When Wanting Something Isn’t Enough
A friend confided that she wanted to give herself more of her time and energy. She said she wished she could put as much effort into loving herself as she does in caring for other people (such as friends and family). She said she tried to tell herself to give herself 30 minutes a day of time just for her: time on her own, doing nice things for her such as making nice foods, spending time doing hair or makeup, but she said she couldn’t even manage that.
What’s Going On Here?
My feeling is that this woman is battling with an aspect that is refusing to treat herself kindly. The phrase “tried to tell myself” is a clue that there is an aspect issue at play here. One part of her is telling another part of her what to do – and it isn’t working.
What’s An Aspect?
An aspect is a version of one’s self that is not who that person is in this present moment in time; so a version of a person that existed (even for a millisecond) in the past or is even yet to exist. Person X might be sitting comfortably on a couch, yet there is an aspect of that person who is still on a plane trip taken 10 years before, which hit turbulence and contributed to them thinking that they were about to die. As much as Person X wants to travel the world and see the sights, the “OMG I’m going to die!” aspect says “No. freaking. way. am I ever getting on a plane again”. The here and now Person X knows that they survived and that chances of dying in a plane crash are slim, but try as they might, the aspect won’t be convinced.
My friend is doing something similar. There is an aspect of her that really dislikes the idea of pampering herself and giving herself the luxury of time and attention. I can assume that it may go back to an event or belief that has my friend thinking she is undeserving, perhaps that she’s unworthy of good things, perhaps that something bad happened when she was focused upon herself once (or twice or three times), and ever since then she has vowed to never put herself first again.
ANYTHING where you feel that you are fighting with yourself and throwing willpower/motivations/rewards/logical reasons at it is getting you nowhere, you probably really are: You’re probably fighting with an aspect of yourself. Time to sort out the argument once and for all and have things flow much easier and peacefully. And wow, you might literally achieve inner peace by negotiating a fight within yourself to a place of resolution. Want to know how?
Tapping To Rescue The Aspect
The experiences and beliefs that lead to these resistances are very different for each of us, which is why EFT is best tailored to the individual.. BUT! Below are some tap-along scripts for anyone struggling through the same issues and wanting relief. You may notice an energetic shift with only one or a few of these and are welcome to adapt them to suit what you’re needing. If you don’t know how to tap, my video will show you and you can tap for the below phrases along with the video. Ponder your issue, and the aspect that’s struggling, and tap:
- “The aspect believes she/he/I is undeserving of this”
- “The aspect hates me”
- “The aspect believes they will come to harm if I do this”
- “The aspect believes I am better off remaining as I am”
- “The aspect is really scared and nervous”
- “The aspect worries what other people will think of them or say about them”
- “The aspect really doesn’t want to change”
Once you feel beyond these negative issues (when the aspect’s compulsion feels less severe) you could also tap for the aspect in a positive manner, considering the issue that the aspect has and what they might need:
- “The aspect needs courage”
- “The aspect is well/healthy/okay/fine/happy/alive/loved/safe” (a little ‘choose your own tapping adventure’ here.. 😉 )
- “The aspect is ready to feel better”
- “The aspect is open to change”
- “The aspect is letting go of hurts of the past”
- “The aspect is AWESOME!”
The concept of treating the aspect is much easier to understand and put into practice with a real life example, so GO FOR IT and see what aspects you can help today. If these suggestions for tapping aren’t helping, then contact me (or another EFT practitioner) to help you!