Resolving the Inner Fight

When Wanting Something Isn’t Enough

A friend confided that she wanted to give herself more of her time and energy. She said she wished she could put as much effort into loving herself as she does in caring for other people (such as friends and family). She said she tried to tell herself to give herself 30 minutes a day of time just for her: time on her own, doing nice things for her such as making nice foods, spending time doing hair or makeup, but she said she couldn’t even manage that.

What’s Going On Here?

My feeling is that this woman is battling with an aspect that is refusing to treat herself kindly. The phrase “tried to tell myself” is a clue that there is an aspect issue at play here. One part of her is telling another part of her what to do – and it isn’t working.

What’s An Aspect?

An aspect is a version of one’s self that is not who that person is in this present moment in time; so a version of a person that existed (even for a millisecond) in the past or is even yet to exist. Person X might be sitting comfortably on a couch, yet there is an aspect of that person who is still on a plane trip taken 10 years before, which hit turbulence and contributed to them thinking that they were about to die. As much as Person X wants to travel the world and see the sights, the “OMG I’m going to die!” aspect says “No. freaking. way. am I ever getting on a plane again”. The here and now Person X knows that they survived and that chances of dying in a plane crash are slim, but try as they might, the aspect won’t be convinced.

My friend is doing something similar. There is an aspect of her that really dislikes the idea of pampering herself and giving herself the luxury of time and attention. I can assume that it may go back to an event or belief that has my friend thinking she is undeserving, perhaps that she’s unworthy of good things, perhaps that something bad happened when she was focused upon herself once (or twice or three times), and ever since then she has vowed to never put herself first again.

ANYTHING where you feel that you are fighting with yourself and throwing willpower/motivations/rewards/logical reasons at it is getting you nowhere, you probably really are: You’re probably fighting with an aspect of yourself. Time to sort out the argument once and for all and have things flow much easier and peacefully. And wow, you might literally achieve inner peace by negotiating a fight within yourself to a place of resolution. Want to know how?

Tapping To Rescue The Aspect

The experiences and beliefs that lead to these resistances are very different for each of us, which is why EFT is best tailored to the individual.. BUT! Below are some tap-along scripts for anyone struggling through the same issues and wanting relief. You may notice an energetic shift with only one or a few of these and are welcome to adapt them to suit what you’re needing. If you don’t know how to tap, my video will show you and you can tap for the below phrases along with the video. Ponder your issue, and the aspect that’s struggling, and tap:

  • “The aspect believes she/he/I is undeserving of this”
  • “The aspect hates me”
  • “The aspect believes they will come to harm if I do this”
  • “The aspect believes I am better off remaining as I am”
  • “The aspect is really scared and nervous”
  • “The aspect worries what other people will think of them or say about them”
  • “The aspect really doesn’t want to change”

Once you feel beyond these negative issues (when the aspect’s compulsion feels less severe) you could also tap for the aspect in a positive manner, considering the issue that the aspect has and what they might need:

  • “The aspect needs courage”
  • “The aspect is well/healthy/okay/fine/happy/alive/loved/safe” (a little ‘choose your own tapping adventure’ here.. 😉 )
  • “The aspect is ready to feel better”
  • “The aspect is open to change”
  • “The aspect is letting go of hurts of the past”
  • “The aspect is AWESOME!”

The concept of treating the aspect is much easier to understand and put into practice with a real life example, so GO FOR IT and see what aspects you can help today. If these suggestions for tapping aren’t helping, then contact me (or another EFT practitioner) to help you!

Filling In The Gaps

I’ve had some questions asked about energy habitats. Some are finding it difficult to see or experience them, or make the leap from a question to a habitat.

We’re all different in the way that we experience the world. Some of us are more visual and we can easily visualise things. When someone tells us a name or a word that we want to remember we might see the letters in our mind’s eye. For some of us our hearing is our primary way of absorbing the world and we notice details in tone and pitch that others might not. Then some of us feel responses in our bodies and when we remember something we remember a feeling, more than what we saw or heard. There is also sense of smell and touch of course. You may be a combination of these things or very strong in one area. Regardless, you can still create energy habitats!

