My client explained that she was having issues with sex and intimacy with her husband. She found the thought of being intimate with him off-putting, it made her feel sick. She felt “creeped out” by it. She said it had been this way for a long time. They had children very quickly into the relationship (their first child was conceived several weeks after having first met), and she suffered with morning sickness through both of her pregnancies and also was not wanting to be intimate while she was still breastfeeding.
As her children have got older, she has realised that sex was an issue for her. She used to have a high sex drive, but now doesn’t want to do it at all. She feels like she doesn’t want to “give it to him, as he’s not earnt it”. She just wants him to go away and describes how she feels that she has a shield up. A heavy, thick, solid shield from her stomach area. She said that he had been hurtful with his words in the past and she has had a barrier up since then.
We firstly tapped for “Calm” to de-stress and also to teach her how to do a round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). She felt quite relaxed after this.
When she thought about the issue of intimacy, she felt she would rate it as -1 on the SUE scale. The way she would describe it is that she is trapped, cornered, and has not many choices. That either he will get frustrated and seek sex elsewhere or leave her, or she had to make herself do it. But she didn’t want to force things for herself either. We tapped for “Trapped“.
While tapping for “Trapped”, she was reminded of all the things that he does for the family that are positive and that he is a good guy, a good dad, a good person. He cooks and cleans regularly and spends time with the kids.
From seeing him more in this light, she was able to relate her feelings about sex back to an incident where they had tried to have sex soon after childbirth and she knew that she wasn’t completely ready. It was awkward and uncomfortable and she described that she felt violated as a result. At around the same time, her brother-in-law had died and her husband was very unsupportive of her through this and had very little empathy.
She said she was able to see now that they are “in this together”, that it’s a problem for the both of them to work on together, rather than just an issue for her. That she has his support now and he is not who he used to be.
When she thought about being intimate now she rated the strength of feeling as +1. Together we tapped for “Violated” when she thought back to the sexual encounter soon after childbirth. She felt that this shifted while we tapped, she struggled to think of it towards the end of the tapping round.
She recognised that they needed to engage and talk about this situation. She felt that she was freeer and that there was no barrier anymore! She rated her feeling as +2 or +3.
We decided to tap for how she wanted to feel about sex with her husband and we chose “Free and excited“, which evolved into “Free and excited, and CAN’T WAIT!” and was lots of fun. My own husband may or may not receive ‘borrowed benefits’ from this session.. 😉 While tapping for this, she recognised that there was a fear of falling pregnant again that was putting her off also, and that she needed to make some more permanent choices for contraception.
My client is now able to visualise the two of them together intimately. She can see how she has been closing him out and that he has been trying to be mature and work together with her to improve things. She can see that he has a fun side and maybe she has been too serious, that they make a good team to balance each other out. She could also recognise that she may have been using sex as part of a power play – one part of her life where she was able to control the situation. She rates the issue at +5 now, which is fantastic!
We decide to tap on that sense of fun and having that with her husband: “Fun with John“. She found herself thinking about a family dinner tonight and how they can just have fun together and not worry about any drama.
She now rates the feeling about being intimate with him as +8 or +9! She said she could visualise going home and giving him a big passionate kiss. Where usually she struggles to just give him a peck on the cheek. A passionate kiss is not what she would normally do at all, and she can see that it’s something they’ve both been missing. A void in their lives.
My client felt as though the issue had lifted and was no longer a problem for her, which I am delighted to hear and be a part of!
It is easy to see from this case story where someone could easily try to push themselves to do something they don’t want to do, without resolving the reasons as to why they aren’t wanting to do it in the first place.
A much easier and gentler way is to evolve the “I don’t want to” into “Hmm I might want to” and then keep evolving into maybe “I do want to” and then “Wow I really really want to, can I please??”. No forcing necessary when you release the energetic reversals! It becomes easy and natural and you live the truth of yourself rather than fight against those instincts that are trying to tell you something.
If you’d like to book your own session with me to evolve your own things that are stuck and resisting, contact me via email at firstname.lastname@example.org!