Can’t make a decision?

How are you when it comes to making decisions? Is it a pleasurable and easy experience? Or something that you find difficult?

Decisions decisions..

We all have to make decisions in our lives, whether it is for things that impact us alone or for things that affect others. Sometimes the sheer weight of what it means to make a decision can put us off making any decision at all. Leaving us in limbo, or putting the responsibility onto someone else to do the deciding.

When we don’t make our own decisions, or we allow others to decide for us, we are no longer fully choosing our direction in life. We are allowing someone to live our lives for us (depending on the severity of the issue). We’re living in a passive way. I see it visually as a ping pong ball where other people hold the paddles and the passive person is pushed and guided in a haphazard way, compared to a bowling ball which is heading exactly where it intended from the beginning, no matter what those pins say! Which are you more like? Do you resent the bowling ball types? It’s interesting to give attention to.

Using energy techniques to help us decide

So let’s do something about it. It’s all energy, so we can shift what prevents us and let the decision making flow without any tension or ill-feeling. Let’s do something with decision making that will allow us to grab the reins and steer our life where our heart and soul knows it needs to go. Which is exactly what should drive us – our heart and our true selves. That part of us that knows what is best for us, irrespective of any ‘shoulds’ or rules or fears or worries. And it absolutely does exist, it just struggles to be heard at times over the “Yeah but”s.

I learned this interesting technique from Silvia Hartmann and have applied it to several things, both professionally and personally. It’s quite interesting to do and can reveal some things you had perhaps not recognised before.

Meet your emotions about the decision

First you have your decision that you are trying to make, or one that you have agonised over. Have that in mind as we begin this exercise.

What emotions present when you think about this? Give them a label, be aware of all of them as if they were persons that were there in your presence. “Oh look, here is fear, worry and anxiousness! Hi guys..”

One-by-one, address those emotions, as if by conversation. (I give you permission to talk to yourself!)

Fear makes itself very popular when it comes to decisions! I would guess that it would be the #1 reason behind not being able to decide. So we might say “Hi fear. What’s going on, why won’t you let me decide here?”

And fear might say “Because you’ll get it wrong, you’ll stuff it up. You’ll probably offend someone in the process and you’ll look like a real idiot. You might even ruin your life.” Let fear have a good chance to vent and explain their view. I find typing this is really helpful, but pen to paper is good too.

You: “Well that could be true. But what other choice do I have?”

Fear: “Just don’t decide. Someone else can do it. Someone else can screw up and look dumb!”

You: “But this is a decision for ME and one I need to make. I know my own feelings about this where others do not. I know what I need to do and I’m not afraid to make my choice, come what may.”

And maybe fear will have some rebuttal to that. Keep talking. Eventually fear and you will come to an agreement and maybe fear will no longer be there with you?

So now who is left? Repeat the same process with whichever other emotions appeared.

Trust that you know the right decision for you, regardless of the emotions in the way. ‘Talk’ to them to resolve any disagreements to be able to move forward with a clear head.

Use Emotional Freedom Technique if you are more comfortable

If you prefer to tap, use EFT and tap for those emotions that present and allow them to unfold. Perhaps “Fear” will evolve into something like “Don’t want to look bad”.

Please note: When I say ‘right’ decision, I don’t mean that “nothing bad will happen”. My feeling is that the process of deciding and potentially having challenges arise is an opportunity for adjustment, growth and refinement. And if it’s truly not working out for you, again YOU make the decision. We have freedom of a mind that we can change, so feel free to change your mind!

My decision

I decided to leave a job I had, even though it was well paid, I liked the people and they loved me and begged me to stay. It was difficult to make this decision with all of these positives, but I knew it was the best one for me. My heart wasn’t in it and my calling was elsewhere. With keeping the job I had very little time to devote to my true calling and I was feeling frustrated and irritated. We may have some financial teething issues or changes to make as a result, but this decision was right for me.

Making decisions doesn’t have to be difficult when you remember a few things:

  • This is MY life. I’m ready to live it as my own!
  • I know what is best for me, I know what I want out of life.
  • It is okay for me to make mistakes or be challenged. It’s how I learn.
  • It is safe for me to learn new things and open new doors.
  • I am willing to tweak and adjust along the way – my decisions don’t need to be perfect.
  • I am willing to accept all that this decision results in.

