Don’t be scared of acknowledging hate

It is so inspiring to see many motivational posters, quotes and images coming up in my Facebook news feed lately. People are writing and liking and sharing messages of positivity, letting go and manifesting the best version of ourselves and our lives. Awesome!

The downside of committing to being more positive and living in line with these messages is that there becomes a fear of giving attention to anything negative. We are becoming conditioned to focus ONLY on the positive, smile, be helpful, caring, selfless, stop and smell the roses, just being in this hectic world. Where does anything negative fit into that, if that negativity is what we’re troubled by? Can we just deny the negative stuff so it goes away? And does that work?

In comparison to affirmations, where we focus on positive statements only, the process of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) gives attention to the negative as well as the positive.

This can be hard for some people to take. I had a friend once complain about her son’s behaviour when she was clearly annoyed by it. I suggested she tap for “His voice is so grating!” (which is what she had said moments before) and she was horrified and refused.

“Wouldn’t giving attention to something bad make it worse? I’d rather just ignore it than give it attention!”

Surprisingly, no. It doesn’t make it worse. The reality is the opposite, in fact. When we use EFT in conjunction with a negative feeling, we give it room to evolve into something different so we can feel good again. I visualise the tapping action as an inspection along the meridian lines for anything relating to that negative feeling, calling it to the surface and allowing it the ability to process and shift!

I don’t believe that denying the feelings or trying to cover them up with positive ones does anything to the energy system unless we are engaging it with an energy therapy in conjunction.

Once you have tapped a round of EFT for something negative, the negative feeling reduces. But you do need to be prepared give it attention in order for that to happen. Facing it head on can be scary or intimidating, but it is a short term blip along the path of healing.

Aside from affirmations, there is running away, ignoring, trying to think yourself better, getting drunk or high.. those options don’t give the real problem attention, and so the problem remains.

Feeling good isn’t just about denying the bad.

Feeling good is letting the ‘bad’ surface for air so it can evaporate!

Don’t worry, good practitioners aren’t going to think badly of you if you tap with them for how much you hate your child (or husband, mother, family, life, brain, uterus, left breast etc). Because we know that the hate is a temporary energy blockage, not the truth of the situation or of yourself. We know that the hate needs to shift before you have room for love (here’s an example of this in action).

How do you love someone while hating them? How do you feel positive when you’re annoyed? Reading all the motivational posters in the world cannot change those feelings until you engage the energy body. This is why things like EFT work so well, we are working at the source of the feeling, not trying to change it with our brain or willpower.

If you’d like a session with me to shift your own hatred or negative stuff, email me to arrange. I am very happy to work via Skype!

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Who is in the driver’s seat of your life?

I was at the Body & Soul Expo on the weekend. It was great to experience my first expo and understand how it works, what happens with them, what kinds of questions people have. I have some further ideas and inspiration for myself and my business and how to share my services and information at future expos.

What was very curious to me was the amount of people who waited in line for psychic readings. I received very little interest in my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) sessions. If you’ve followed my Facebook page or case stories in this blog, you will see that I have been a part of some very significant emotional transformations. This is significant stuff, life-changing, and very worthwhile. Not only for that moment of transformation and that specific issue, but as an ongoing skill and tool for LIFE. Once you learn EFT, your life is no longer the same! Emotional freedom indeed!

Unfortunately (for me!) it seems that every (wo)man and his dog just wants to have their future predicted and to make contact with those that have crossed over. No one wants to look at the here and now of their own emotions/energy. Of course I’m going to be biased here due to my own experiences and knowledge, and the fact that I have chosen to discontinue my own spiritual predictions and focus more on energy evolutions, but this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Think about it:

One could ask to be told information about their future career.

OR

One could release any blocks of fear or doubt they have in going out and making their career of their dreams come true. One could set their intentions on their dream career and evolve anything within them that believes the possibility to be untrue.

One could ask to be told about their future lover(s).

OR

One could release any barriers or fears or energetic reversals relating to love, sex, relationships, marriage, sharing their space, sharing their wardrobe, sharing their life (and so on!). One could improve their confidence or anxiety with approaching prospective mates, improve their assertiveness with getting what they seek from a partner, gain confidence and strength enough to leave their abusive partner. The list is endless.

One could ask for contact with passed love ones.

OR

One could release any guilt, grief, disconnectedness from spirit, fear, and embrace the fact that they are in contact with them whenever they choose, allowing them to be open to signs or messages and love from beyond. One could consult with an energist (like me!) and be taught techniques such as Project Sanctuary which allows us to create spaces for interaction with energies of those that have passed. We are never alone, and can do these things with our own abilities. We are ALL blessed with an energy mind. We are driving the vehicle that is our lives!

