Seeking Help for the Silly Things

I know how hard it is to ask for help.

There is an element of pride which says “I should be able to handle this. Other people could handle this just fine. No one else needs help, why should I?”

There is also a question about the seriousness of those things that are troubling us. “This thing is so silly, it makes no sense. I know it shouldn’t bother me but it does. I want to stop thinking and feeling like this. I want to just snap out of this, but I can’t”.

And judgement.. “They will think I’m stupid for worrying so much about this. They will tell me my fears are ridiculous. They will laugh at me and send me away.”

The sometimes forgotten element is the energy system. That person that is coping fine with the same pressures does not have an energy system identical to one who is not. The one who is not coping has had different experiences and traumas that may mean that they are triggered by something that the coping person does not even register.

The energy system makes the irrational make sense.

Beliefs are made from energy. Beliefs bring in past experiences to interpret the present.

If a child believes that being away from their parent would result in certain death, they are going to fight tooth and nail to be with their parent at all times, even when the parent KNOWS that they are just going to the toilet/putting them in their high chair/leaving the room for a moment.

If a person believes they are a bad person, then they are going to question every compliment’s sincerity or any positive thing that enters their world.

Telling the child or the ‘bad person’ that they are being ridiculous and not seeing things right is not going to alter their beliefs or their energy system. Telling them that they just have to get over it, that they’re fine, isn’t going to reassure the part of them that disagrees vehemently!

The ‘irrational’ becomes completely rational when you look at a person as not just a brain in a body, but a human being with a physical body, an energy body and a thinking mind.

The energy body contributes to how we see and experience the world around us with our physical body, and how we interpret the things that happen to us with our brains.

Take heed of the ‘silly’ things and the ‘irrational’ reactions and get assistance with them by someone who understands the importance of them. With an energist like me or anyone that acknowledges that you are troubled by something that you can’t think or act yourself out of feeling. These things are worth the effort, and YOU are worth the effort.

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Using EFT For Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

What’s PMDD?

According to the Wikipedia entry for PMDD, it is defined as severe PMS leading up to the menstrual cycle as well as a few days after menstruation has begun.

The main emotional symptoms are listed as:

  • feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
  • feelings of intense tension or anxiety
  • increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
  • panic attacks
  • rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
  • lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
  • apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
  • difficulty concentrating
  • chronic fatigue
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
  • feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
  • increase or decrease in sex drive
  • increased need for emotional closeness

Sufferers may have many of these symptoms or one. This is an issue close to my heart as once a month my world would turn upside down. I felt like I was possessed by something I had no control of. It impacted on my husband and children and friends and family and relationships. It impacted on how I saw the world around me. It was a thick emotional filter that existed between myself and the rest of the world.

How Can PMDD Be Managed?

I had tried herbs and vitamins and breathing and journalling and was still plagued by this ‘demon’. I took the flower essence She Oak for many months, and although my cycle regulated and became much shorter (from ~45 days to ~30, an 11 day period to 7 days), I still had the severe PMS which I came to understand as PMDD.

I asked a wise woman for her advice on how to handle it emotionally/energetically. Her first suggestion was to de-stress energetically, step one for any emotional issue! However I was using EFT and de-stressing constantly through this emotional storm and feeling as though I was using a bucket with holes in it to bail out a sinking boat. I wasn’t getting anywhere fast!

Her second suggestion was to treat this PMDD part of me as a separate part of me. A part of me who is needing much support and assistance and exploding in rage and emotion once a month, perhaps because of unmet needs. If I gave attention to this aspect throughout the cycle, would ‘she’ no longer need to release fury once a month? It is called the Aspect Model in Energy EFT.

Using The Aspect Model for PMDD

So I decided to track my progress through one menstrual cycle to see what presented and what the PMDD Aspect was going through. (CD = Cycle Day)

CD 6
The PMDD aspect just wants a break, and is frantic to get all of the unfinished things done around the house so she doesn’t have to see them (and be overwhelmed at PMS time). I decided to paint my laundry, and gave objects a permanent ‘home’ that needed them. I also gave things we had no use for to my local op shop to declutter.

CD 9
The PMDD aspect wants to cry and has a heavy heart. I had noticed a tension and sensitivity in general on this day. My husband was frustrating me. I tapped for “needs to cry”. I reassessed the PMDD aspect and felt anger and tapped for “the aspect is angry”. Once the anger had been cleared I felt the PMDD aspect was confused and overwhelmed and tapped for this. When I asked her what it was that she needed, I felt that she was needing: a friend, love, support, and feels like she has none of it. My husband was distant emotionally and criticising things and it was hitting a nerve in the sense of not meeting any of the PMDD aspect’s needs. It made it more obvious to me that I needed to seek out what I needed in a positive way – for example, ask for a hug and initiating a conversation instead of getting annoyed and feeling unloved.