If any of those statements feel uncomfortable, tap for them!

Happy decision making!

Manifesting gold medals.. or not?

So I’ll let you in on a secret.. I’m not interested in the Olympic Games. I haven’t watched more than 5 minutes of it and I’m not setting alarms and waking early for the events that I’m interested in. Because I’m just not interested in it.

My interest WAS captured however, by a news article about an Australian swimmer, Emily Seebohm, and her quest for a gold medal. The article wrote how she was drawn into Twitter and Facebook comments about her upcoming success and felt that it detracted from her performance.

So my understanding about manifesting and achieving goals is that when you get to a point where you believe that you already have what you’re aiming for, then it manifests.

I read this: “I guess when you swim that fast in the heat, then people put pressure and more pressure on you, saying, ‘Oh, you’re going to get the gold.’. Maybe I just started believing that and just thought I’d already won by the time I had swum and I hadn’t even swum yet.” …and I wondered how that fit into the theory of manifesting.

She believed she’d won, before she’d swum, yet didn’t win. Hmmmm.

What also drew my attention was: “I had never been this nervous but at the Olympics you’re going to be as nervous as you are ever going to be.

Okay, I’m not in her shoes (and probably never will be!), but I don’t think that someone who truly  believes they have won a gold medal would be nervous. Maybe nervous excitement? But if they really truly felt that it was ‘in the bag’, what’s to be nervous about?

And if you go back to that first paragraph, read the words “pressure and more pressure”.

She didn’t believe she had already won. She believed that other people believed she’d already won. She felt their pressure of expectations upon her and perhaps that she couldn’t match up. It is understandable.

Another quote: “I have no idea [what went wrong]. I know that I was super nervous today, so nervous I couldn’t even eat, so I’m sure that had something to do with it. That’s no excuse. I went in there and raced it and didn’t come out on top.

She was so nervous, paralysed with nerves. More nervous than usual. She couldn’t even eat. That sounds like fear. Fear of not being able to do it. Of letting down her country and supporters. Of not performing.

So what did she manifest? A silver medal. Which is admirable and an amazing accomplishment, but from an energy perspective, I do have to wonder if the Olympic team used EFT and tapped for “fear” and reversals associated with meeting the expectations of the public and their selves, how things might change?

Breaking the Sleep Curse

I’ve decided that my household might be cursed in terms of sleep. My 2 year old son doesn’t seem to sleep at all, preferring to busy himself with his toy cars and books even sometimes in the middle of the night, then waking up early the following day, with boundless energy. My 4 year old daughter delays sleep and comes up with excuses not to go to bed and then the following day tries to sleep in and complains of being tired. I am just like my daughter. My husband is just like our son. Or maybe the other way around! I have looked at my own sleep from a few different angles but the problem persists. So let’s try and break the sleep curse, energy style.

I am faced with a dragon. It is at least four or five times my height, it is huge! Green-tinged, and angry, swishing its tail and gnashing sharp teeth.

I’m standing on unstable ground, rocks that shift and move and crumble underfoot.

The sky is dark, grey clouds, red-tinged sky.

I am scared, wondering what I’m meant to do here and suspect I’m about to be eaten. I have a sword and thin armour but not much else that would do any good!

The dragon lunges forward with a growl that’s so heavy it sounds as though it’s coming from within the earth. He comes at me as if to bite me or eat me. Do dragons eat people? No time to think. I swiftly dodge to the side and go behind him and quickly climb onto his back.

He shifts and moves and I hold tightly to fin-like protrusions on his back. He tries to twist his head and neck around to be able to snap at me with his teeth but where I’m sitting and how far he can twist means I am safe for now. Not completely relaxed or comfortable, but cautiously safe! He gets frustrated and writhes more violently, his noises also getting louder.

He lets out a long and ear-blastingly loud bellow before stretching out his wings, flapping them with huge whooshing sounds and lifting himself with me off the ground.

So high up we are! I would try and touch clouds but am to scared I’ll fall down to a ground that I can’t even see. I cling tightly to his fins and neck.

