EFT Case Story: Not interested in having sex and being intimate

My client explained that she was having issues with sex and intimacy with her husband. She found the thought of being intimate with him off-putting, it made her feel sick. She felt “creeped out” by it. She said it had been this way for a long time. They had children very quickly into the relationship (their first child was conceived several weeks after having first met), and she suffered with morning sickness through both of her pregnancies and also was not wanting to be intimate while she was still breastfeeding.

As her children have got older, she has realised that sex was an issue for her. She used to have a high sex drive, but now doesn’t want to do it at all. She feels like she doesn’t want to “give it to him, as he’s not earnt it”. She just wants him to go away and describes how she feels that she has a shield up. A heavy, thick, solid shield from her stomach area. She said that he had been hurtful with his words in the past and she has had a barrier up since then.

We firstly tapped for “Calm” to de-stress and also to teach her how to do a round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). She felt quite relaxed after this.

When she thought about the issue of intimacy, she felt she would rate it as -1 on the SUE scale. The way she would describe it is that she is trapped, cornered, and has not many choices. That either he will get frustrated and seek sex elsewhere or leave her, or she had to make herself do it. But she didn’t want to force things for herself either. We tapped for “Trapped“.

While tapping for “Trapped”, she was reminded of all the things that he does for the family that are positive and that he is a good guy, a good dad, a good person. He cooks and cleans regularly and spends time with the kids.

From seeing him more in this light, she was able to relate her feelings about sex back to an incident where they had tried to have sex soon after childbirth and she knew that she wasn’t completely ready. It was awkward and uncomfortable and she described that she felt violated as a result. At around the same time, her brother-in-law had died and her husband was very unsupportive of her through this and had very little empathy.

She said she was able to see now that they are “in this together”, that it’s a problem for the both of them to work on together, rather than just an issue for her. That she has his support now and he is not who he used to be.

When she thought about being intimate now she rated the strength of feeling as +1. Together we tapped for “Violated” when she thought back to the sexual encounter soon after childbirth. She felt that this shifted while we tapped, she struggled to think of it towards the end of the tapping round.

She recognised that they needed to engage and talk about this situation. She felt that she was freeer and that there was no barrier anymore! She rated her feeling as +2 or +3.

We decided to tap for how she wanted to feel about sex with her husband and we chose “Free and excited“, which evolved into “Free and excited, and CAN’T WAIT!” and was lots of fun. My own husband may or may not receive ‘borrowed benefits’ from this session.. 😉  While tapping for this, she recognised that there was a fear of falling pregnant again that was putting her off also, and that she needed to make some more permanent choices for contraception.

My client is now able to visualise the two of them together intimately. She can see how she has been closing him out and that he has been trying to be mature and work together with her to improve things. She can see that he has a fun side and maybe she has been too serious, that they make a good team to balance each other out. She could also recognise that she may have been using sex as part of a power play – one part of her life where she was able to control the situation. She rates the issue at +5 now, which is fantastic!

We decide to tap on that sense of fun and having that with her husband: “Fun with John“. She found herself thinking about a family dinner tonight and how they can just have fun together and not worry about any drama.

She now rates the feeling about being intimate with him as +8 or +9! She said she could visualise going home and giving him a big passionate kiss. Where usually she struggles to just give him a peck on the cheek. A passionate kiss is not what she would normally do at all, and she can see that it’s something they’ve both been missing. A void in their lives.

My client felt as though the issue had lifted and was no longer a problem for her, which I am delighted to hear and be a part of!

Afterword:

It is easy to see from this case story where someone could easily try to push themselves to do something they don’t want to do, without resolving the reasons as to why they aren’t wanting to do it in the first place.

A much easier and gentler way is to evolve the “I don’t want to” into “Hmm I might want to” and then keep evolving into maybe “I do want to” and then “Wow I really really want to, can I please??”. No forcing necessary when you release the energetic reversals! It becomes easy and natural and you live the truth of yourself rather than fight against those instincts that are trying to tell you something.

If you’d like to book your own session with me to evolve your own things that are stuck and resisting, contact me via email at info@dogrosehealing.com!

EFT Case Story – Relationship struggle: Hating her husband.

My client today explained a number of situations where she felt scattered, disorganised, exhausted and unable to focus. She was finding herself emotional all the time and procrastinated with things that she really wanted to do.

We began by tapping for “Calm” to de-stress her energy.