This is me driving my life! (well, a car, but my life too) Look how satisfied I am!

My problem at this expo was this: HOW do I put on a quick and snappy A4 sign all of this potential and possibility within each and every one of us? How do I put it into words the power that resides in simple techniques and choices?

We get to choose what we want here and the only thing that is holding us back is ourselves, what we believe, what we understand to be true. Beliefs, understandings and feelings are ALL ENERGY AND ALL ABLE TO BE EVOLVED!!

AIM HIGHER! Don’t let anyone else tell you what YOU want in your life. Use your imagination, focus and energy, and create the life that you dream of! It doesn’t have to be complicated, mystical or out of reach for ‘normal’ people.

[My apologies for an odd blog post email that went out on Saturday night. It wasn’t meant to be published.]

EFT Case Story – Relationship struggle: Hating her husband.

My client today explained a number of situations where she felt scattered, disorganised, exhausted and unable to focus. She was finding herself emotional all the time and procrastinated with things that she really wanted to do.

We began by tapping for “Calm” to de-stress her energy.

From here she admitted that it related to not feeling loved and that it seemed to centre around her relationship with her husband. When I asked her how she felt about him, she said “I feel nothing, and that’s scary”. She expanded on this and how she would not want to be touched, how she wouldn’t say “I love you” back to him and that she didn’t want to be around him. She rated the situation and her feelings for him as -10 on the SUE scale, which is very strongly negative. She described it as “Hatred“, so this is what we tapped for.

After tapping for this, she described that she had a flashback during the tapping. She was thinking about a situation in the past where she had been hurt in a 2 year relationship, was coming out of that, didn’t want to be hurt again and she was ready to swear off men completely. Then she met her (future) husband and she was quite rude to him and pushing him away. He had said to her “I don’t ever want to leave you because of the love I have for you. I love you too much”.

In some ways she was reminded of her father and saw him in her husband. She remembered situations where they had made choices about money and finances and she had gone along with what he had said and it had gone badly. She had got them to a better place and he had been thankless. She also saw that her father hadn’t acknowledged the good things that she had done. She found herself avoiding admitting things, not wanting her husband to be right. She also mentioned and acknowledged illnesses that she had had that she knew were a physical manifestation of her negative feelings towards him. Recognising a need to make changes.

At this stage she rated the issue as -4 which is a significant jump! When she thought of him, the sense she got was “Disrespect“, which was a pattern in terms of how she felt about her father also. We tapped for this.

After this round she was thinking about him coming home soon. She noticed that she was mildly enthusiastic about it, but had a sense of “We’ll see, he’ll do something to ruin it”. At this stage she felt sad. She was more able to see that some of the treatment she had given him was harsh and not necessarily deserving. She had wondered if it was his expectations on her, but he really had very little. Any expectations came from her father.

She started talking about “before the tapping” and “the illusion of my husband as my father” which I was thrilled to hear. I could tell that she had separated the two men in her mind and recognised that they were different people, with different histories and stories. She was looking forward to working as a team with her husband, that they had enjoyed doing tasks together in the past and she wanted more of that. She felt +5 at this stage. A positive indicator of another amazing jump forward of emotional evolution!

As she was on the positive end of the SUE scale now, I asked her to think about how she wanted to feel about her husband or their relationship. She decided on “Happy with ____” (his name). After this round of tapping she rated the issue at +7.

We then tapped for “Love“. She was reminded of their wedding day. How it was such a wonderful day for them together and she was able to soak it all up and enjoy it. She remembered him looking at her coming down the aisle and how much he loved her. She also remembered how he had taken care of so many things on that day and had taken care of her.

When I asked her how she felt about her husband now, she said LOVE. She rated her feeling as +10!

Afterword:

I am absolutely thrilled for my client for being able to evolve how she was feeling in order to find a more positive place and feeling! I am blown away by how we were able to turn around at least 6 months of negative feeling toward her husband (with a crossover of a lifetime of negative feelings towards her father) into love and acknowledgement of his love – in the space of one hour! I can’t think of any other form of therapy that has results like this, can you?

So what’s the difference?

Energy!

