I am a bit of a whiz at finding patterns in things. The pattern that was presenting to me was a lack of respect. There were several events with different people and parts of my life involved that were messages of disrespect that were making me feel quite angry: not respecting my wishes or requests or my value on a professional or personal level.
I went further to investigate that in an energy habitat last night.
I was alone in a wooden rowboat in the ocean. Freezing. Scared. There were holes in the side of this boat and water getting in and I couldn’t see any land at all around me. I was freaking out.
And then I got what seemed like a mental request for something (a request in my head, which sounds really strange when I put it into words but it was as if invisible people – yes in the middle of the ocean – were saying “Hey, can you help me?”), on either side of the boat. If I saw beyond the energy habitat, I could take it to represent emails or business requests or requests from my kids. And I said yes to each of them.
Sigh. Yes, okay, I’ll do it. Calming myself down, putting my issues aside. Trying to ignore the boat, ignore my own needs.
I realised in this instant that the problem is that I DON’T RESPECT ME! I don’t respect myself enough to recognise what’s going on with me and make my needs a priority.
So, I began saying no and denied these requests as they came. I focused on the boat only. I snapped off some of the crumbling wood along the top of it to make an oar and paddled and paddled, sweating and exhausted, and finally got to a beach. I got requests when I got to the beach. I still said no. I found a hammock tied to palm trees there and again said no to them before I got to lay down. I laid down, relaxed and enjoyed the sea breeze and being swayed in the hammock. And it was only THEN, after I was relaxed, recharged and rejuvenated, that I said yes.
If you’re feeling disrespected yourself, maybe make sure that YOU are not one of those who is being disrespectful to yourself. The respect has to start somewhere.