Fear and the F-word: Failure

Fear of failure is a biggie. Big enough to put us off trying at all in the first place. Big enough to have us feeling flat and depressed-like if we believe we in fact have already failed. Big enough to put us off doing anything which challenges us. Big enough to paralyse us in our tracks.

It sounds like:

“But what if something goes wrong?”
“I’ll mess it up, I usually do”
“I’m not good enough at this”
“I’m not ready”
“I can’t do this”
“I’ll never live this down”
“I never get it right”
and things like “What’s the point?! I’ll just embarrass myself”

I’ve noticed I’ve felt it even when I was in the process of succeeding. And realised I was inadvertently searching for ways to prove that I was actually failing instead of enjoying the moment. Ironic hey?! Why do we do this to ourselves? If things stuffed up, would it be that big of a deal? Is it realistic to do everything flawlessly ALL THE TIME? Mistakes and failings are part of the process of learning, and how we recognise what not to do, or what we want to do differently next time. And there would be very few situations that we truly cannot try again. It’s clear that it’s a waste of time and energy to worry over getting something wrong without it having actually happened.

What if we had a tool that could help us with this? A tool that was virtually free, easy to use, and the process was quick and painless. A tool that could help us understand ourselves in the process. Oh that’s right, we do! The tool is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

It goes like this:

  1. Think of how badly you’re failing at something, or likely to fail at something in the future, or will fail if you try it (“so why bother”), or failed a gazillion years ago and are still kicking yourself for it.
  2. How does it make you feel? Get it in your mind and make it really clear, exaggerate the feeling if you need to so it’s crystal clear. Enact the failure in your mind if you like, including associated parties or disaster fallout evidence.
  3. If you had to rate the intensity of this feeling from -10 (intensely strong negative feeling) to +10 (intensely strong positive feeling), where 0 is neutral – what would it be? Get a number in mind or write it down.
  4. Take three deep breaths with your hands in the centre of your chest. (ps. it won’t work if you just sit back and read..) We’re now going to improve the flow of energy in relation to this failing.
  5. Tap the top of your head gently with your pointer finger. In the meantime take a deep breath and say “This failure”, “I’m a failure”, or anything else that captures how you feel (“I suck” is fine).
  6. Tap the middle of your forehead gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  7. Tap the inner edge of one eyebrow gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  8. Tap the outer side of one eye gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  9. Tap underneath one eye gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  10. Tap underneath your nose gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  11. Tap underneath your mouth gently with your pointer finger, while taking a deep breath and repeating your phrase about failing.
  12. Tap your collarbone (the angle where the collarbone meets the breastbone) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  13. Tap the side of your thumbnail (where the nailbed ends) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  14. Tap the side of your pointer finger gently with your OTHER pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  15. Tap the middle finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  16. Tap the ring finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  17. Tap the pinky finger gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  18. Tap the karate chop point (the fleshy side of the hand which would strike something in a karate chop action) gently with your pointer finger, take a deep breath and repeat your phrase about failing.
  19. Return your hands back to the centre of your chest and take three deep breaths, and a sip of water.That’s it, that is our tool and all of the actions that we need to know. Easy, right? We’re not completely done though. We have taken step one to attempt to evolve our feeling.

Now think about the failure. What’s it feel like now? Did you notice anything change through the process of the tapping about your issue? If you consider the strength of the feeling, where would it be now, from -10 to +10? Has it evolved?

Also consider if anything came to mind, such as a specific event or memory. Here might be clues relating to what has lead to the fear, or even examples of why the fear is less significant than it seems.

If you rate the issue between -10 and 0:

  • Repeat the above sequence of 19 steps, tapping for that failure, using your own descriptive phrase. If the feeling has changed, by all means change the phrasing to suit, or continue tapping for “this failure” with it in mind.
  • Reassess once finished. Has the feeling evolved, does it feel different, has the rating changed? If you are feeling neutral about the issue, follow the instructions below. If still negative, repeat again.

If you rate the issue between 0 and +10:

  • Repeat the above sequence of 19 steps
  • Tapping for that failure, using a positive phrase. How do you want to feel about that thing you originally felt you were failing with? Choose a phrase or word that makes you feel good. “Successful!”, “I’m awesome!”, “Effortlessly brilliant!”, “I can do this!” are some examples.
  • Reassess – How do you feel? How far up the scale can you go? You can do as many rounds as you like.

I hope that you followed through your feeling to the positive end of the scale, and are left feeling fantastically brilliant compared to how you began. Any evolution of your original feeling is a very GOOD thing, and the aim of EFT. If you are stuck at all, please contact me or any certified EFT practitioner in your area.

What might it feel like to not be afraid of failure? To embrace an experience for what it is, in the moment, not the outcome. To be open to seeing your successes without a cloud of fear in the way. Sounds pretty good to me.

Money And The Energy Body – Tap Along

I’ve talked about energy body stress before, and mentioned the top seven stressors in family life. One of those stressors is MONEY. Your concept and feeling towards money has an impact on your energy body and therefore a flow-on effect to those that you live with.

On my Facebook page I posed the question: “When you read the word MONEY or think about the concept of money in your life, where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like?” Consider those questions right now.

What is YOUR Feeling About Money?

Most people will have some kind of sensation in their body. If saying or reading the word MONEY doesn’t give you a positive feeling, there is room for evolution. The energy of the word should flow through you, not get stuck anywhere along the way. So if you read/say/think ‘money’ and feel a tension anywhere, let’s shift it! Emotional Freedom Technique is great for this purpose. And if you feel nothing much at all, we can improve on that too. It is a good idea for your partner or other relevant family members to do this also.