We get to the energetic core of an issue and we give it attention in order to evolve it. We don’t have to spend hundreds of sessions (and corresponding dollars!) talking strategies of loving partners more and ‘things to try’ to get the spark back, we just aim straight at those feelings – that ENERGY. And when we evolve the INNER, the OUTER follows. When you love and adore a partner, things like special date nights happen without effort, it’s easy to reach out and hold hands more. When you have pure hatred for them, it is a battle, an uphill one, trying to make positive feelings out of negative ones without actually working with the energy you’ve got.  UGH! I know the approach I’d like to take!

The Extra Terrestrial Self-Love Weight-Loss Plan

OK this is a bit of a vent so bear with me. Sometimes I feel like I am on another planet and I’ve just had yet another other-planetary moment and my mind has been blown.

I stumbled across a blog entry whereby the author admitted that maybe… just maybe… that people who were thin may actually be unhappy too.

What followed this post was many many comments congratulating the admission and the honesty and bravery and “WOW that made me think!”.

Wait. Really?!

Do people REALLY presume that body size, shape, attributes have a bearing on how we feel within ourselves? That everyone who fits in a particular tiny clothing size has a glowing attitude to match? When people lose weight do they think that when they are just short of their weight goal that the Emo Fairies will come in through the night and take the sadness and hurts away? How would this possibly work? How does it possibly make sense?!

Would the women trying to lose weight look in the mirror every day.. feel “meh”, then suddenly one day look in the mirror and a choir of angels sings and light beams down from the ceiling, allowing them to recognise that they have FINALLY attained TRUE beauty and they were free to live life with only positive feelings?

OK I’m being a little cheeky, but I just don’t get it. I don’t get how any of that makes sense at all. It’s so obvious to me how things such as emotions and energy work that I assume that other people understand it how I do.

Sadness is sadness whether it’s in a fat suit or a thin one. Experiences happen, no matter our outer physical ‘shell’, and those experiences alter our energy and evoke emotion, good or bad. And sad feelings remain until we process them, or evolve them, or reverse them. Altering the physical doesn’t necessarily alter the emotional. Putting on a pink hat doesn’t make me filled with feelings of love unless I already have the capacity. And if I already had the capacity, then the hat is redundant, isn’t it. I could pretend I put the hat on. I could visualise I constantly had that hat on. In the end I wouldn’t even think about the hat, it would be all me. Just as it was from the beginning.

Which is it in a nutshell, I guess. Some people think they don’t have permission to be happy in their skin unless they have a ‘pink hat’ telling them what they can feel, or an outfit with a magic number on the label which says to them: “NOW. Now, you are definitely a beautiful woman. Enjoy!”

Why wait for the permission from something on the outside to tell us it’s okay to be happy? Why wait to feel good? Wouldn’t feeling good about ourselves FIRST make it easier to prepare ourselves lovely healthy meals, move our gorgeous bodies and get active in a way that is fun to us, take care of ourselves with incredible tender loving care? In that way, wouldn’t feeling GOOD about ourselves make things like weight loss, dieting, strict regimes etc redundant?

But hey.. what would I know, I’m clearly from another planet. 😉

Transforming anger into love, with the help of a cough

The cough

My daughter is coughing a lot in her bed tonight. I was enjoying myself and relaxing and now every time I hear her cough I feel like punching something. I’ve given up on the relaxing thing that I was doing because I just couldn’t relax while hearing it! And now I’m angry. And uncomfortable about feeling angry too because I know it’s not her fault. It’s totally one of those irrational things = energy reversals.

What on earth is contributing to this feeling? It’s just a cough.. An intermittent, unproductive, open mouthed “UH HAH HAH HAH” cough that is uncomfortable to hear. 😦

Now my son is still awake after being put to bed 2 hours ago after having been very badly behaved all day. Can’t a woman get a break?!? He keeps opening and closing his door with creak of the doorknob and a thud each time. He knows he’s meant to be in bed asleep but of course wants to know what’s going on with the rest of the world.

My husband is out at the gym. Half his luck!

So where do I begin?

This anger.. it’s pretty much equal with hearing the cough and hearing the door thuds.  I would say I’m either -7 or -8 on the SUE scale. I’m pissed off, so that’s what I’ll tap for – “Pissed off!“. I may or may not have thrown in an F word in there too at some point during that round.

So I can’t hear my son anymore, but my daughter is still coughing. I feel less affected, less angry. I’d say I’m around -3. I’m sad that she’s coughing and confused why, feeling helpless. I also don’t know what my son’s problem is and why he is still awake 2 hours after bedtime. I wonder if it’s related to us enforcing a nap today, since he was so crazy-naughty, and my anger is rising again. But it’s around -5 rather than where it was. And more of a frustration than an anger. A feeling like “I can’t win” (son) and “What am I meant to do?!” (daughter).