When we set out with our intention to create a world, we don’t need to be able to see or visualise the entire picture from the outset. We just start with a basic sense of what is there and then expand upon it. It is as if we see one thing through a telescope and then absorb the rest of the area as we go.

Let’s do it step by step:

0. Relax. Before anything, this is an important step. You’re not going to get very far if you are stressed and scattered. It is hard to notice subtleties in this state or be able to focus on one thing clearly. Find a space where you know you’re unlikely to be disturbed, have a drink of water, get comfortable, relax your body and take several deep breaths. You may also want to do a 2 minute de-stress: Do a round of EFT using a word such as ‘Calm’ or ‘Peace’ on each tapping point.

1. Begin with a question or an intention you have of your energy mind and state clearly what you need help with. Such as: “Dear Energy Mind, please give me something to help me with my marriage”, or “Dear Energy Mind, can you show me something that will help me understand how to relate to the children that I teach?”. Speak this aloud or even write it on paper for increased focus if you’re starting out. If your request is vague, your response is likely to be vague too. So relax, state your intention, close your eyes, breathe and wait for what comes. The response is coming from your energy mind and nothing to be afraid of. You are safe, it’s only energy. ❤

2. See what comes. Is there a feeling, a vision of an object, something you can see that is happening, a thought in your mind, or are you reminded of a scent? If it’s unclear, ask for it to be shown or felt more clearly. What comes to you is your way into your habitat. The key, so to speak. The first step of a process of unfolding.

3. Fill in the gaps. With this beginning feeling/image/scent/sound, hold onto that and ask some questions. For example: “What time of day is it?” Intuitively you are going to know the answers. Even if you know what it is not more than what it is. Asking questions to narrow down the ‘nots’ is fine. Is it night time? Is it midday? Is it morning? One of those options will feel right for this intention and question you gave your energy mind. These questions and understandings make the habitat more visible and you are fully engaging the energy mind for use. The common questions I ask:

  • What time of day is it?
  • What is the weather like? (temperature, light levels, wind, precipitation)
  • Is there any vegetation here?
  • Are there any buildings here?
  • Are there any people here?
  • Are there any objects here?

4. Put yourself in the picture. With step 3 having expanded a feeling or thing into a place, you can place yourself there. Maybe you are just how you are right now or maybe you are different (older, younger, bigger, smaller, animal, alien life form, magical creature), it’s all good! What’s happening with this person who is an aspect of you? Watch how they interact with the environment and what they are drawn to. What do they want to do?

Photo by Sarah Jean

5. Rescue them if needed. Your person may find themselves in a situation that they aren’t sure how to deal with. As this world is an energetic world, the possibilities and solutions are not as they are in the physical world. You can use magic, call in guides, angels, friends, creatures, dragons. You can fly and move through objects. In more ‘real world’ terms, you can use EFT. Your person might lose the plot along the way and need emotional support. At any given moment you can stop, tap for whatever that aspect of you needs (ie. ‘fear’, ‘lost’, ‘alone’), and then jump back in from where you were. What helps your aspect is going to help you too.

6. Keep going. Keep exploring and allow the habitat to unfold. In terms of creating habitats for myself for self-healing purposes, I aim to go until I reach a point where I experience a Healing Event. Whereby my original issue has faded, and I can feel improved energy flow on the positive end of the scale (from -10 to +10). You could go until your aspect has reached a point where they are free and happy and peaceful. Keep going in the sense of trying habitats for exploring anything and everything too. Create them for the serious stuff like self-help, but also create some just for pleasure and relaxation and fun. Whatever you are feeling you need most. You can return to the same habitat again and again or you can create a new one each time.  Your same habitat could go on for months or years. There are very little limits.

Outside of habitat creation, you can practice awareness in your day to day life which will enhance your ability within habitat creation. In any situation as you move through the day, try to notice your senses. What can I smell right now? What do I hear? What do I feel in my body?