From here she admitted that it related to not feeling loved and that it seemed to centre around her relationship with her husband. When I asked her how she felt about him, she said “I feel nothing, and that’s scary”. She expanded on this and how she would not want to be touched, how she wouldn’t say “I love you” back to him and that she didn’t want to be around him. She rated the situation and her feelings for him as -10 on the SUE scale, which is very strongly negative. She described it as “Hatred“, so this is what we tapped for.

After tapping for this, she described that she had a flashback during the tapping. She was thinking about a situation in the past where she had been hurt in a 2 year relationship, was coming out of that, didn’t want to be hurt again and she was ready to swear off men completely. Then she met her (future) husband and she was quite rude to him and pushing him away. He had said to her “I don’t ever want to leave you because of the love I have for you. I love you too much”.

In some ways she was reminded of her father and saw him in her husband. She remembered situations where they had made choices about money and finances and she had gone along with what he had said and it had gone badly. She had got them to a better place and he had been thankless. She also saw that her father hadn’t acknowledged the good things that she had done. She found herself avoiding admitting things, not wanting her husband to be right. She also mentioned and acknowledged illnesses that she had had that she knew were a physical manifestation of her negative feelings towards him. Recognising a need to make changes.

At this stage she rated the issue as -4 which is a significant jump! When she thought of him, the sense she got was “Disrespect“, which was a pattern in terms of how she felt about her father also. We tapped for this.

After this round she was thinking about him coming home soon. She noticed that she was mildly enthusiastic about it, but had a sense of “We’ll see, he’ll do something to ruin it”. At this stage she felt sad. She was more able to see that some of the treatment she had given him was harsh and not necessarily deserving. She had wondered if it was his expectations on her, but he really had very little. Any expectations came from her father.

She started talking about “before the tapping” and “the illusion of my husband as my father” which I was thrilled to hear. I could tell that she had separated the two men in her mind and recognised that they were different people, with different histories and stories. She was looking forward to working as a team with her husband, that they had enjoyed doing tasks together in the past and she wanted more of that. She felt +5 at this stage. A positive indicator of another amazing jump forward of emotional evolution!

As she was on the positive end of the SUE scale now, I asked her to think about how she wanted to feel about her husband or their relationship. She decided on “Happy with ____” (his name). After this round of tapping she rated the issue at +7.

We then tapped for “Love“. She was reminded of their wedding day. How it was such a wonderful day for them together and she was able to soak it all up and enjoy it. She remembered him looking at her coming down the aisle and how much he loved her. She also remembered how he had taken care of so many things on that day and had taken care of her.

When I asked her how she felt about her husband now, she said LOVE. She rated her feeling as +10!

Afterword:

I am absolutely thrilled for my client for being able to evolve how she was feeling in order to find a more positive place and feeling! I am blown away by how we were able to turn around at least 6 months of negative feeling toward her husband (with a crossover of a lifetime of negative feelings towards her father) into love and acknowledgement of his love – in the space of one hour! I can’t think of any other form of therapy that has results like this, can you?

So what’s the difference?

Energy!

We get to the energetic core of an issue and we give it attention in order to evolve it. We don’t have to spend hundreds of sessions (and corresponding dollars!) talking strategies of loving partners more and ‘things to try’ to get the spark back, we just aim straight at those feelings – that ENERGY. And when we evolve the INNER, the OUTER follows. When you love and adore a partner, things like special date nights happen without effort, it’s easy to reach out and hold hands more. When you have pure hatred for them, it is a battle, an uphill one, trying to make positive feelings out of negative ones without actually working with the energy you’ve got.  UGH! I know the approach I’d like to take!

EFT Case Story – Releasing Anger

A case story using Emotional Freedom Technique to help heal feelings of anger. Contact DogRoseHealing@gmail.com to organise your own session.

 

I did a Skype session tonight with a client going through many different challenges in her life. She was wanting help with her feelings of anger in relation to several different issues that were also interlinked due to events and experiences along the way. She described her angry feeling as being hot. And heat around the chest. She rated her strength of feeling as -8 (on a scale from -10 to +10, with 0 being a neutral feeling).

We began with a round of EFT for “calm”, to de-stress the client, get us both comfortable and show her how to tap. I explained how we could go back to this at any time to release any energy stress that might arise.