I tap for “Frustrated and helpless“. I’m probably around -1 or 0 now. Much more apathetic. I’m wondering why she is coughing and what I can possibly do about it. I get distracted looking at cough remedies and forget that I was even tapping.

The coughing has stopped, for now. But I’d like to keep going with the tapping for at least a few more rounds.

ZZzzzzzzz…

I’m falling asleep at my laptop, I’m tired from a restless night last night as well as a long day. The fact that I am still ‘on duty’ is what I keep being reminded of. I. Am. Exhausted.

How would I like to feel instead of angry? Well if I’m honest, I don’t know why I’m not listening to myself and going to bed much earlier. If I have anyone to be angry with or frustrated with, it’s myself.

I’ve been going to bed late for so long and have tried to break the habit but it hasn’t worked. I am not making time for my own needs, and then when someone needs me MORE (cough cough… cough.. cough.. creak… thud.. cough.. thud) and I already feel like I have nothing left, it triggers a response like the above.

So.. I want to tap for “I’m ready to listen to my needs“. This is now probably a +2. It feels nice, a subtle positive feeling.

Then “I meet my needs“, which didn’t feel like it was affecting any change until I reached the tapping points on my hand and it became a sense of empowerment of knowing what I need and acting on it and resulting in a more positive sense of balance. I would rate the feeling at +6 now.

I want to tap for something that cements that meeting my needs allows me to meet others’ needs, but nothing snappy came to mind. What does come to me intuitively while I’m wondering what to tap for is:

I love myself first so I have love to give others“.

I get a little teary at just how much this resonates. It is just perfect. I tap for this and I’m feeling at least +8 now. Blissfully sleepy. Ready to put myself to bed because I’m tired and I need to sleep.. and need to care for my babies tomorrow who might be more tired than usual themselves.

How I Got To See My Deceased Cat Again

The contents of the energy mind cost nothing to access and use, yet experiences like these are priceless. Thank you for reading and enjoying these personal experiences.

I drop into Sanctuary tonight with the intention of revisiting with a particular old friend. My cat who died in June 2009. I leave the door to my cabin slightly ajar. I can hear crickets chirping and it is a dark night with twinkling stars. It is a little cold and I shiver as I walk in a long cotton nightgown and pull back my covers and lay down in bed, pulling my bed covers back over me. They are soft and have some weight to them tonight, heavier than usual. I feel comforted and the bed is soft underneath me too.

The cabin is dark and still and I hear a slight creak of the wooden door. I look over and I see my old friend, Itten, a tabby cat. He looks up at me with such a happy expression and leaps up onto the bed, purring and walking back and forth and in circles. I am so happy to see him again and give him all the pats and love that I have. I tell him I have missed him and he pushes his cat face against my chin.

He eventually calms down, walks in circles beside me and finds himself a comfy place there. His fur is so soft just like I remember it to be. I want to communicate with him here but I’m not sure how. I pat his head and run my hand down his back and tell him how sorry I am that things were so messy when he died. I was very stressed at the time and I begin to explain and he swipes me with one paw as if to tell me to stop. I am sensing communication from him (intuitive) and it is “That doesn’t matter. Things happened how they were supposed to. I had to go, it was time for me to go. You didn’t cause it to happen, it was predestined and my time was up.” I nod and give him more pats.

I ask him if he has seen my son who (in ‘the hard’) I was pregnant with at the time he died. I wanted to know in some way whether he had got to see him. He laughed, in a cat way, which is really hard to explain, but he laughed and said “He is great, a bundle of energy, we would have got along well”, and I agreed with him. He is saying that my son would benefit from a cat in the house and he is giving me a mental image of a black cat with yellow eyes and subtle white markings, as if that is the cat for my son.

I ask him if he minds the fact that there are chickens in his old cat house now. He is showing me himself in the cat house, as though he is still there in his old form yet looking on in approval.

I ask him what his favourite thing was about his life with us. He says “you” and shows me a zillion mental images of him sitting beside me on the couch, on the bed, being patted, being talked to, being played with. He rests his chin on me and closes his eyes. He loved me so very much it is undeniable.