After flying for some time, he comes down to land in a grassed area. The weather is completely different, a blue sky and sunshine! My husband is there waiting while we land! He doesn’t seem perturbed by the fact I am riding on a dragon, and seems to be exchanging a nod in greeting?!

I climb down and rush to where my husband is and look back to the dragon. It is no longer a dragon standing there, but my brown horse from Sanctuary in its place. I approach it and stroke it gently, taking the reins in hand.

I take my husband’s hand in the other hand and walk toward a path that leads us to a forest that I am familiar with.

To be continued? (this dragon rider can’t stay awake)

Scared of Being Happy

I noticed this afternoon that I felt good. That there was nothing I needed or wanted. That I was happy exactly where I was at, and with what I was doing, which was nothing exciting. Just sitting at home. I wasn’t hungry, tired, lonely, bored, cold, uncomfortable. My house wasn’t perfect – I had laundry and crumbs everywhere. My kids had been fighting. I wasn’t immaculately presented. But I was content. Happy!

…And then I got a slight panicked feeling. Feeling that this couldn’t be right. That something would probably happen soon. That I couldn’t possibly feel like this for any length of time. That someone or something was going to upend it.

Thankfully I know that this panic is only energy, so I decided to give it the boot!

My favourite approach when I use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for self-healing is to use the Aspect Model and ‘talk’ to the aspect of myself that has a problem and tap on their behalf. It is a very good way to handle problems where there is an inner argument or a clash of beliefs. In this case, there is an aspect that believes that things can’t possibly be problem-free. This aspect believes that happiness and peaceful moments are fleeting. Let’s call them the Pessimist Aspect.

Hey Pessimist Aspect. I know you’re a little concerned right now..

Yes, I’m worried. Waiting for the axe to fall. [I tap for “The aspect is waiting for the axe to fall” and “The aspect is scared of being happy”]

Why don’t you think you could just be happy.. unconditionally?

Because there’s always something! [I tap for “The aspect believes there’s always something”] I just don’t know HOW to be a happy person. I know how to be a broken person and ‘fix’ them, that’s easy. What do happy people do? How do they live? I don’t know how to be happy. [I tap for “The aspect doesn’t know how to be a happy person”]

It feels all new, hey. Exciting!

Yes, definitely. I am excited too. What if everything I ever wanted was here and now but I was too scared or stressed to enjoy it??

Do you feel like you need to have all the answers and know exactly how things will turn out? Can things just flow?

Of course they can. And no I don’t need to have all the answers. I’m looking forward to this unfolding. I’m ready to feel happy. [I tap for “The aspect is ready to be happy”]

So are you happy? Really? Without any niggles?

Yes! Feels good! [For extra buzzy light energy, I tap for “The aspect feels good being happy!”]
Do you have any aspects that freak out about happiness or living a peaceful life?

Fear and the F-word: Failure

Fear of failure is a biggie. Big enough to put us off trying at all in the first place. Big enough to have us feeling flat and depressed-like if we believe we in fact have already failed. Big enough to put us off doing anything which challenges us. Big enough to paralyse us in our tracks.

It sounds like:

“But what if something goes wrong?”
“I’ll mess it up, I usually do”
“I’m not good enough at this”
“I’m not ready”
“I can’t do this”
“I’ll never live this down”
“I never get it right”
and things like “What’s the point?! I’ll just embarrass myself”

I’ve noticed I’ve felt it even when I was in the process of succeeding. And realised I was inadvertently searching for ways to prove that I was actually failing instead of enjoying the moment. Ironic hey?! Why do we do this to ourselves? If things stuffed up, would it be that big of a deal? Is it realistic to do everything flawlessly ALL THE TIME? Mistakes and failings are part of the process of learning, and how we recognise what not to do, or what we want to do differently next time. And there would be very few situations that we truly cannot try again. It’s clear that it’s a waste of time and energy to worry over getting something wrong without it having actually happened.

