EFT Case Story: Coping with lack of support

My client’s mother had moved overseas and she was feeling stuck on the issue. When she had moved away it was a very bad time for my client, a time when she very much needed support. It bothered her and upset her, yet she couldn’t just get over it or let it go. She also had had a friend recently move away which also impacted on her feeling unsupported.

We tapped for “Loneliness” first, as this was the most obvious feeling that she was experiencing.

What presented next was “Distance” as she was feeling a world away.

She then felt that she was being silly about it all. She talked about wanting to be more positive and patient instead of yelling and being hard on her kids. We tapped for “Silly“.

The feeling then was a sense of emptiness, which we tapped for. During this round she found that she was focused on the windchimes outside instead, that it had allowed her to take in more of the bigger picture and things going on around her. She felt that she was more accepting of her mother and her life and her happiness.

We tapped for “Accepting” and she saw a visual image of herself smiling, from ear to ear. She saw herself as confident and happy and it was empowering as she was happy and on her own.

We tapped for “Content and happy” and after this she described a feeling of bliss, allowing herself to be happy and accepting of life around her.

If you’d like to arrange your own session, email me at info’at’dogrosehealing.com to book!

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EFT Case Story – Recognising Support From Her Mum

My client has had ongoing tension in relation to her Mother. The most common frustration being that when they speak on the phone that her Mother dismisses her sadness or current problems and highlights her OWN frustrations and difficulties in life. There is always someone else that has it worse, and her problems are therefore dismissed. My client is also my friend and it has been hard to watch her go through this and be the better person and just listen to her Mum, but simultaneously feel as though she is unsupported and unheard and unvalued.

I explained how all relationships are a reflection of the energy between us and something else, and that tools such as EFT are highly effective to evolve them beyond their current state.

We tapped for “Calm” to de-stress her energy system first before considering the issue with her Mum and talking about that.

She considered her strength of feeling to be -6 on the SUE scale to begin with, from -10 to +10. The most noticeable emotion that she was feeling was “Frustrated” and this is what she tapped for. The feeling of frustration was reduced and the strength of feeling now was at -3.

She was reminded of situations, aside from the phone calls, where her Mother had put her feelings aside for favour of her own. She had felt that from quite a young age. So she tapped for “Selfish”, which brought her to -1, and then “Not listening”.

At this point my client started thinking about an issue with her son instead! She said that she wasn’t worried about this anymore. Which is a great indication that we are at a neutral state and can begin energising with positive statements. I asked her how she wanted to feel in the relationship with her Mum. She said she wanted to feel “Comforted”. She tapped for this and was then at +2. Then “Supported” which brought her to +4.

She was reminded of a situation years before where someone had been demanding of her time and had pushed her to hurry up when she knew it wasn’t possible or practical. Her Mum was a witness to this and had taken her aside and told her not to worry, that “I will stand up for you, it’s okay”. Which was a significant moment in demonstrating just how supportive and comforting that her Mum could be.

Finally she tapped for “Loved”. She then felt that the strength of feeling about her relationship with her Mum was +9!

As her friend and half of her ‘EFTeam’, I am delighted to have been part of this transformation and cannot wait to see how things progress and improve between her and her Mum.

Mother Duck Gets Honest

The main source of frustration in my life is my children. My children are constantly fighting and playing up and acting bored really, I am permanently at the point of “Over it” lately, even if I start the day with great intentions and a positive spring in my step. I had had physical steps in place to handle things and felt like things were okay.

Until… I saw this on Facebook.

I had a really strong reaction to it. I saw the very sad mother duck, crying herself to sleep while she is cold, her ducklings warm under her feathers, ripped from her body. I was wondering if mother duck would get to sleep, would get to feel comfortable. And she would then need to wake and be on mother duck duty the following day, exhausted and featherless.

And the quote about pie – has this family never heard of sharing?! Why should a mother be someone who denies their own needs and puts themselves last?

Both the words and image together made me quite annoyed. I’m a mother but I never signed up to put my needs last. I never signed up to suffer in silence or go hungry or cold. And many other mums I asked about this agreed with me, but still I wondered why this had ticked me off so much. Things that tick me off (and probably you too!), getting a strong reaction, are reversals. Energy zzts that have got hit in the process of seeing, thinking or feeling something. Nerves that have been touched. So there was something there, but I didn’t know what.

I also felt very strongly I did not want to put the kids first. But that maybe I should want to, (“if I was a good mother”) and I didn’t. Why didn’t I want to?

I had taught my husband Project Sanctuary and how to create energy habitats for specific issues, so ‘for fun’ (my poor, suffering, husband) created me a habitat specific to this issue. Something that would help me understand what was going on in terms of the reversal.

He ‘saw’ a pre-school or kinder type of environment and felt that I was one of the kids. That the issue relates to something that happened when I was a kid.