I ask him if he has a question for me. He asks why did I not like him sometimes. And I remember yelling at him for being persistent with ‘asking’ for food, annoying me when I was trying to do something, being all over me sometimes. I tell him that I’m sorry that I didn’t think of how he might feel for me to be like that, but that I did always LIKE him, that I always loved him in fact. I ask him what I could have done instead and he said that I could have just been kinder about it, calmer about it, nicer about it. I agree with him. And as we are sitting there and I am patting him, I am overcome with a feeling of peace, as though something big has just happened, shifted, lifted, changed. And before my eyes he turns into gold sparkles which disappear and then he is gone.

And I’m not sad about it even though I would have liked for him to stay. I know that he’s not gone forever.

Resolving the Inner Fight

When Wanting Something Isn’t Enough

A friend confided that she wanted to give herself more of her time and energy. She said she wished she could put as much effort into loving herself as she does in caring for other people (such as friends and family). She said she tried to tell herself to give herself 30 minutes a day of time just for her: time on her own, doing nice things for her such as making nice foods, spending time doing hair or makeup, but she said she couldn’t even manage that.

What’s Going On Here?

My feeling is that this woman is battling with an aspect that is refusing to treat herself kindly. The phrase “tried to tell myself” is a clue that there is an aspect issue at play here. One part of her is telling another part of her what to do – and it isn’t working.

What’s An Aspect?

An aspect is a version of one’s self that is not who that person is in this present moment in time; so a version of a person that existed (even for a millisecond) in the past or is even yet to exist. Person X might be sitting comfortably on a couch, yet there is an aspect of that person who is still on a plane trip taken 10 years before, which hit turbulence and contributed to them thinking that they were about to die. As much as Person X wants to travel the world and see the sights, the “OMG I’m going to die!” aspect says “No. freaking. way. am I ever getting on a plane again”. The here and now Person X knows that they survived and that chances of dying in a plane crash are slim, but try as they might, the aspect won’t be convinced.

My friend is doing something similar. There is an aspect of her that really dislikes the idea of pampering herself and giving herself the luxury of time and attention. I can assume that it may go back to an event or belief that has my friend thinking she is undeserving, perhaps that she’s unworthy of good things, perhaps that something bad happened when she was focused upon herself once (or twice or three times), and ever since then she has vowed to never put herself first again.

ANYTHING where you feel that you are fighting with yourself and throwing willpower/motivations/rewards/logical reasons at it is getting you nowhere, you probably really are: You’re probably fighting with an aspect of yourself. Time to sort out the argument once and for all and have things flow much easier and peacefully. And wow, you might literally achieve inner peace by negotiating a fight within yourself to a place of resolution. Want to know how?

Tapping To Rescue The Aspect

The experiences and beliefs that lead to these resistances are very different for each of us, which is why EFT is best tailored to the individual.. BUT! Below are some tap-along scripts for anyone struggling through the same issues and wanting relief. You may notice an energetic shift with only one or a few of these and are welcome to adapt them to suit what you’re needing. If you don’t know how to tap, my video will show you and you can tap for the below phrases along with the video. Ponder your issue, and the aspect that’s struggling, and tap:

  • “The aspect believes she/he/I is undeserving of this”
  • “The aspect hates me”
  • “The aspect believes they will come to harm if I do this”
  • “The aspect believes I am better off remaining as I am”
  • “The aspect is really scared and nervous”
  • “The aspect worries what other people will think of them or say about them”
  • “The aspect really doesn’t want to change”

Once you feel beyond these negative issues (when the aspect’s compulsion feels less severe) you could also tap for the aspect in a positive manner, considering the issue that the aspect has and what they might need:

  • “The aspect needs courage”
  • “The aspect is well/healthy/okay/fine/happy/alive/loved/safe” (a little ‘choose your own tapping adventure’ here.. 😉 )
  • “The aspect is ready to feel better”
  • “The aspect is open to change”
  • “The aspect is letting go of hurts of the past”
  • “The aspect is AWESOME!”

The concept of treating the aspect is much easier to understand and put into practice with a real life example, so GO FOR IT and see what aspects you can help today. If these suggestions for tapping aren’t helping, then contact me (or another EFT practitioner) to help you!

Using EFT For Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

What’s PMDD?

According to the Wikipedia entry for PMDD, it is defined as severe PMS leading up to the menstrual cycle as well as a few days after menstruation has begun.

The main emotional symptoms are listed as:

  • feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
  • feelings of intense tension or anxiety
  • increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
  • panic attacks
  • rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
  • lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
  • apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
  • difficulty concentrating
  • chronic fatigue
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
  • feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
  • increase or decrease in sex drive
  • increased need for emotional closeness

Sufferers may have many of these symptoms or one. This is an issue close to my heart as once a month my world would turn upside down. I felt like I was possessed by something I had no control of. It impacted on my husband and children and friends and family and relationships. It impacted on how I saw the world around me. It was a thick emotional filter that existed between myself and the rest of the world.