What if we had a tool that could help us with this? A tool that was virtually free, easy to use, and the process was quick and painless. A tool that could help us understand ourselves in the process. Oh that’s right, we do! The tool is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

It goes like this:

  1. Think of how badly you’re failing at something, or likely to fail at something in the future, or will fail if you try it (“so why bother”), or failed a gazillion years ago and are still kicking yourself for it.
  2. How does it make you feel? Get it in your mind and make it really clear, exaggerate the feeling if you need to so it’s crystal clear. Enact the failure in your mind if you like, including associated parties or disaster fallout evidence.
  3. If you had to rate the intensity of this feeling from -10 (intensely strong negative feeling) to +10 (intensely strong positive feeling), where 0 is neutral – what would it be? Get a number in mind or write it down.
  4. Take three deep breaths with your hands in the centre of your chest. (ps. it won’t work if you just sit back and read..) We’re now going to improve the flow of energy in relation to this failing.
  5. Tap the top of your head gently with your pointer finger. In the meantime take a deep breath and say “This failure”, “I’m a failure”, or anything else that captures how you feel (“I suck” is fine).
  6. Tap the middle of your forehead gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  7. Tap the inner edge of one eyebrow gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  8. Tap the outer side of one eye gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  9. Tap underneath one eye gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  10. Tap underneath your nose gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  11. Tap underneath your mouth gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  12. Tap your collarbone (the angle where the collarbone meets the breastbone) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  13. Tap the side of your thumbnail (where the nailbed ends) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  14. Tap the side of your pointer finger gently with your OTHER pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  15. Tap the middle finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  16. Tap the ring finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  17. Tap the pinky finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  18. Tap the karate chop point (the fleshy side of the hand which would strike something in a karate chop action) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  19. Return your hands back to the centre of your chest and take three deep breaths, and a sip of water.That’s it, that is our tool and all of the actions that we need to know. Easy, right? We’re not completely done though. We have taken step one to attempt to evolve our feeling.

Now think about the failure. What’s it feel like now? Did you notice anything change through the process of the tapping about your issue? If you consider the strength of the feeling, where would it be now, from -10 to +10? Has it evolved?

Also consider if anything came to mind, such as a specific event or memory. Here might be clues relating to what has lead to the fear, or even examples of why the fear is less significant than it seems.

If you rate the issue between -10 and 0:

  • Repeat the above sequence of 19 steps, tapping for that failure, using your own descriptive phrase. If the feeling has changed, by all means change the phrasing to suit, or continue tapping for “this failure” with it in mind.
  • Reassess once finished. Has the feeling evolved, does it feel different, has the rating changed? If you are feeling neutral about the issue, follow the instructions below. If still negative, repeat again.

If you rate the issue between 0 and +10:

  • Repeat the above sequence of 19 steps
  • Tapping for that failure, using a positive phrase. How do you want to feel about that thing you originally felt you were failing with? Choose a phrase or word that makes you feel good. “Successful!”, “I’m awesome!”, “Effortlessly brilliant!”, “I can do this!” are some examples.
  • Reassess – How do you feel? How far up the scale can you go? You can do as many rounds as you like.

I hope that you followed through your feeling to the positive end of the scale, and are left feeling fantastically brilliant compared to how you began. Any evolution of your original feeling is a very GOOD thing, and the aim of EFT. If you are stuck at all, please contact me or any certified EFT practitioner in your area.

What might it feel like to not be afraid of failure? To embrace an experience for what it is, in the moment, not the outcome. To be open to seeing your successes without a cloud of fear in the way. Sounds pretty good to me.

Being Scared Of The Dark

I’ll admit it, I have long been afraid of the dark.

I have a memory of my Dad taking me outside late one night when I was a child, and by the street lights he stood there on the driveway with me and said “See, everything is the same as during the day, there’s just no light.”  Which is completely true and there’s no logical reason to be scared of the change from light to darkness, yet it persisted. I liked to hide my head under the blankets for ‘safety’.

Even in my 30s I liked to have my bedside lamp on before I could turn the lounge room light off. Heaven forbid something eat me alive on that treacherous 5 metre walk of darkness to the bed. That axe murderer or rapist having patiently waited for hours in my walk-in-robe or ducked down behind the couch, waiting for the cover of darkness to leap out at me.

Silly yes, but the fear was real, irrational or not.

I managed to work around this fear throughout my life, using light from my phone or laptop as a ‘torch’ or protective beam, sticking closely by others in darkness-related social events (not vampirism, night clubbing!), until the ripe old age of 33…

I had worked a long day at work and had an hour train commute ahead of me to get home, and I still had to get to the train station to begin that commute. And I was very keen to get home!

