket is looser around my shoulders now, I feel warmer having danced this little dance with the ocean foam. I flick some water up with my big toe towards the ocean as if to taunt it.

Out of the corner of my eye I see a shell which is higher up the water line and on drier sand and a little further up the beach. I walk towards it to have a closer look. It is a pearly pink and white coloured conical shell. I am crouched over it and behind me it seems the clouds have moved out of the way because the shell’s surface catches the sun and it sparkles in the light. I decide to pick it up. The sand around it sticks to my hands. It is in the palm of my left hand, sitting still and sparkling. I want to laugh at myself for being so child-like about this. It’s JUST a shell. The bubbles of a laugh are tickling my throat from the inside.

Suddenly the shell tilts and I feel something move on my palm. I gasp and in my surprise I drop the shell to the ground. Feeling apologetic to the shell and whatever is inside it, I instantly crouch down to look at where it lay.

The shell lifts and from underneath it a tiny mouse figure appears. He is standing upright and is wearing a vest and pants. I am so surprised by this that I laugh out loud. Having moved out from under the shell completely, this mouse is now standing, hands on hips, looking at me, frowning. He looks really annoyed.

I put one hand over my mouth to try and stop my laughter. Once I’m slightly more composed I clear my throat and say “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you”.

The mouse nods sharply, acknowledging sternly that he was in fact disturbed, no doubt. He turns his back on me, goes back under and inside the shell, and just like that he is gone.

I laugh to myself, shake my head in disbelief and after a moment of wondering whether to disturb the mouse again or not, I turn on my heel and continue on down the beach a smile on my face.