EFT Case Story: Not interested in having sex and being intimate

My client explained that she was having issues with sex and intimacy with her husband. She found the thought of being intimate with him off-putting, it made her feel sick. She felt “creeped out” by it. She said it had been this way for a long time. They had children very quickly into the relationship (their first child was conceived several weeks after having first met), and she suffered with morning sickness through both of her pregnancies and also was not wanting to be intimate while she was still breastfeeding.

As her children have got older, she has realised that sex was an issue for her. She used to have a high sex drive, but now doesn’t want to do it at all. She feels like she doesn’t want to “give it to him, as he’s not earnt it”. She just wants him to go away and describes how she feels that she has a shield up. A heavy, thick, solid shield from her stomach area. She said that he had been hurtful with his words in the past and she has had a barrier up since then.

We firstly tapped for “Calm” to de-stress and also to teach her how to do a round of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). She felt quite relaxed after this.

When she thought about the issue of intimacy, she felt she would rate it as -1 on the SUE scale. The way she would describe it is that she is trapped, cornered, and has not many choices. That either he will get frustrated and seek sex elsewhere or leave her, or she had to make herself do it. But she didn’t want to force things for herself either. We tapped for “Trapped“.

While tapping for “Trapped”, she was reminded of all the things that he does for the family that are positive and that he is a good guy, a good dad, a good person. He cooks and cleans regularly and spends time with the kids.

From seeing him more in this light, she was able to relate her feelings about sex back to an incident where they had tried to have sex soon after childbirth and she knew that she wasn’t completely ready. It was awkward and uncomfortable and she described that she felt violated as a result. At around the same time, her brother-in-law had died and her husband was very unsupportive of her through this and had very little empathy.

She said she was able to see now that they are “in this together”, that it’s a problem for the both of them to work on together, rather than just an issue for her. That she has his support now and he is not who he used to be.

When she thought about being intimate now she rated the strength of feeling as +1. Together we tapped for “Violated” when she thought back to the sexual encounter soon after childbirth. She felt that this shifted while we tapped, she struggled to think of it towards the end of the tapping round.

She recognised that they needed to engage and talk about this situation. She felt that she was freeer and that there was no barrier anymore! She rated her feeling as +2 or +3.

We decided to tap for how she wanted to feel about sex with her husband and we chose “Free and excited“, which evolved into “Free and excited, and CAN’T WAIT!” and was lots of fun. My own husband may or may not receive ‘borrowed benefits’ from this session.. ūüėČ ¬†While tapping for this, she recognised that there was a fear of falling pregnant again that was putting her off also, and that she needed to make some more permanent choices for contraception.

My client is now able to visualise the two of them together intimately. She can see how she has been closing him out and that he has been trying to be mature and work together with her to improve things. She can see that he has a fun side and maybe she has been too serious, that they make a good team to balance each other out. She could also recognise that she may have been using sex as part of a power play – one part of her life where she was able to control the situation. She rates the issue at +5 now, which is fantastic!

We decide to tap on that sense of fun and having that with her husband: “Fun with John“. She found herself thinking about a family dinner tonight and how they can just have fun together and not worry about any drama.

She now rates the feeling about being intimate with him as +8 or +9! She said she could visualise going home and giving him a big passionate kiss. Where usually she struggles to just give him a peck on the cheek. A passionate kiss is not what she would normally do at all, and she can see that it’s something they’ve both been missing. A void in their lives.

My client felt as though the issue had lifted and was no longer a problem for her, which I am delighted to hear and be a part of!

Afterword:

It is easy to see from this case story where someone could easily try to push themselves to do something they don’t want to do, without resolving the reasons as to why they aren’t wanting to do it in the first place.

A much easier and gentler way is to evolve the “I don’t want to” into “Hmm I might want to” and then keep evolving into maybe “I do want to” and then “Wow I really really want to, can I please??”. No forcing necessary when you release the energetic reversals! It becomes easy and natural and you live the truth of yourself rather than fight against those instincts that are trying to tell you something.

If you’d like to book your own session with me to evolve your own things that are stuck and resisting, contact me via email at¬†info@dogrosehealing.com!

Advertisements

EFT Case Story – Healing from an abusive relationship

A very raw account of the process of healing an issue related to being in an abusive relationship. After over 10 years of carrying this pain with her, she was able to let it go in four rounds of tapping, using Emotional Freedom Technique. You can contact me at DogRoseHealing@gmail.com to arrange your own session.