Daylight savings had just finished and without thinking I headed to the train station from the office on my 20 minute walk. But HOLY SHIT, as I stepped out of the office, I noticed that it was pitch black and and really really dark and I really didn’t want to do this! I practically whimpered. I had no one that lived nearby that I could pester for a lift and no other way to get home. My co-worker finished hours later than me. I was stuck. It was so dark that my mobile phone torch/’laser beam’ was useless. And anyway would that not draw attention to me from the cockroach-like crims that come out at night? I just had to walk it. One step at a time!

That 20 minute walk took FOREVER. I was breathing shallowly and frantically calling my husband so I would be speaking to someone before I got stabbed in a freak gang attack or pushed into the river by a druglord. He didn’t answer! I gasped inwardly every time I saw a shadow on the path with me, breathing sighs of relief when it was just a fellow commuter going about their business or someone walking their dog or jogging (YES, SAME AS DAYTIME, YOU IDIOT!). I could have kissed the train station attendant when I finally got there! It was good to be alive!

SO after this ordeal I decided it was time for me to own this and resolve it.

The next shift that I worked, I was ready for home time and the trek in the dark! I took some deep breaths before stepping out into the darkness.

I recognised that I could really use the darkness to my advantage and tap (using Emotional Freedom Technique of course) pretty much constantly on the walk.

I began tapping for “Calm” and just tried to relax myself because my imagination would run riot the more I got stressed! I then tapped for whatever came to mind, or rather, came to feeling. Things like “Scared shitless!”, “Worried I’ll get hurt”, “Vulnerable”, “Unsafe”. And I was doing it, I was walking that walk in the dark. I wasn’t feeling completely fearless, but I was doing it and breathing easier and not fearing for my safety quite so much.

And then a massive freight train went by on my right with its many many carriages holding shipping containers. KER CHUNCK KER CHUNK KER CHUNK KER CHUNK! was the noise it made.  “Wow that was loud.. so loud that it might muffle noises of someone yelling.. No one would hear them if they were being attacked..”. And as I was thinking this and looking at this freight train while walking, a generator rumbled loudly to life on my left. I practically jumped. “What the f*ck was that!!!!”. If you can imagine what it feels like to scream on the inside, that’s what I was doing!

It was pure heightened emotion that I could absolutely use with EFT! (the stronger the emotion the better!) So I kept tapping away while freaking out. And a block later I was laughing. 🙂

You’ll be pleased to know that I still do that walk to the train station in the dark and I am no longer afraid. There is a peacefulness and settledness I’ve noticed in the darkness that the daytime doesn’t seem to have. I do still keep myself aware of what’s going on around me while I’m walking, as one should do on a city street in the darkness, but there is no longer an all consuming fear. I don’t think twice about needing a light to get to the bedroom and the ‘phone torch’ is only to stop me tripping over things.

Any other scaredy cats out there? Try EFT!

“How Come I Can’t Shake This?”

.. Was what someone asked me last night. And I got to thinking that what life might be like for that person if they no longer had their emotional issue.. inspiring this post.

If you have a chronic emotional problem, and you can clearly recognise it as an issue but struggling to move forward, you may be held back from resolving it because of a ‘pay-off’: there is *something* to do with this problem that you are getting something positive from. Even if that something is only a perceived something.

EFT is very simple and straightforward, yet often times when people are asking for help and I show them how to do EFT, there is an excuse or a reason why now is not a good time, that it will be done later. And it’s not done. Or they stop after one round and feel better in the moment but don’t follow through to resolution of their issue. Even if their belief in EFT is solid and they truly want to do it. Some even want to feel better BEFORE they use it!

What kinds of things are pay-offs then?

Some examples of pay-offs in action:

In a situation where someone is highly anxious about something bad happening to their child, letting go of the anxiousness may mean (to them) that they are welcoming that something bad. They are no longer protecting their child. Why would they choose that? So they are stuck feeling anxious. They NEED to be anxious, even if it’s causing a number of issues in their life

In a situation where someone is suffering from chronic tiredness and flatness of mood, no longer being this way may mean they will no longer be looked after, and may have more responsibility. Less allowances and leeway. If the person is lacking love and self-love, they would struggle to say goodbye to that nurturing and caring, even if it makes them unable to function completely. And yes, emotions are powerful enough to lead to physical symptoms such as tiredness. Feeling unloved in itself may be enough to cause a flatness.