I’d love to hear from you and your experiences in learning how to create energy habitats. ❤ Which way do you experience the world primarily? Are you able to create a habitat? Let’s talk about it.

Affirmations, Words… and Energy System Reversals

How do affirmations work? What about vision boards? Do they really shape our lives? How do they do this? Do the words and the pictures affect change on an energetic level?


I have been doing a lot of thinking about these things lately. The concept being that if we affirm something to ourselves that it will come true, manifest, eventuate, appear. Vision boards are a method of outlining our vision for the year or for a project or our lives in general. It can also be inspirational words or images collected on a board together.

I recently read about a study whereby 83 participants were split into three groups and stress levels (cortisol – aka the stress hormone – levels) were tested before and after one hour-long session of: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or talk therapy. The third group were the control and received no treatment.

The EFT group had a 24% drop in cortisol levels while the other two groups showed no real change. The EFT group also showed reduced psychological symptoms, including anxiety, depression, as measured by a standard psychological assessment tool.

So it seems that the experience had an impact when the energy system was involved (the EFT group), yet talking about the problems had no impact. And doing nothing had the same impact as talk therapy.

As an energist, this is no surprise to me and I was very excited that this study may help clearly present the benefits of EFT and other energy work over (and in conjunction with) standard therapies for stress and other issues.

Since reading this, I’ve got to thinking about affirmations and how they are on par with ‘talk therapy’ unless they engage the energy mind while being used. They are just words. And they are words which carry their own meanings, which may complicate the message of the affirmation.

Take the word ‘change’ and consider what that word means to you. Some might say: scary, different, hard, challenging, while others may say: exciting, new, thrilling. Some might feel something caught in their throats or hearts while others feel buzzing and alive with enthusiasm.

To read an affirmation and expect the same response by all who read it is unrealistic.

And what happens if we read something like: I am open to change in my life!  If we are Person A who finds ‘change’ to mean something difficult, I believe saying this affirmation would present us with an inner conflict. In saying this, we would be stating that we open themselves to something difficult.

Person B could say the same thing and the energy of the words would flow right through them.

Person A has a reversal relating to change and affirming it is going to jam the communication lines in their energy system.

So my suggestion is to use EFT with affirmations, vision boards, and anything relating to your goals and projects. There are other ways to engage the energy system, but EFT is simple and easy!

If you ever feel like you’re fooling yourself when you use an affirmation.. or feel slight tension, or annoyance – use that feeling! Where is it? What does it feel like? What does it remind you of? Whatever you notice, do a round or two of EFT for it (examples might be ‘tension in my chest’, ‘anger’, ‘feeling not good enough’). Use my video here if you wish, to tap along to, using your own phrase that your body has offered you –

Try the affirmation again. How does it feel now? Is there still a resistance? Where is it and what does it feel like or remind you of? How strong is it? Again use EFT to help you through the feeling.

You may need to do this many times, but noticing how it shifts and what presents to you is a significant step forward compared to trying to jam a square peg (affirmation) into a round hole (an energy body which has a reversal relating to it).

Once you have feeling free flowing energy relating to that affirmation, continuing to use EFT for it is going to further enhance the feeling of it beyond your expectations. Your energy body will be imprinted with this affirmation on a deeper level than just reading the words.

Love, light and courage as you look within. ♥

Where Do I Feel This Problem In My Body?

I recently did an exercise for something that I was hesitant about due to fear. I knew the fear was there but of course telling myself to not be afraid was doing ab-so-lute-ly NOTHING. (surprised? I’m not! My energy body says “I need more information please! Why should I stop being scared!? Nope, not gonna stop until I believe it’s okay!”). I will honestly explain that the fear related to sex with my husband and fearing being vulnerable, which I had recognised as a problem in general, not specifically to him. I feared being vulnerable around others also. So I asked my (very very patient, caring and open-minded) husband to play a bit of a game with me and come up with scenarios relating to the fears and then I would gauge my responses on those scenarios as information to use in conjunction with energy work. Energy work is somewhat of a heart to heart connection with the energy body to shift the underlying issue.