Go back to that feeling.. Where is it, how strong is it, what does it feel like?

Using myself as an example, I have a small fluttering in my solar plexus area. From that feeling, we can create a phrase to tap for. My phrase is “This fluttering in my solar plexus”. Have you got a phrase of your own? Decide on one now.

If You Feel ‘Meh’ About Money

Some may feel very ‘meh’ about money. They don’t care either way, don’t hate it, don’t love it, it just is. In Energy EFT, we consider that to be the “Zero Point of Nothing”. This used to be the goal with EFT (to get people feeling nothing vs. feeling bad), but now we aim for much more.

So for the ‘meh’ people, think about how you would like to feel about money in a positive way: Excited? Enthusiastic? A sense of freedom from any restrictions money might put upon you? Generous? Trusting? Open? Flowing? We are going to ‘inject’ a positive feeling about money with EFT.

With regards to phrasing, you could use an affirmation: “Money flows freely in my life”, “I love money”, “I am at peace with money”, “I always have enough money for what I need and more!”, whatever you choose. Or even just the word “Money!” will work. Tapping on those affirmations until you feel your energy rise and have a warm, light, positive feeling about money.

So Let’s Tap!

  • Place your hands together at in the centre of your chest and take three deep breaths, thinking about your intention to improve energy flow relating to money.
  • Using your index finger, tap the top of your head in a gentle rhythm, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap the middle of your forehead (as above), while taking a deep breath, saying your phrase on the out breath. Being aware of relaxing your body.
  • Tap the inner edge of either eyebrow, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap the outer side of one eye, at the side of your face, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap underneath one eye, on the bone, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap underneath your nose, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap underneath your mouth, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap on the under edge of your collarbone, the angle where the breastbone and the collarbone meet, while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath. Relaxing your body in the meantime.
  • Now onto the finger points.. each of these is at the side of the finger in line with the nail bed. Firstly tapping at the thumb, taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Repeat on each finger, one by one: Pointer, index, ring, pinky – for each performing the tapping while taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Tap the karate chop point now (which is the fleshy side of the hand which would strike an object if you were to do a karate chop!), taking a deep breath and saying your phrase on the out breath.
  • Return your hands together and to the centre of your chest and take three deep breaths.

Take a drink of water and move your body a little.

Reassess The Feeling

So now you’ve done a round of EFT (well done!), have a think about money again. To get a stronger sensation you could visualise your online banking screen, your purse or wallet, see yourself involved in a transaction where you are needing to pay for something, or consider the situation of your income (getting paid, not getting paid, not getting paid what you think you deserve). The stronger the emotion the easier it will be to work with here and give attention to.

What do you feel now? Has that sensation that you used for the round of tapping altered? Has it moved? Is there a different feeling elsewhere in your body? What is that feeling and what does it feel like? If it is still the same as before you can use the same phrase too, or modify it, such as “This remaining fluttering”.

For me, I feel some tension in my throat now, so I would tap for “This tension in my throat”. I can relate this to frustrations in not always having a say about money, but the beauty of EFT (and using this Body Protocol method) is that you don’t need to know what it relates to or what it means to resolve it. Follow the instructions above again, or you can tap along with me by watching my video.

Reassess Again & Repeat

What is the feeling now? Money money money! 😉 Bills coming in the mail. At the checkout at the grocery store, about to pay for your trolley load of food. Where do you feel it? Tap for that feeling in whichever way it presents. Repeat the process  until thinking about money has you feeling lighter, less weighed down.

From this point of lightness and with freedom of tension when, you can now tap as per my suggestions above to the ‘meh’ feeling people: What would you LIKE to feel about money? Carefree? Easy? Secure? You can choose an affirmation to tap for. Examples being “Money serves me well”, “I am at peace with money”, “Money does great things in my life”, “I’m not afraid of money”, “I talk about money openly”, “Money works for me!”. Choose one or more of them, whichever resonate with you, or create your own and tap to move you up the positive end of the scale. 🙂 Using these positive statements should boost your energy flow about money and give you a positive, warm, glowy feeling. This is called a Healing Event and is SUCH a good feeling.

What Now?

We have tapped for the feelings about the concept of money in general, but there may be other aspects that need attention. These are different for everyone based on our individual situations and experiences. Above all, remember that it’s ONLY ENERGY, and energy can be shifted and improved upon, no matter where or whence it came from!

Are there tensions or difficulties in relation to your career or workplace? Clashes within your family relating to division of funds and decisions to do with money? Issues when it comes to planning, budgeting or organising the money you have? Limiting beliefs in relation to how money exists in your world? eg. “People like me will never be financially comfortable”, “I don’t deserve good things”, “There’s always another unexpected expense, just when you’ve got ahead”, “Only smart people get rich”, “My Dad said I’d never be a success because I failed my high school exams”, “I’m no good with numbers”, “We just can’t get ahead”, “The Universe is against me”.

All of the above are potential places needing attention so you can move forward positively financially, even if you love and adore money. You may not get the results you are after until you do so. So in the process of your day-to-day life, notice what comes up in relation to money and give it attention. Tap for “stress” or “calm” first, and then consider the situation. Notice how it feels and where the feeling is and tap to evolve it.

And if you feel that you can’t get to the bottom of it on your own and need some suggestions in pinpointing where to focus your attention, contact a an EFT practitioner (like me!) to help you. EFT is not going to suddenly make billions of dollars fall from the sky onto your head, but it will allow you to release stress about money which can result in smarter decisions, better management of the money you have and improved ideas for increasing income – these things can of course lead to financial abundance and security.