If someone has had an emotional issue for most of their life, no longer having it may mean to them that they would be agreeing to their life being completely different and changed forever. Change can be scary, and the known can seem safest, even if it’s known suffering.

A person with a fear of abandonment knows they are worrying excessively when their family members go out to the shops, but the potential of losing them forever keeps them from being able to just “let go”. They believe they need to keep the fear and worry to keep their family safe.

An emotional eater knows their habits aren’t doing them any good physically, but the way the food and the eating makes them feel in the heat of the moment makes it very difficult to ‘just stop’. Stopping may mean facing a pain or a hurt and looking something square in the face. Facing things may open an emotional can of worms that the sufferer may feel is worse than the eating.

These pay-offs are very real (and therefore powerful) even if they may not make logic sense on the surface. The sufferer may also begin to see the way the pay-offs are keeping them stuck, yet not know how to get beyond it, so they have their problem as well as frustration with themselves. A true inner argument!

How can we move forward if we have a pay-off situation happening?

The sufferer may have very good support, such as psychologists, trusted general practitioners and loving friends. But until they resolve the issue within themselves, they will remain stuck due to the pay-off.

There is a part within them, an aspect of them, if you will, that doesn’t want to get better. And THAT is who we need to talk to. We need to consider that aspect as a separate person to the one who is suffering and wanting to get better and what they need. We can do that using EFT and tapping for specific aspects.

Example tapping phrases: “The aspect that believes change is bad”, “The aspect that believes they have to control things for them to be okay”, “The aspect that is scared to feel her feelings”, “The aspect that believes she is unworthy of love”. While tapping, these things may unfold into reminders of specific situations in their lives. Such as a time when there was a big change and it really DID mean something bad happened. That may have been the case once, but doesn’t mean it needs to repeat forever, remaining solid as a belief. It was an event which had an impact on their energy body – and energy can be evolved!

Feel free to tap along with me here to any of the tapping phrases above, or contact me to help you through, working specifically on your issue. EFT

Loving My Children, Completely

Yesterday I created an energy habitat for my ‘food mojo’. I was presented with a simple image of a meal of wholesome and fresh food over a family lunch with my parents. I was touched by how good this had felt. I felt looked after, loved, and cared for.

From this simple habitat I had a significant realisation, however. Those familiar with the concept of the Five Love Languages might recognise that my Quality Time and Acts of Service ‘love tanks’ were given attention by the event of this meal. I thought about my own children and how sometimes I am not even sitting with them for their meals. I am savouring their distraction and the subsequent silence and cleaning the kitchen or preparing things for their bath, or reading an email. And with my ‘food mojo’ issue and disinterest in cooking, I am neglecting both of these love languages. And the other languages are not getting a significant look-in either. I love my children, but do they feel it? Am I giving it in ways that they can feel? Are their love tanks filling from their interactions with me? Sadly, I don’t think so. I thought about other relationships too and felt a heavy sadness as well as my stress levels rising. I was failing my kids, failing as a mother and as a person going through the world where love is essentially all there is and the best part about being alive and feeling.

This was a heavy realisation, yet something I’d been aware of (to some degree) for awhile. I had brushed it aside as me ‘just not being a nurturing kind of person’. As I have recently shifted some significant stressors with EFT, I had the capacity to give this attention, where before it was just one of many things I had intended to look at more closely in the future. This is also most likely a period of PMS for me which may be why this is so clearly in my face. (I have posted my thoughts on my Facebook page here) I feel virtually forced to give this attention. Ah the joys of being an energetically sensitive woman!

Some of this may well be ‘mother’s guilt’ but decided that giving the issue attention wasn’t going to hurt anyone and may do positive things in the meantime.