How Can PMDD Be Managed?

I had tried herbs and vitamins and breathing and journalling and was still plagued by this ‘demon’. I took the flower essence She Oak for many months, and although my cycle regulated and became much shorter (from ~45 days to ~30, an 11 day period to 7 days), I still had the severe PMS which I came to understand as PMDD.

I asked a wise woman for her advice on how to handle it emotionally/energetically. Her first suggestion was to de-stress energetically, step one for any emotional issue! However I was using EFT and de-stressing constantly through this emotional storm and feeling as though I was using a bucket with holes in it to bail out a sinking boat. I wasn’t getting anywhere fast!

Her second suggestion was to treat this PMDD part of me as a separate part of me. A part of me who is needing much support and assistance and exploding in rage and emotion once a month, perhaps because of unmet needs. If I gave attention to this aspect throughout the cycle, would ‘she’ no longer need to release fury once a month? It is called the Aspect Model in Energy EFT.

Using The Aspect Model for PMDD

So I decided to track my progress through one menstrual cycle to see what presented and what the PMDD Aspect was going through. (CD = Cycle Day)

CD 6
The PMDD aspect just wants a break, and is frantic to get all of the unfinished things done around the house so she doesn’t have to see them (and be overwhelmed at PMS time). I decided to paint my laundry, and gave objects a permanent ‘home’ that needed them. I also gave things we had no use for to my local op shop to declutter.

CD 9
The PMDD aspect wants to cry and has a heavy heart. I had noticed a tension and sensitivity in general on this day. My husband was frustrating me. I tapped for “needs to cry”. I reassessed the PMDD aspect and felt anger and tapped for “the aspect is angry”. Once the anger had been cleared I felt the PMDD aspect was confused and overwhelmed and tapped for this. When I asked her what it was that she needed, I felt that she was needing: a friend, love, support, and feels like she has none of it. My husband was distant emotionally and criticising things and it was hitting a nerve in the sense of not meeting any of the PMDD aspect’s needs. It made it more obvious to me that I needed to seek out what I needed in a positive way – for example, ask for a hug and initiating a conversation instead of getting annoyed and feeling unloved.

CD 17
The PMDD aspect is happy, just needs sleep.

CD 18
The PMDD aspect needs reassurance. I tapped for “the aspect is okay”. I was then given the impression (mental image) that the aspect could march in and take control of everything and get things tackled very quickly. As though it was an issue if things weren’t under control. I tapped for “the aspect doesn’t need to be in control to be safe”.

CD 20
The PMDD aspect is frustrated about mess with her childrens’ toys, so I decided to sit down with my children (and husband) to work out how to manage the toys and what would happen if they weren’t tidied, rather than the mess being my responsibility all the time and causing emotional stress. The PMDD aspect is relieved that there are now rules in place. The PMDD aspect is worried about the period being on its way in the next week or so. I tapped for “the aspect thinks she will lose her cool”.

CD 28
The PMDD aspect needs to have a cry, and focus her attention inward. I tapped for “The aspect wants to cry” and “the aspect wants to focus within”. I also had a bath and took time for myself and gave myself permission to focus on me and me alone.

CD 31
The PMDD aspect is highly annoyed at her husband. I tapped for “The aspect thinks her husband is useless”. (sorry honey – this process was well before we had worked through our issues with intimacy)

My period started the following day. I expected to feel far more out of control than I did at this stage. It was significant progress. I recognised each feeling as it arose and gave it the attention that it needed.

Life After PMDD?

It has been several cycles for me since then. I don’t consider myself to have PMDD anymore. There are emotions that surface prior to a period (which I still call PMS due to the timing of when they appear). However they are MUCH more subtle and I no longer feel out of control or possessed by them. I am aware of the emotions, not driven by them. These emotions are healing opportunities that I welcome – each cycle revealing different issues to give attention to and shift beyond. I use EFT for these issues as arise and still occasionally ask the PMS aspect what she needs. She is quietly content most of the time these days. 🙂

Giving ourselves (our aspects!) the opportunity to express what we need and want for balance and happiness is so important. The answers are there within us and just need to be given permission to come forward and be heard.

“How Come I Can’t Shake This?”

