EFT Case Story – Recognising Support From Her Mum

My client has had ongoing tension in relation to her Mother. The most common frustration being that when they speak on the phone that her Mother dismisses her sadness or current problems and highlights her OWN frustrations and difficulties in life. There is always someone else that has it worse, and her problems are therefore dismissed. My client is also my friend and it has been hard to watch her go through this and be the better person and just listen to her Mum, but simultaneously feel as though she is unsupported and unheard and unvalued.

I explained how all relationships are a reflection of the energy between us and something else, and that tools such as EFT are highly effective to evolve them beyond their current state.

We tapped for “Calm” to de-stress her energy system first before considering the issue with her Mum and talking about that.

She considered her strength of feeling to be -6 on the SUE scale to begin with, from -10 to +10. The most noticeable emotion that she was feeling was “Frustrated” and this is what she tapped for. The feeling of frustration was reduced and the strength of feeling now was at -3.

She was reminded of situations, aside from the phone calls, where her Mother had put her feelings aside for favour of her own. She had felt that from quite a young age. So she tapped for “Selfish”, which brought her to -1, and then “Not listening”.

At this point my client started thinking about an issue with her son instead! She said that she wasn’t worried about this anymore. Which is a great indication that we are at a neutral state and can begin energising with positive statements. I asked her how she wanted to feel in the relationship with her Mum. She said she wanted to feel “Comforted”. She tapped for this and was then at +2. Then “Supported” which brought her to +4.

She was reminded of a situation years before where someone had been demanding of her time and had pushed her to hurry up when she knew it wasn’t possible or practical. Her Mum was a witness to this and had taken her aside and told her not to worry, that “I will stand up for you, it’s okay”. Which was a significant moment in demonstrating just how supportive and comforting that her Mum could be.

Finally she tapped for “Loved”. She then felt that the strength of feeling about her relationship with her Mum was +9!

As her friend and half of her ‘EFTeam’, I am delighted to have been part of this transformation and cannot wait to see how things progress and improve between her and her Mum.

Using EFT For Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD)

What’s PMDD?

According to the Wikipedia entry for PMDD, it is defined as severe PMS leading up to the menstrual cycle as well as a few days after menstruation has begun.

The main emotional symptoms are listed as:

  • feelings of deep sadness or despair, and suicide ideation
  • feelings of intense tension or anxiety
  • increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
  • panic attacks
  • rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
  • lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
  • apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
  • difficulty concentrating
  • chronic fatigue
  • food cravings or binge eating
  • insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
  • feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
  • increase or decrease in sex drive
  • increased need for emotional closeness

Sufferers may have many of these symptoms or one. This is an issue close to my heart as once a month my world would turn upside down. I felt like I was possessed by something I had no control of. It impacted on my husband and children and friends and family and relationships. It impacted on how I saw the world around me. It was a thick emotional filter that existed between myself and the rest of the world.

How Can PMDD Be Managed?

I had tried herbs and vitamins and breathing and journalling and was still plagued by this ‘demon’. I took the flower essence She Oak for many months, and although my cycle regulated and became much shorter (from ~45 days to ~30, an 11 day period to 7 days), I still had the severe PMS which I came to understand as PMDD.

I asked a wise woman for her advice on how to handle it emotionally/energetically. Her first suggestion was to de-stress energetically, step one for any emotional issue! However I was using EFT and de-stressing constantly through this emotional storm and feeling as though I was using a bucket with holes in it to bail out a sinking boat. I wasn’t getting anywhere fast!

Her second suggestion was to treat this PMDD part of me as a separate part of me. A part of me who is needing much support and assistance and exploding in rage and emotion once a month, perhaps because of unmet needs. If I gave attention to this aspect throughout the cycle, would ‘she’ no longer need to release fury once a month? It is called the Aspect Model in Energy EFT.

Using The Aspect Model for PMDD

So I decided to track my progress through one menstrual cycle to see what presented and what the PMDD Aspect was going through. (CD = Cycle Day)

CD 6
The PMDD aspect just wants a break, and is frantic to get all of the unfinished things done around the house so she doesn’t have to see them (and be overwhelmed at PMS time). I decided to paint my laundry, and gave objects a permanent ‘home’ that needed them. I also gave things we had no use for to my local op shop to declutter.

CD 9
The PMDD aspect wants to cry and has a heavy heart. I had noticed a tension and sensitivity in general on this day. My husband was frustrating me. I tapped for “needs to cry”. I reassessed the PMDD aspect and felt anger and tapped for “the aspect is angry”. Once the anger had been cleared I felt the PMDD aspect was confused and overwhelmed and tapped for this. When I asked her what it was that she needed, I felt that she was needing: a friend, love, support, and feels like she has none of it. My husband was distant emotionally and criticising things and it was hitting a nerve in the sense of not meeting any of the PMDD aspect’s needs. It made it more obvious to me that I needed to seek out what I needed in a positive way – for example, ask for a hug and initiating a conversation instead of getting annoyed and feeling unloved.

CD 17
The PMDD aspect is happy, just needs sleep.

CD 18
The PMDD aspect needs reassurance. I tapped for “the aspect is okay”. I was then given the impression (mental image) that the aspect could march in and take control of everything and get things tackled very quickly. As though it was an issue if things weren’t under control. I tapped for “the aspect doesn’t need to be in control to be safe”.

CD 20
The PMDD aspect is frustrated about mess with her childrens’ toys, so I decided to sit down with my children (and husband) to work out how to manage the toys and what would happen if they weren’t tidied, rather than the mess being my responsibility all the time and causing emotional stress. The PMDD aspect is relieved that there are now rules in place. The PMDD aspect is worried about the period being on its way in the next week or so. I tapped for “the aspect thinks she will lose her cool”.

