Transforming anger into love, with the help of a cough

The cough

My daughter is coughing a lot in her bed tonight. I was enjoying myself and relaxing and now every time I hear her cough I feel like punching something. I’ve given up on the relaxing thing that I was doing because I just couldn’t relax while hearing it! And now I’m angry. And uncomfortable about feeling angry too because I know it’s not her fault. It’s totally one of those irrational things = energy reversals.

What on earth is contributing to this feeling? It’s just a cough.. An intermittent, unproductive, open mouthed “UH HAH HAH HAH” cough that is uncomfortable to hear. 😦

Now my son is still awake after being put to bed 2 hours ago after having been very badly behaved all day. Can’t a woman get a break?!? He keeps opening and closing his door with creak of the doorknob and a thud each time. He knows he’s meant to be in bed asleep but of course wants to know what’s going on with the rest of the world.

My husband is out at the gym. Half his luck!

So where do I begin?

This anger.. it’s pretty much equal with hearing the cough and hearing the door thuds.  I would say I’m either -7 or -8 on the SUE scale. I’m pissed off, so that’s what I’ll tap for – “Pissed off!“. I may or may not have thrown in an F word in there too at some point during that round.

So I can’t hear my son anymore, but my daughter is still coughing. I feel less affected, less angry. I’d say I’m around -3. I’m sad that she’s coughing and confused why, feeling helpless. I also don’t know what my son’s problem is and why he is still awake 2 hours after bedtime. I wonder if it’s related to us enforcing a nap today, since he was so crazy-naughty, and my anger is rising again. But it’s around -5 rather than where it was. And more of a frustration than an anger. A feeling like “I can’t win” (son) and “What am I meant to do?!” (daughter).

I tap for “Frustrated and helpless“. I’m probably around -1 or 0 now. Much more apathetic. I’m wondering why she is coughing and what I can possibly do about it. I get distracted looking at cough remedies and forget that I was even tapping.

The coughing has stopped, for now. But I’d like to keep going with the tapping for at least a few more rounds.

ZZzzzzzzz…

I’m falling asleep at my laptop, I’m tired from a restless night last night as well as a long day. The fact that I am still ‘on duty’ is what I keep being reminded of. I. Am. Exhausted.

How would I like to feel instead of angry? Well if I’m honest, I don’t know why I’m not listening to myself and going to bed much earlier. If I have anyone to be angry with or frustrated with, it’s myself.

I’ve been going to bed late for so long and have tried to break the habit but it hasn’t worked. I am not making time for my own needs, and then when someone needs me MORE (cough cough… cough.. cough.. creak… thud.. cough.. thud) and I already feel like I have nothing left, it triggers a response like the above.

So.. I want to tap for “I’m ready to listen to my needs“. This is now probably a +2. It feels nice, a subtle positive feeling.

Then “I meet my needs“, which didn’t feel like it was affecting any change until I reached the tapping points on my hand and it became a sense of empowerment of knowing what I need and acting on it and resulting in a more positive sense of balance. I would rate the feeling at +6 now.

I want to tap for something that cements that meeting my needs allows me to meet others’ needs, but nothing snappy came to mind. What does come to me intuitively while I’m wondering what to tap for is:

I love myself first so I have love to give others“.

I get a little teary at just how much this resonates. It is just perfect. I tap for this and I’m feeling at least +8 now. Blissfully sleepy. Ready to put myself to bed because I’m tired and I need to sleep.. and need to care for my babies tomorrow who might be more tired than usual themselves.

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Finding My Truth In The Field

It is a Spring day, around 4pm. I am standing in a large field of grass. The grass is waist height and has soft cotton tops on reeds throughout. A gentle breeze is blowing the reeds and grass and making a hush noise.

I am walking slowly through this grass. Knowing that I am safe and free. I have nowhere else that I need to be. No one is needing me to do anything for them. The world apart from this field might as well be frozen in place. I have ll the time in the world and there is no one waiting or watching. I am completely free to be me, and I feel a strength that is beginning to grow and get larger: My strength in knowing and believing that all that I am is enough, is amazing, is unique, and is special. I know that my truth is waiting for me to express it, and that I am able to let go of any fears, restrictions or hesitations.

I know that any reactions to the truth of my being belong to someone else and not me. That my job as a loving, feeling, and sensing human being is to be ME and nothing less!

I give myself permission to be the best possible me that I can be, and I allow that to shine through with peaceful radiance.

I take three deep breaths in this field. The hush of the grass soothing and supporting me through any difficulties.

A few metres away I see someone approaching. I recognise that they are a guide and they have only pure and the highest positive intentions for me. They are here just for me and offer their utmost support in my expression of truth, allowing the tattered rags that I had been hiding under to fall away. Just their presence is enough to keep me feeling energised and fearless. They share with me their thoughts and encouragement and a moment of connection. They smile and I know that I am ready.

I look up to the sky. I take in a deep, nourishing breath. I look down and I realise that I am above the field and I have wings that are keeping me in the air. My guide waves to me and I look to the horizon, and off I fly. Glistening in the afternoon sun as I head unwaveringly forward to a new life of my own.

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