.. Was what someone asked me last night. And I got to thinking that what life might be like for that person if they no longer had their emotional issue.. inspiring this post.

If you have a chronic emotional problem, and you can clearly recognise it as an issue but struggling to move forward, you may be held back from resolving it because of a ‘pay-off’: there is *something* to do with this problem that you are getting something positive from. Even if that something is only a perceived something.

EFT is very simple and straightforward, yet often times when people are asking for help and I show them how to do EFT, there is an excuse or a reason why now is not a good time, that it will be done later. And it’s not done. Or they stop after one round and feel better in the moment but don’t follow through to resolution of their issue. Even if their belief in EFT is solid and they truly want to do it. Some even want to feel better BEFORE they use it!

What kinds of things are pay-offs then?

Some examples of pay-offs in action:

In a situation where someone is highly anxious about something bad happening to their child, letting go of the anxiousness may mean (to them) that they are welcoming that something bad. They are no longer protecting their child. Why would they choose that? So they are stuck feeling anxious. They NEED to be anxious, even if it’s causing a number of issues in their life

In a situation where someone is suffering from chronic tiredness and flatness of mood, no longer being this way may mean they will no longer be looked after, and may have more responsibility. Less allowances and leeway. If the person is lacking love and self-love, they would struggle to say goodbye to that nurturing and caring, even if it makes them unable to function completely. And yes, emotions are powerful enough to lead to physical symptoms such as tiredness. Feeling unloved in itself may be enough to cause a flatness.

If someone has had an emotional issue for most of their life, no longer having it may mean to them that they would be agreeing to their life being completely different and changed forever. Change can be scary, and the known can seem safest, even if it’s known suffering.

A person with a fear of abandonment knows they are worrying excessively when their family members go out to the shops, but the potential of losing them forever keeps them from being able to just “let go”. They believe they need to keep the fear and worry to keep their family safe.

An emotional eater knows their habits aren’t doing them any good physically, but the way the food and the eating makes them feel in the heat of the moment makes it very difficult to ‘just stop’. Stopping may mean facing a pain or a hurt and looking something square in the face. Facing things may open an emotional can of worms that the sufferer may feel is worse than the eating.

These pay-offs are very real (and therefore powerful) even if they may not make logic sense on the surface. The sufferer may also begin to see the way the pay-offs are keeping them stuck, yet not know how to get beyond it, so they have their problem as well as frustration with themselves. A true inner argument!

How can we move forward if we have a pay-off situation happening?

The sufferer may have very good support, such as psychologists, trusted general practitioners and loving friends. But until they resolve the issue within themselves, they will remain stuck due to the pay-off.

There is a part within them, an aspect of them, if you will, that doesn’t want to get better. And THAT is who we need to talk to. We need to consider that aspect as a separate person to the one who is suffering and wanting to get better and what they need. We can do that using EFT and tapping for specific aspects.

Example tapping phrases: “The aspect that believes change is bad”, “The aspect that believes they have to control things for them to be okay”, “The aspect that is scared to feel her feelings”, “The aspect that believes she is unworthy of love”. While tapping, these things may unfold into reminders of specific situations in their lives. Such as a time when there was a big change and it really DID mean something bad happened. That may have been the case once, but doesn’t mean it needs to repeat forever, remaining solid as a belief. It was an event which had an impact on their energy body – and energy can be evolved!

Feel free to tap along with me here to any of the tapping phrases above, or contact me to help you through, working specifically on your issue. EFT

Loving My Children, Completely

Yesterday I created an energy habitat for my ‘food mojo’. I was presented with a simple image of a meal of wholesome and fresh food over a family lunch with my parents. I was touched by how good this had felt. I felt looked after, loved, and cared for.

From this simple habitat I had a significant realisation, however. Those familiar with the concept of the Five Love Languages might recognise that my Quality Time and Acts of Service ‘love tanks’ were given attention by the event of this meal. I thought about my own children and how sometimes I am not even sitting with them for their meals. I am savouring their distraction and the subsequent silence and cleaning the kitchen or preparing things for their bath, or reading an email. And with my ‘food mojo’ issue and disinterest in cooking, I am neglecting both of these love languages. And the other languages are not getting a significant look-in either. I love my children, but do they feel it? Am I giving it in ways that they can feel? Are their love tanks filling from their interactions with me? Sadly, I don’t think so. I thought about other relationships too and felt a heavy sadness as well as my stress levels rising. I was failing my kids, failing as a mother and as a person going through the world where love is essentially all there is and the best part about being alive and feeling.