So after the food mojo habitat, I made my children a meal for dinner and was conscious of putting some love and care into it (versus slapping together ingredients) and both of them rejected it and refused to eat it. And it was something they’d eaten before. I was so angry. I instantly regretted putting ‘myself’ into this meal and being so open, feeling a hurt in my heart. Which I tapped for.

I decided to use a method of EFT where you treat several somethings as an energetic entity. You can use this method for a business or any group of people, such as “the clients” or “my students” or “the train company”. The aim being to improve the energetic relationship. I visualised an entity and where this was located. I saw myself holding my two children at arm’s length, to the right hand side of my body, and knew they were trying to get to my heart. My heart was protected by a layer of bubble wrap. I tapped for the bubble wrap.

The bubble wrap is off and what remains is thick layer of cling wrap over my heart and I see that instead of being held firmly at arm’s length, my arm had relaxed and bended, allowing them closer. I tap for “A safety net” because that’s what the cling wrap feels like. A layer between them and me and keeping myself ‘safe’. While tapping for this, I feel that I am preparing myself to be more vulnerable with them. But I’m not quite there yet.

I decide to tap for “This safety net” again. The entity is in my arms now. My two children, one on either side. There is a resistance there. An awkward and stiff hug. I’m not relaxing into it. To clarify, I don’t have problems in reality hugging my children, but as an energetic representation of our connection, I have problems ‘letting them in’ and this is how it is presented in the vicinity of my energy.

Considering what I feel I am on the verge of here, I began to feel my stress levels rising. I tapped for “stress” and “calm”, and reminded myself that it’s ONLY ENERGY.

I tapped for “I let go of fear”. When I consider the entity I see that I am melting into the hug a little more now. There is still some resistance. I tap for “I allow myself to trust”. I am feeling lighter and warmth at the heart. I tap for “I love openly and without hesitation or condition”, which triggers an emotional release, but there is still *something* there, still something in the way. I feel frustrated with myself!

I tap again for “stress”. And then “Love”. There is energetic improvement here but I’m still waiting for the ‘hit’; the moment where I recognise/feel that I have touched on the right issue which will unlock everything. This is where an EFT practitioner helps, because I am too close to the issue here and can’t see the forest for the trees. A practitioner is on the outside and could make suggestions that I may not willingly come up with on my own (for a number of reasons, fear being a big one).

Saying and feeling “I am too close to the issue” reminds me of another protocol I could use here, which is the Aspect Model. Treating parts of me contributing to things as a separate person, rather than something that I had done or felt or experienced. Perfect for situations like this where I might be preventing a healing event. The aspect symbol (a triangle – as per The Genius Symbols) has been coming up frequently in habitats for me if you haven’t noticed! I feel silly for not using it already for this.

  • There is an aspect of me that feels vulnerable when she lets someone into her heart.
  • There is an aspect of me that equates vulnerability with pain.
  • There is an aspect that feels like she will lose herself if she gives herself in love.
  • There is an aspect of me that is scared of being hurt.

So I tap for these women. I tap for them and give them love and acknowledgement. I give attention to what they believe to be true without judgement or analysis. And of course it’s emotional. Of course it makes me cry. And of course it feels like a weight has been lifted from me when I am finished.

I think about loving my children and letting them in, completely and without reservation, and there doesn’t feel like there is anything in the way anymore. It doesn’t feel like it was ever something I struggled with. I go back to the entity situation and I see her embracing them so closely and so completely that they become her, absorbed within her energy. I see her energy rise and fill, a glow emanating from her heart, and pink energy flutters outward and upward from her crown, much like butterflies. That version of me has her arms open outward, a pink glow around her whole body and a golden glow from her heart.

This feels like a relief to me. I tap for “Love” again for good measure. This feels light and bubbly and tickly.

I don’t know if other aspects will present themselves but I welcome them and allow them forward and feel positive about a future where I’m not afraid to love completely.

Where Do I Feel This Problem In My Body?

I recently did an exercise for something that I was hesitant about due to fear. I knew the fear was there but of course telling myself to not be afraid was doing ab-so-lute-ly NOTHING. (surprised? I’m not! My energy body says “I need more information please! Why should I stop being scared!? Nope, not gonna stop until I believe it’s okay!”). I will honestly explain that the fear related to sex with my husband and fearing being vulnerable, which I had recognised as a problem in general, not specifically to him. I feared being vulnerable around others also. So I asked my (very very patient, caring and open-minded) husband to play a bit of a game with me and come up with scenarios relating to the fears and then I would gauge my responses on those scenarios as information to use in conjunction with energy work. Energy work is somewhat of a heart to heart connection with the energy body to shift the underlying issue.