We then tapped for “This heat in my chest”. My client described that the heat had reduced, it was much cooler. She felt energy flow, a “buzzing feeling”. She said the feeling in her chest felt like it had a fuzzy outline.

My client is intuitive and was definite on what she was feeling. She decided she wanted to tap for the emotion that she knows the physical feeling as. We tapped for “The anger”. After this she said she felt a lot calmer. She would rate the feeling -2 or -3.

As the anger was still there, we tapped again for “The anger”. She felt that she would rate the anger at 0 now. I explained how with Energy EFT the point of zero is the point where we can tap for positive feelings – how we desire to feel instead. My client decided that she wanted to tap for closure.

We tapped for “Closure”. During this round, she was reminded of a guided meditation that she had done last night. She had been met in this meditation environment by her deceased brother. The version of herself in the meditation pushed him away, as she was too upset by his presence. I felt that this was something that presented itself as needing some attention before closure was possible. She recognised that there was sadness from his passing that she hadn’t dealt with yet. She hadn’t known what to do with it.

We decided to tap for “Sadness”. It was understandably emotional for my client – one challenging aspect of Skype as I am just on the screen, as are they, and I can’t give a hug, just be reassuring as best as I can be with words. After this round she recognised that there was no sadness there anymore. She also felt that her response to him in a meditation would change if she was to do it again. Through this round she was reminded that she didn’t get to say goodbye, as his passing was sudden.

My client wanted to tap for “Calm” before going on at this point. We tapped for this together. She described a letting go feeling after this.

We then tapped for “Didn’t get to say goodbye”. My client felt this was much needed, and that it was like a release for her. I asked about the anger and she said it still felt like it was there, but that it was directed in a different direction now. Also related to her brother and what he had left behind.

We tapped for “The anger”. After this she felt less anger and it was hard to think about. The concept of anger changed during the tapping and the word “misunderstood” came to mind. Related to her brother but also related to her husband. That her husband misunderstood her at the time of her brother’s death.

Here we tapped for “Misunderstood”. And what came to mind was a wound. She was wounded by his reaction, his reaction to her own. This wound is what remains.

We tapped for “The wound”. There was a good and light feeling here as we tapped. She felt that she could see it more as a miscommunication between her husband and her, rather than an insult or a hurt. She felt this was feeling more neutral and there wasn’t anything remaining that was troubling her.

As we were at a neutral feeling again she felt that we could tap for affirmations here, that there was nothing negative left to shift. We tapped for “At peace”. She said she felt more positive, lighter. I was struck how the choice of words covered both the concept of relationship tension being resolved, as well as the concept of someone’s memory being laid to rest.

Our final round was for “Free”. My client described a very light feeling in herself. She described that she felt that she now understood things much more clearly where before the intermingled issues were too overwhelming, and she wasn’t sure what to do about them. She said she is feeling more positive about everything.

I thought she did remarkably well facing these things that presented themselves and letting go of what she needed to along the way. She described her feeling at the end as +7. I’m very happy with this outcome and seeing her smiling face before we disconnected.

Another Stressor Given Attention

Is that a boring enough title? Because another top contributor of stress in a family on the list I am working through is: Sex life of the alpha couple. Dun dun duhhhhh! 😉

While this is a personal subject matter, my clients get pretty personal with me and I’m not afraid to share. Sex it’s a natural part of life and a natural part of a healthy adult relationship and an important topic of healing. The energetic/emotional components should be given attention when things just aren’t working and are so often forgotten or ignored. Libido isn’t just about the sex organs or using willpower or schedules to make it happen. We’re not robots. The usual options when couples aren’t connecting in the bedroom seem to be to force it and fake it or to avoid it completely. I choose neither! I’ve tried and failed with those options. I choose to improve energy flow in relation to sex and remove anything that might be preventing swinging-from-the-chandelier, firework inducing, amazing, fun, <insert adjective of your choice here> sex!

So I read out this entry on the stressor list to my husband. He said even the words (“Sex life of the alpha couple”) got him excited. So I suspect his energy is flowing just fine! To me even reading the entry on the list filled me with.. a feeling. A feeling of wanting to be protected. This wasn’t exactly a surprise to me but the clarity of seeing this was intriguing. I was ready to look into it further.