This was a heavy realisation, yet something I’d been aware of (to some degree) for awhile. I had brushed it aside as me ‘just not being a nurturing kind of person’. As I have recently shifted some significant stressors with EFT, I had the capacity to give this attention, where before it was just one of many things I had intended to look at more closely in the future. This is also most likely a period of PMS for me which may be why this is so clearly in my face. (I have posted my thoughts on my Facebook page here) I feel virtually forced to give this attention. Ah the joys of being an energetically sensitive woman!

Some of this may well be ‘mother’s guilt’ but decided that giving the issue attention wasn’t going to hurt anyone and may do positive things in the meantime.

So after the food mojo habitat, I made my children a meal for dinner and was conscious of putting some love and care into it (versus slapping together ingredients) and both of them rejected it and refused to eat it. And it was something they’d eaten before. I was so angry. I instantly regretted putting ‘myself’ into this meal and being so open, feeling a hurt in my heart. Which I tapped for.

I decided to use a method of EFT where you treat several somethings as an energetic entity. You can use this method for a business or any group of people, such as “the clients” or “my students” or “the train company”. The aim being to improve the energetic relationship. I visualised an entity and where this was located. I saw myself holding my two children at arm’s length, to the right hand side of my body, and knew they were trying to get to my heart. My heart was protected by a layer of bubble wrap. I tapped for the bubble wrap.

The bubble wrap is off and what remains is thick layer of cling wrap over my heart and I see that instead of being held firmly at arm’s length, my arm had relaxed and bended, allowing them closer. I tap for “A safety net” because that’s what the cling wrap feels like. A layer between them and me and keeping myself ‘safe’. While tapping for this, I feel that I am preparing myself to be more vulnerable with them. But I’m not quite there yet.

I decide to tap for “This safety net” again. The entity is in my arms now. My two children, one on either side. There is a resistance there. An awkward and stiff hug. I’m not relaxing into it. To clarify, I don’t have problems in reality hugging my children, but as an energetic representation of our connection, I have problems ‘letting them in’ and this is how it is presented in the vicinity of my energy.

Considering what I feel I am on the verge of here, I began to feel my stress levels rising. I tapped for “stress” and “calm”, and reminded myself that it’s ONLY ENERGY.

I tapped for “I let go of fear”. When I consider the entity I see that I am melting into the hug a little more now. There is still some resistance. I tap for “I allow myself to trust”. I am feeling lighter and warmth at the heart. I tap for “I love openly and without hesitation or condition”, which triggers an emotional release, but there is still *something* there, still something in the way. I feel frustrated with myself!

I tap again for “stress”. And then “Love”. There is energetic improvement here but I’m still waiting for the ‘hit’; the moment where I recognise/feel that I have touched on the right issue which will unlock everything. This is where an EFT practitioner helps, because I am too close to the issue here and can’t see the forest for the trees. A practitioner is on the outside and could make suggestions that I may not willingly come up with on my own (for a number of reasons, fear being a big one).

Saying and feeling “I am too close to the issue” reminds me of another protocol I could use here, which is the Aspect Model. Treating parts of me contributing to things as a separate person, rather than something that I had done or felt or experienced. Perfect for situations like this where I might be preventing a healing event. The aspect symbol (a triangle – as per The Genius Symbols) has been coming up frequently in habitats for me if you haven’t noticed! I feel silly for not using it already for this.

  • There is an aspect of me that feels vulnerable when she lets someone into her heart.
  • There is an aspect of me that equates vulnerability with pain.
  • There is an aspect that feels like she will lose herself if she gives herself in love.
  • There is an aspect of me that is scared of being hurt.

So I tap for these women. I tap for them and give them love and acknowledgement. I give attention to what they believe to be true without judgement or analysis. And of course it’s emotional. Of course it makes me cry. And of course it feels like a weight has been lifted from me when I am finished.

I think about loving my children and letting them in, completely and without reservation, and there doesn’t feel like there is anything in the way anymore. It doesn’t feel like it was ever something I struggled with. I go back to the entity situation and I see her embracing them so closely and so completely that they become her, absorbed within her energy. I see her energy rise and fill, a glow emanating from her heart, and pink energy flutters outward and upward from her crown, much like butterflies. That version of me has her arms open outward, a pink glow around her whole body and a golden glow from her heart.

This feels like a relief to me. I tap for “Love” again for good measure. This feels light and bubbly and tickly.

I don’t know if other aspects will present themselves but I welcome them and allow them forward and feel positive about a future where I’m not afraid to love completely.