I don’t need to tell you what the scenarios were (I’m sure you can imagine.. things like “So I have my <insert body part> and it is <insert location of body part>” and “What if you were <insert position> and I was <insert position/action>” – Hmm lots of inserting there…. ;)), but my husband posed many of them. This was pretty funny at times and confronting at others, but it’s only energy of course! For each of the scenarios I asked myself:

Where do I feel this in my body?

I was looking for any resistance, any tension, anything blocking energy flow. And for almost every single one, I felt it in my stomach. A ball that felt like a knot just sitting there quite heavily. I hadn’t noticed this before and was glad to be giving it attention now. It is never too late, you see. We are never stuck with our fears, burdens, issues, discomforts. I don’t believe in “That’s just how I am” when it comes to negative stuff, such as inability to relax and enjoy sex, but also in things like attitude, beliefs and behaviours. Anyway – as the exercise went on, I did notice that the ball got smaller in size and lessened in weight, but it still made its presence known.


I gave some focused attention to that ball and used EFT for it (Energy EFT to be precise, this is an application of the Body Protocol which you can learn more about in Dr Silvia Hartmann’s amazing book ‘Energy EFT’ –

I had my partner propose scenarios to me again. Again I asked:

Where do I feel this in my body?

and I noticed that a response in my body had moved down and felt like it was now in my ovaries. Shining and pulsing. Interesting feeling! I should explain that you could do this exercise solo but having a partner is helpful in situations which relate to unexpected or unplanned things and investigating your natural response. I could create scenarios in my mind but I might choose ‘safer’ scenarios inadvertently. You could also help your partner in return for something they are fearing (or dreading, or worrying about) and both benefit. I did this for my husband, also related to sex.

So I tapped for the feeling in the ovaries next. Aiming to improve energy flow and allowing for the energy in response to the situation to just flow through me instead of getting stuck along the way.

My husband retried the scenarios. I listened with my conscious mind (which made me laugh and giggle) as well as my energy mind:

Where do I feel this in my body?

My energy felt stuck again and I felt as though my energy wanted to flow down and come out between my legs but was stuck there and not releasing. So I tapped for this feeling at my vagina and could feel energy flow improve significantly while I did the tapping! Amazing feeling! I was excited for this to shift so obviously.

I asked my husband to test the scenarios again and there was no stuck feeling at all, just good energy flow. Woo hoo!

So later I decided to test this situation in reality. 😉 And I felt no fear. Nothing holding me back or occupying my thoughts or keeping me from enjoying the moment. I felt freedom and it was as if I had never had this problem. Although in reality I knew that this problem had been plaguing me for some time. After the event I am feeling even more freedom now – I faced the situation and clearly survived and I feel great! I’m so up for more testing! 🙂

So aside from sex, you can try this exercise on anything. Some examples:

* I am about to take a plane trip and the thought fills me with dread – Where? In your stomach? In your chest? Tap for “This feeling in my stomach” or “This heaviness in my chest”.

* It is late evening and I am heading to the pantry with the intention of eating a block of chocolate/heading to the fridge for a second bottle of wine that I know I don’t really want. Stop and feel what is going on in your body. Where’s the feeling? What does it feel like? Now tap for it “This ache in my _____”, “This _____ I feel in my hands”.

* I dream of being a physiotherapist/astronaut/accountant/hairdresser/world famous cyclist but when I consider how I might begin to get to that point I start to feel panicky. Where’s the feeling? Is it pressure in your head? Tingling in your feet? Tap for it. “These prickles on my ____ “, “This pain in my ____”.

And if it’s something you feel in your entire body, then use it too. Just craft your statement to match your feeling. Shift the heaviness, tension, discomfort. Then look again and see where it is. Maybe it’s more specific now, maybe it’s smaller. If it’s still there, use it.

Your body is giving you these clues with love. Listen, feel and take positive action. ❤