CD 17
The PMDD aspect is happy, just needs sleep.

CD 18
The PMDD aspect needs reassurance. I tapped for “the aspect is okay”. I was then given the impression (mental image) that the aspect could march in and take control of everything and get things tackled very quickly. As though it was an issue if things weren’t under control. I tapped for “the aspect doesn’t need to be in control to be safe”.

CD 20
The PMDD aspect is frustrated about mess with her childrens’ toys, so I decided to sit down with my children (and husband) to work out how to manage the toys and what would happen if they weren’t tidied, rather than the mess being my responsibility all the time and causing emotional stress. The PMDD aspect is relieved that there are now rules in place. The PMDD aspect is worried about the period being on its way in the next week or so. I tapped for “the aspect thinks she will lose her cool”.

CD 28
The PMDD aspect needs to have a cry, and focus her attention inward. I tapped for “The aspect wants to cry” and “the aspect wants to focus within”. I also had a bath and took time for myself and gave myself permission to focus on me and me alone.

CD 31
The PMDD aspect is highly annoyed at her husband. I tapped for “The aspect thinks her husband is useless”. (sorry honey – this process was well before we had worked through our issues with intimacy)

My period started the following day. I expected to feel far more out of control than I did at this stage. It was significant progress. I recognised each feeling as it arose and gave it the attention that it needed.

Life After PMDD?

It has been several cycles for me since then. I don’t consider myself to have PMDD anymore. There are emotions that surface prior to a period (which I still call PMS due to the timing of when they appear). However they are MUCH more subtle and I no longer feel out of control or possessed by them. I am aware of the emotions, not driven by them. These emotions are healing opportunities that I welcome – each cycle revealing different issues to give attention to and shift beyond. I use EFT for these issues as arise and still occasionally ask the PMS aspect what she needs. She is quietly content most of the time these days. 🙂

Giving ourselves (our aspects!) the opportunity to express what we need and want for balance and happiness is so important. The answers are there within us and just need to be given permission to come forward and be heard.

The Girl in the Country

This was my first experience using energy habitats with a partner.

She described the habitat as: hot, sticky, dry dirt, a smell of ‘burnt dirt’. It is Summer, midday. The aspect sees dried trees, dirt, old houses, old cars rusting out the front of houses.

She described that the aspect felt angry and we tapped for this. After this she described that she felt ‘better’. There’s no change in the environment, still dirt roads and dry dirt. The aspect feels less angry, but feels as though she is unsupported. We tapped for “the aspect feels unsupported”. She said the aspect feels ‘good’. I felt hungry for some more emotive words but carried on.

She said in terms of the environment that the sun felt hotter to the aspect, and was burning her skin. The aspect wanted to go somewhere to cool down. She decides to go to the pool in the caravan park nearby. She goes for a swim. She feels lighter, better, happy to be away from the heat and the dirt.

The aspect is then thinking about the future and what it holds. She’s thinking about herself ageing, and ageing with family. The aspect is feeling “a new feeling of abandonment when the kids leave the nest”. She decides to tap for “The aspect won’t be abandoned”. I am thrilled by this choice of words.

The aspect is sitting outside the cabin she’s staying at at the caravan park. She’s feeling “better”. She’s now looking for a job that makes her feel happy. The aspect is thinking about her strengths and wants to use them in a job. Her strengths: helping to support others, looking after children. The aspect feels like this job will help “fill in the missing pieces”. I asked the aspect what’s missing? The aspect is missing family support, comfort, to be listened to, acknowledged.

We tap for “The aspect is comforted, heard and acknowledged”. I felt this may have been too many issues for one round but the practice partner had chosen this, so I went with it. Part of her may have had enough and the prospect of tapping for three different things (my suggestion) may have seemed like too much. We are tapping to give the aspect the missing pieces, to help her feel complete.

Afterwards the aspect feels better. There is acceptance according to the aspect. She is accepting her situation. The aspect is now sitting and daydreaming and there is nothing else bothering her. This is where we ended it.

I am happy with this given it was my first experience talking another person through energy habitat work. Even though I had hoped for a more significant healing event, considering how the aspect was at the beginning and how she ended, I felt it was a positive experience.