So the way I approached this was with a variation on the energy habitats I’ve been talking about. I simply wondered what a visual representation of the issues with our sex life would be, with the intention of being shown them, and BANG, there it was: We were sitting on the couch at opposite ends facing each other and I ‘saw’ a thick piece of glass or clear plastic between his ‘aspect’ and my ‘aspect’. I wasn’t sure why this was here or how to shift it but it wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry. I told my husband about the glass and he scurried off to find an energetic blowtorch somewhere. Just kidding. This was my glass to sort out. 🙂

Even through the day as I got side tracked and did other things I still saw that glass following me around and sitting between my husband and I. I actually kind of liked it there (anyone who has had their heart broken before will understand this) but I knew it needed to go if things were to change in that department. My relationship with this glass went in stages over the day:

  • First it was just there and the aspect was hanging back and looking at it. Observing.
  • Then I felt the aspect had their nose pressed up against it looking through at my husband’s aspect. I knew it had to go and was more confident in allowing it to happen.
  • The aspect had their hands up on it. They wanted to get through it. And it felt like the warmth of their hands and intention of shifting it was melting and thinning out the glass.

Oh so slowly though. Painfully slowly. But at last the glass was gone!

When I then reconsidered the “Sex life of the alpha couple” entry, my aspect had her hands firmly over her heart now. As though her heart was exposed and raw and needed shielding and protection. She was NOT letting anyone in. Even the thought of considering releasing this protection made me feel upset. It was obvious to me that a big issue here was willingness to be open and to allow my partner in and I wasn’t able to do that with this protection in place.

The thought of the aspect letting her hands down filled her/me with fear and dread. So I took a good look at what doing that would mean. It might mean that I would get hurt. It might mean that I would be exposed to whatever my partner decided to inflict upon me. Yet I had to wonder, did I not trust my partner? I knew that I did. I knew that I loved him and that he was a gentle and kind person – that it was more of a perceived fear. Of what could happen. Stuck in what had happened before and the possibility of it happening again. But who wants to live trapped by coulds?

So I used EFT here and tapped away the fear and also tapped to improve my trust in his gentle caretaking of my heart, and also in my being open from the heart. Allowing him in. Allowing love in. I felt a warm rush to the heart after this, and my whole body felt buzzy and alive. This feeling (called a Healing Event) is why I love energy work. A natural high.. and it was completely free. I also love the ability to take charge of my life and not be a victim to past hurts forever and ever, potentially missing out on the parts that would never have hurt me anyway.

Not only was there a shift relating to my husband, making changes relating to openness and trust had everything feel as though it was softened and I felt more compassionate and gentle towards everyone in my family.

Now we just have to wait until my husband gets over his cold… Hmm, energetic reversal on his part perhaps?? 🙂

Butting Heads in Marriage

I dedicated myself to going through a list of the top causes of stress in a family situation. I wanted to eliminate stress as a contributor of my son’s challenging behaviour as well as make things easier on all of us. Energy stress is the root of all evil! 🙂 (no, really)

One thing on the list was: General alignment of alpha couple on common goals and values

So I didn’t make a pro and con list about this, I didn’t ponder our individual goals, I didn’t talk with my partner in depth, we just made an energy habitat each! We had thought that we were pretty much on the same page with our goals and values yet my energy body disagreed. So did his. The first thing that appeared for me was us headbutting each other! He also saw an indication of conflict.

This is one situation where I don’t know if I effectively fleshed out the habitat. But the headbutt image was so clear to me that I didn’t think it was necessary. We had also done other energy work at the same time so were already pretty well connected.

So the headbutt image was there and I did agree yes, in many ways we are butting heads with each other. The sense of conflict.

My aspect stopped and rubbed her forehead. I think she laughed because it was a ridiculous image in a way, and said “What are we doing here?? This isn’t working.” Then it seemed like we were still eyeing each other off accusingly. The feeling was as if we were mid-argument and we both wanted to ‘win’. Again it felt ridiculous.

I said “We don’t need to fight. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s also okay to work together.”  (I’m not sure if I said this out loud or not) Honestly what are we doing by focusing our energies on going head to head and disagreement instead of working together? Being right and winning seems like a waste of energy when you are a team.

‘Scene by scene’ the two aspects shifted from headbutting each other to standing together, hand in hand with the feeling shifting from aggressive conflict through to a sense of teamwork. When I reconsidered the topic, there was no longer anything ‘there’ that got my energetic attention, so I considered it resolved. Having these energy places for healing opportunity means that energetic shifts can occur simply and easily. Even without using EFT in the process.