I thought about that more, didn’t come up with anything immediately, so used good old energy to help me. I did forensic EFT to drill down on what might have happened. I was faced with a situation where a pre-school teacher had asked me to go away, to go and play something, when I had been trailing her and following her around. I recalled a guitar, and felt that it had been music time and then free play and I hadn’t gone off to free play. So I got told to go off. I felt hurt, rejected, abandoned. I tapped on those things for that pre-schooler me and wondered if that was it, but got busy and didn’t get to place attention on it.

A few days later I was sitting in the bathroom while my kids were in the bath, my husband with me. He looked worn out and a bit stressed. I suggested EFT, even offered to tap him and he said no, he just didn’t feel like it. The kids were too loud, he couldn’t focus.

After the bath I had dressed my daughter and we were talking about her skin that has a lot of marks and sores on it. We had applied the usual cream but the redness was persisting. It is a bad time of year for dry skin and irritation but this seemed worse than usual. She said all the sores and red marks were because she had scratched it with her long nails. I trimmed her nails and asked her what she felt when she was itchy, what it reminded her of. She said she felt sad and it reminded her of me going away, when she was asleep and when I was going out with friends without her. She also seems to itch a lot more when she is in her bed or when she is in trouble. (incidentally, base chakra = skin and base chakra also = mother relationship, and itchy = irritated..) So we tapped for her itchy skin after talking about it. Just one round. And then she sighed and said “I don’t want to do this anymore” and went off to play.

It’s silly but it really hit me hard and I got upset. If I couldn’t get my husband or my daughter to tap with me, what hope did I have of getting anyone else to want to? How was I meant to help and be useful? And I tapped for that and recognised that my daughter was in a similar situation, with me not giving her interests a lot of attention either.

Silvia Hartmann has written an entire program (for dog training nonetheless but the approach translates to parenting) whereby the most important element to having a positive relationship as well as reducing issues is ATTENTION ENERGY. Giving attention and giving love with that attention. I hadn’t been doing a lot of that. In fact the main time that I gave attention was when I was in the role of helper/healer. What if my kids were perfectly fine and didn’t need help? Could I still give them attention? I didn’t want to manifest them having problems by focusing on it, what was I doing here?!

So more tapping. More rejection, abandonment, feeling like an annoyance just for being who I am, more sense of respect and love for the individual journeys we’re on, including our individual interests and passions, more love all round. Significant energy shifts here and feeling a zillion times better.

As I put my daughter to bed that night, I said “If I ever made you feel rejected or unloved because I said no to playing with you or did my own thing, I’m really sorry about that. I love you very much.”.

She said “Yes you did”. (not a surprise, but sad acceptance nonetheless) I asked her what we might do to help that, for her to feel better. She asked me to make a suggestion, so I said “More time with just Charlotte and mum for playing?” and she agreed to this. I was then thinking about the flow of our usual day and asked her when she might like to do that. She said “All the time!”. I laughed and said “Well mum does need some time to do her own thing too”. And she said “You get to do that when I’m in bed.”

BAM! There it is.

And she is so right. It really hit me to hear that from her, but she was right and I couldn’t deny it. They sleep 12 hours overnight, giving me approximately 3 hours of Me Time every night including whatever else I do through the day while they are awake. I thought about the things that I did on a daily basis and recognised that the majority of things I was doing WERE for me. I had really got away with being a pretty selfish Mrs Duck, and my ducklings were the ones who were being put last.

So it comes as no surprise, in hindsight, that that image on Facebook created a reaction in me. Deep down I knew what was going on, but I didn’t make the appropriate connections, or just didn’t want to own up to them.

This also is further unfolding of other challenges I have felt or experienced with my children. Will shifting that sense of abandonment and rejection make the difference? I know what I need to do in practical terms, it’s just flowing with that and softening any resistance as it presents.

What kind of Mother Duck are you and how do you give attention energy to your ducklings?

EFT Case Story – Anxiety after a car accident

This is one of my favourite Emotional Freedom Technique case stories so far. I feel blessed and to have helped this client to let go of an issue that she was plagued with for over a decade – in just seven rounds of tapping. And we never even met! We conducted our sessions via email communications.

My client described anxiety that she experienced when she was a passenger in a car, ever since she was involved in a car accident. She had previously seen a psychologist to assist, but the issue remained. She felt ready to get to the bottom of her issue and decided to try Emotional Freedom Technique with me.

I firstly asked for her to describe the accident and her feelings as a passenger now. She described not just one, but five car accidents since 1995. She felt that the bulk of the issues she experienced now stemmed from the first accident: A head-on collision at low speed with her mother as the other driver. She said: “It is hard to get pissed off with the other driver about what they’ve done to you when it is your own mum.”

As a passenger she is instantly tense in the car. She said she tries to do deep breathing, and tries not to think about the fact that she is a passenger. She closes her eyes so she can’t see what’s going on around her, but it tends to make her even more anxious. She says she is constantly telling her husband to slow down and watch out and says it is “driving him insane”. She feels sick with worry. Just wants to get to wherever she’s going, as quickly as they can, so she can get out of the car. She said “The last time I was in the car, I got so tense that I was in so much pain in my lower back from tensing up so much.”