I don’t need to tell you what the scenarios were (I’m sure you can imagine.. things like “So I have my <insert body part> and it is <insert location of body part>” and “What if you were <insert position> and I was <insert position/action>” – Hmm lots of inserting there…. ;)), but my husband posed many of them. This was pretty funny at times and confronting at others, but it’s only energy of course! For each of the scenarios I asked myself:

Where do I feel this in my body?

I was looking for any resistance, any tension, anything blocking energy flow. And for almost every single one, I felt it in my stomach. A ball that felt like a knot just sitting there quite heavily. I hadn’t noticed this before and was glad to be giving it attention now. It is never too late, you see. We are never stuck with our fears, burdens, issues, discomforts. I don’t believe in “That’s just how I am” when it comes to negative stuff, such as inability to relax and enjoy sex, but also in things like attitude, beliefs and behaviours. Anyway – as the exercise went on, I did notice that the ball got smaller in size and lessened in weight, but it still made its presence known.


I gave some focused attention to that ball and used EFT for it (Energy EFT to be precise, this is an application of the Body Protocol which you can learn more about in Dr Silvia Hartmann’s amazing book ‘Energy EFT’ –

I had my partner propose scenarios to me again. Again I asked:

Where do I feel this in my body?

and I noticed that a response in my body had moved down and felt like it was now in my ovaries. Shining and pulsing. Interesting feeling! I should explain that you could do this exercise solo but having a partner is helpful in situations which relate to unexpected or unplanned things and investigating your natural response. I could create scenarios in my mind but I might choose ‘safer’ scenarios inadvertently. You could also help your partner in return for something they are fearing (or dreading, or worrying about) and both benefit. I did this for my husband, also related to sex.

So I tapped for the feeling in the ovaries next. Aiming to improve energy flow and allowing for the energy in response to the situation to just flow through me instead of getting stuck along the way.

My husband retried the scenarios. I listened with my conscious mind (which made me laugh and giggle) as well as my energy mind:

Where do I feel this in my body?

My energy felt stuck again and I felt as though my energy wanted to flow down and come out between my legs but was stuck there and not releasing. So I tapped for this feeling at my vagina and could feel energy flow improve significantly while I did the tapping! Amazing feeling! I was excited for this to shift so obviously.

I asked my husband to test the scenarios again and there was no stuck feeling at all, just good energy flow. Woo hoo!

So later I decided to test this situation in reality. 😉 And I felt no fear. Nothing holding me back or occupying my thoughts or keeping me from enjoying the moment. I felt freedom and it was as if I had never had this problem. Although in reality I knew that this problem had been plaguing me for some time. After the event I am feeling even more freedom now – I faced the situation and clearly survived and I feel great! I’m so up for more testing! 🙂

So aside from sex, you can try this exercise on anything. Some examples:

* I am about to take a plane trip and the thought fills me with dread – Where? In your stomach? In your chest? Tap for “This feeling in my stomach” or “This heaviness in my chest”.

* It is late evening and I am heading to the pantry with the intention of eating a block of chocolate/heading to the fridge for a second bottle of wine that I know I don’t really want. Stop and feel what is going on in your body. Where’s the feeling? What does it feel like? Now tap for it “This ache in my _____”, “This _____ I feel in my hands”.

* I dream of being a physiotherapist/astronaut/accountant/hairdresser/world famous cyclist but when I consider how I might begin to get to that point I start to feel panicky. Where’s the feeling? Is it pressure in your head? Tingling in your feet? Tap for it. “These prickles on my ____ “, “This pain in my ____”.

And if it’s something you feel in your entire body, then use it too. Just craft your statement to match your feeling. Shift the heaviness, tension, discomfort. Then look again and see where it is. Maybe it’s more specific now, maybe it’s smaller. If it’s still there, use it.

Your body is giving you these clues with love. Listen, feel and take positive action. ❤