My client, Rebecca (not her real name), described that she repeatedly found herself getting anxious, angry and aggressive in situations of conflict instead of being able to talk calmly. She was able to relate it back to a situation in her past where her boyfriend at the time had been aggressive towards her.

I used Forensic EFT with Rebecca to help her source the details. Her energy has remembered the event:

  • Where are you?¬†At our apartment
  • What time of day is it?¬†Daytime
  • What year is it?¬†2001
  • Where in the apartment are you?¬†In the entry way to the study
  • What are you doing?¬†Trying to leave for work
  • What is he doing?¬†Hiding my keys from me so I can’t leave, blocking my way so I can’t go
  • How are you feeling?¬†Angry, scared, trapped, embarrassed. I have to call my work and tell them I’l be late, but I am in tears. I’m crying. I hate him. I feel embarrassed for being with him as my boyfriend and allowing him to treat me like this.
  • What happens then?¬†I want to hit him, and I do. And I hate myself for being just as much of an asshole as he is to me. He hits me back and then drags me by my hair and then I am on the floor and he kicks my stomach and I am on the bedroom floor crying and he is gone and I am winded and hurting. My cat is watching me from where he is hiding in the closet (scared) and looks concerned and I feel like I have to put on a brave face for him.
  • How would you rate it from -10 to +10?¬†This is -10!

As this is a highly emotive situation to process we use the Aspect Model to give some emotional distance. We decide for Rebecca to tap for “the aspect that hated herself”. Rebecca described her as the one that kept her with someone so awful, the one that hated herself even more after lashing out in a situation she shouldn’t have even ended up in if she had any self-respect. Rebecca said she was so angry at this girl for being there. “She deserved so much better,” Rebecca said, “Why couldn’t she see!!” Rebecca is crying and says that she hasn’t thought about the issue or felt things so clearly since it happened.

After that round Rebecca and I discuss and decide to tap on “the aspect that loved him”. As much as he was unpleasant, there were things that had her enthralled. He made her laugh, he was passionate, assertive, affluent, at times gentle and helpless, desperate for care and attention. There were things that kept that aspect of Rebecca entertained and interested. There were things that she also thought she could change about him, which was an exciting challenge for her. Rebecca says that she feels sick after this round of tapping. Sick in the stomach and a burning like reflux in the throat.

Rebecca talks more with me about this aspect and feels how that aspect should have packed her bags then and there instead of staying for another few years with this loser”. She says: “I feel like I am right there yelling at her to get up and just go while he’s not looking, then somehow get home to her parents’ house, no matter what they say or think about you. I know she is feeling like she doesn’t matter, like life isn’t worth living. She is seeing a GP for depression and I want to shake her so she can see that she isn’t depressed, that there’s nothing wrong with her, that she just has been worn down by being with this awful guy.”

We tap for “the aspect that should have left him”.

When Rebecca thinks back to the situation again, thinking about the aspect that was laying hurt on the floor, she feels that the aspect is brighter and stronger within herself. She recognises that she has some courage and hope again. Rebecca says “I want her to feel supported because I know she wasn’t at the time and the embarrassment comes from a sense of trying to prove herself. Going home or to a friend with her tail between her legs would have admitted failure or defeat and it doesn’t feel like an option. She feels unwanted in general even with that sense of hope. She doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere at all.”

We decide to tap for “The aspect that felt unsupported”. Rebecca described how she was very emotional during this round of tapping. She said she could easily imagine the aspect get up and go out the door and she kept feeling “She is free, and I am free”. Rebecca was crying but when she was more composed, described how this “feels incredible!”. “He can’t hurt her anymore and the event doesn’t matter anymore, it is gone.”

Rebecca was feeling great and after so many years she was wondering if she could test this issue to see if it were resolved. Whether she would still automatically respond with anger or aggression when faced with conflict. I suggested she take herself back to the moment when she felt like hitting her partner. She said that when she tried to hit him that she felt “energetically barred” from doing so. The aspect of Rebecca at that time is saying “You don’t matter” and is calm, controlled and happy in herself even though he is being offensive and antagonising.

Rebecca describes this as +10 on the SUE scale.

After our session Rebecca contacted me to let me know that she was able to recognise in situations where she might normally have felt aggressive, that she was able to remain calm and the aggression just did not come. It was no longer available as an option for her. She is thrilled by what EFT has done for her!