She rates it on the SUE scale as -10. “It is by far the worst it has ever been. I think we can safely say I’ve hit rock bottom for this problem”.

I began by explaining the concept of EFT and describing the Heart & Soul protocol for her to use throughout the treatment for this issue. I suggested she tap on “Calm” as I taught her the protocol and simultaneously de-stressed the energy system.

From there I asked her to consider the initial accident and we were able to break it down to the moment of collision and the associated feelings and thoughts. The feeling that stood out for me was “I felt sick”, so we tapped on this. There was also anger towards her mother and I suggested tapping for that anger.

When reconsidering how she feels about being a passenger in a car now, she said that she still felt at -10 on the SUE scale. There had been no change.

I suggested that we could use the Aspect Model, in case the situation was too emotionally confronting, which has the client considering the girl in the car accident as a separate version of herself. I suggested considering this girl and what she was going through.

She tapped for:

“The aspect was angry”  (still at -10 after this)

“The aspect felt helpless” (still at -10 after this)

I wondered about the uniqueness of the situation and how it meant that she couldn’t get angry and couldn’t get upset, really couldn’t express any feelings about the car accident at all, lest she create more guilt in an already guilty mother. Since her mum may have been her usual emotional support, she would doubly be unable to express how she felt – she was therefore stuck to deal with this issue on her own.

So I suggested that she tap for:

“The aspect that feels she can’t express her feelings”

(suddenly she is now at -2 on the SUE scale!)

While tapping for this, the client described a very strong emotional release. While tapping she ‘saw’ two versions of her mum: the one that hit her (“faceless and emotionless”) and “my mum who was there for me. She wasn’t the driver of the car, just my mum”. She said she was bawling her eyes out after this round, which I felt was a VERY important and positive step forward.

The following day she was a passenger in the car and reported back to me that she was “way less stressed”. She described that she still has a slight panic when she sees brake lights ahead and her husband doesn’t slow down straight away, but overall feels much better.

I asked about this remaining feeling and what comes to mind/feeling when this happens. She responded: “I am worried we won’t stop in time and we will hit the other car. I get quite tense and feel it in my back. I also tend to “brake” myself….I swear I’ll put my foot thru the floor one day!!!” I also asked about the first accident again and what remains there. She explained: “I still feel helpless. Seeing her coming at me and not being able to do anything.”

I suggested that we tap for “The aspect that felt helpless” firstly, and wait until after this round to reconsider the braking issue as I felt that there was probably some overlap: In both situations she was helpless and the current feeling as a passenger may have been an ‘echo’ of the original car accident. My client found herself get sleepy through those rounds and found it hard to focus.

A few weeks later I got an excited email from the client. She described how she was a passenger in a car for a period of 4 hours. She said she felt calm in the car 95% of the trip aside from two moments of anxiousness which she felt were justified: a near miss where a car swerved into their lane, and while having an argument with her husband.

She said “Things are so much better!!! I swear after the night of seeing the two images of mum, it made such a massive change. Thank you!!!!”

My client describes herself as at +8 now on the SUE scale. She has had one appointment with a counsellor for this issue and is considering ceasing the appointments as she is feeling fine. “Thinking back to the accident, I am quite calm about it all. ”

I am thrilled for my client to no longer be being crippled by her anxiety, and also now experiencing emotional freedom from the pain of an accident that occurred so long ago.

Between Mother and Child

I see a cane basket with a white blanket within it. Laying in this cane basket is a chubby little pink-skinned baby. She is fair, not much hair but what is there is light coloured. She is outside under trees. Palm trees. The basket rests on a grassy area, from which you can see the ocean 100 metres away.

The sun is out today but here under trees it produces a gentle warmth, and there is a soft breeze blowing. Waves are crashing onto the sand in a regular rhythm. The occasional seagull squawks as it passes.

I see billowing white fabric and a woman appears in the scene who has a flowing white dress on and at least one silver bracelet on her left arm. It is plain but has detailing like loops in the bracelet.

I see her arms reaching out and she picks up this baby. I’ve no doubt she is the mother, I see that there is a mother-child bond between them. I know that they have chosen each other. The baby is content and is happy to be held and they are both bright, light and enthusiastic about each others company. The mother has a big smile on her face.

She carries her baby over to a blue and white hammock suspended between two palm trees. Carefully she sits down on the hammock and then lays down with her baby in her arms. The hammock swings slowly in the gentle breeze and after awhile, the baby falls asleep. Her breathing heavy and her body relaxed in her mothers arms.

While the baby is sleeping the mother soaks in the beauty of this little being and marvels at her plump lips and her smooth skin and the curve of her eyelashes. The breeze moves the thin hairs on her head a little. For this woman, nothing else matters at this moment and time seems to stand still. Her heart is so full with love for this little being.

With a deep breath, she closes her own eyes and soon they are asleep together, hearts in sync, swaying in the breeze, nothing else mattering.