CD 28
The PMDD aspect needs to have a cry, and focus her attention inward. I tapped for “The aspect wants to cry” and “the aspect wants to focus within”. I also had a bath and took time for myself and gave myself permission to focus on me and me alone.

CD 31
The PMDD aspect is highly annoyed at her husband. I tapped for “The aspect thinks her husband is useless”. (sorry honey – this process was well before we had worked through our issues with intimacy)

My period started the following day. I expected to feel far more out of control than I did at this stage. It was significant progress. I recognised each feeling as it arose and gave it the attention that it needed.

Life After PMDD?

It has been several cycles for me since then. I don’t consider myself to have PMDD anymore. There are emotions that surface prior to a period (which I still call PMS due to the timing of when they appear). However they are MUCH more subtle and I no longer feel out of control or possessed by them. I am aware of the emotions, not driven by them. These emotions are healing opportunities that I welcome – each cycle revealing different issues to give attention to and shift beyond. I use EFT for these issues as arise and still occasionally ask the PMS aspect what she needs. She is quietly content most of the time these days. 🙂

Giving ourselves (our aspects!) the opportunity to express what we need and want for balance and happiness is so important. The answers are there within us and just need to be given permission to come forward and be heard.

EFT Case Story – Healing from an abusive relationship

A very raw account of the process of healing an issue related to being in an abusive relationship. After over 10 years of carrying this pain with her, she was able to let it go in four rounds of tapping, using Emotional Freedom Technique. You can contact me at DogRoseHealing@gmail.com to arrange your own session.

My client, Rebecca (not her real name), described that she repeatedly found herself getting anxious, angry and aggressive in situations of conflict instead of being able to talk calmly. She was able to relate it back to a situation in her past where her boyfriend at the time had been aggressive towards her.

I used Forensic EFT with Rebecca to help her source the details. Her energy has remembered the event:

  • Where are you? At our apartment
  • What time of day is it? Daytime
  • What year is it? 2001
  • Where in the apartment are you? In the entry way to the study
  • What are you doing? Trying to leave for work
  • What is he doing? Hiding my keys from me so I can’t leave, blocking my way so I can’t go
  • How are you feeling? Angry, scared, trapped, embarrassed. I have to call my work and tell them I’l be late, but I am in tears. I’m crying. I hate him. I feel embarrassed for being with him as my boyfriend and allowing him to treat me like this.
  • What happens then? I want to hit him, and I do. And I hate myself for being just as much of an asshole as he is to me. He hits me back and then drags me by my hair and then I am on the floor and he kicks my stomach and I am on the bedroom floor crying and he is gone and I am winded and hurting. My cat is watching me from where he is hiding in the closet (scared) and looks concerned and I feel like I have to put on a brave face for him.
  • How would you rate it from -10 to +10? This is -10!

As this is a highly emotive situation to process we use the Aspect Model to give some emotional distance. We decide for Rebecca to tap for “the aspect that hated herself”. Rebecca described her as the one that kept her with someone so awful, the one that hated herself even more after lashing out in a situation she shouldn’t have even ended up in if she had any self-respect. Rebecca said she was so angry at this girl for being there. “She deserved so much better,” Rebecca said, “Why couldn’t she see!!” Rebecca is crying and says that she hasn’t thought about the issue or felt things so clearly since it happened.

After that round Rebecca and I discuss and decide to tap on “the aspect that loved him”. As much as he was unpleasant, there were things that had her enthralled. He made her laugh, he was passionate, assertive, affluent, at times gentle and helpless, desperate for care and attention. There were things that kept that aspect of Rebecca entertained and interested. There were things that she also thought she could change about him, which was an exciting challenge for her. Rebecca says that she feels sick after this round of tapping. Sick in the stomach and a burning like reflux in the throat.

Rebecca talks more with me about this aspect and feels how that aspect should have packed her bags then and there instead of staying for another few years with this loser”. She says: “I feel like I am right there yelling at her to get up and just go while he’s not looking, then somehow get home to her parents’ house, no matter what they say or think about you. I know she is feeling like she doesn’t matter, like life isn’t worth living. She is seeing a GP for depression and I want to shake her so she can see that she isn’t depressed, that there’s nothing wrong with her, that she just has been worn down by being with this awful guy.”

We tap for “the aspect that should have left him”.

When Rebecca thinks back to the situation again, thinking about the aspect that was laying hurt on the floor, she feels that the aspect is brighter and stronger within herself. She recognises that she has some courage and hope again. Rebecca says “I want her to feel supported because I know she wasn’t at the time and the embarrassment comes from a sense of trying to prove herself. Going home or to a friend with her tail between her legs would have admitted failure or defeat and it doesn’t feel like an option. She feels unwanted in general even with that sense of hope. She doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere at all.”

We decide to tap for “The aspect that felt unsupported”. Rebecca described how she was very emotional during this round of tapping. She said she could easily imagine the aspect get up and go out the door and she kept feeling “She is free, and I am free”. Rebecca was crying but when she was more composed, described how this “feels incredible!”. “He can’t hurt her anymore and the event doesn’t matter anymore, it is gone.”

Rebecca was feeling great and after so many years she was wondering if she could test this issue to see if it were resolved. Whether she would still automatically respond with anger or aggression when faced with conflict. I suggested she take herself back to the moment when she felt like hitting her partner. She said that when she tried to hit him that she felt “energetically barred” from doing so. The aspect of Rebecca at that time is saying “You don’t matter” and is calm, controlled and happy in herself even though he is being offensive and antagonising.

Rebecca describes this as +10 on the SUE scale.

After our session Rebecca contacted me to let me know that she was able to recognise in situations where she might normally have felt aggressive, that she was able to remain calm and the aggression just did not come. It was no longer available as an option for her. She is thrilled by what EFT has done for her!